When Someone Doesn't Like Your Pastor

Sometimes people have different teaching styles, personalities, etc. [Some pastors are laid back, some are intense and we all aren't the same as we are all different people with different personalities/gifts].

Or if they had a seemingly negative experience [one time situation] without really exploring the reality and factual experience.

What do you say or do?
I was going to start to defend but honestly thinking this isn't salvation issue. Not everyone has to like like my Pastor. I like him, I enjoy his ministry, I am growing and being supported in his church.

Then why do I feel guilty if someone doesn't like my Pastor? Can someone shed some light on this for me? I can work on it.
 
Then why do I feel guilty if someone doesn't like my Pastor? Can someone shed some light on this for me? I can work on it.
I can’t say for sure what is happening, but here is one view.

I know that sometimes when someone voices a dislike for a person, place or thing we like, it can feel like a rejection of us, it can feel like they are criticizing us and this can make us feel guilty or even defensive.

Generally, as people, we like it when other people like what we like, particularly so if they are our friends or family. They’re supposed to know and understand us right?

Doesn’t always work out this way however. Everyone is different and we all like different things and people. Some of our friends are more vocal about their likes and dislikes than others. Just be aware of this, don’t worry and, as always, pray about it for guidance.

God bless.
 
Hello TransformedinChrist;

First of all, that is a nice photo. What is your family pet's name again?

When a Pastor is called by God to build us up in our faith and discipleship in Christ, our Pastor recognizes that he is in the people business. Though many people will love and pray for him, there will be those who may not like his disposition, preaching and teaching or the way he leads the Church family. This can escalate from that person's heart into personality issues with the Pastor.

If someone doesn't like your Pastor thats on them. Don't take the burden on for your Pastor. It's between them, a possible issue within their heart toward him and yes, especially toward God. It was the Lord who raised the Pastor, not them. The Pastor is called to serve in your church according to God's assignment, not by celebratory status or good charm. Unfortunately, many Church members view the Pastor in that sense.

It's easy to put a Pastor under the microscope and find anything negative. It's hard to have a one on one with the Pastor and discuss personality issues. Every Pastor would appreciate if his Church family practice transparency within the Body and him.

TransformedinChrist, when you are confronted by someone who may not like your Pastor, share with them and uplift your Pastor (by being genuine, not defensive) in praising God for his shepherd's heart and the work he is doing in the Church. Between you and God, pray for those who don't like your Pastor and encourage them to join you for lunch, coffee, etc...Hopefully in time they will see by your light the example of your Pastor and the way he ministers to you.

Side note. A Pastor must always stay in touch with God's flock. If it's a large Church the Lead or Senior Pastor must set the example and delegate the duty of the Associate and Assistant Pastors, Elders or Deacons to stay in touch with God's flock.

I hope this helps you a little bit, sister.

God bless you, your daughters and fiance.
 
Sometimes people have different teaching styles, personalities, etc. [Some pastors are laid back, some are intense and we all aren't the same as we are all different people with different personalities/gifts].

Or if they had a seemingly negative experience [one time situation] without really exploring the reality and factual experience.

What do you say or do?
I was going to start to defend but honestly thinking this isn't salvation issue. Not everyone has to like like my Pastor. I like him, I enjoy his ministry, I am growing and being supported in his church.

Then why do I feel guilty if someone doesn't like my Pastor? Can someone shed some light on this for me? I can work on it.
I think as long as the pastor holds to the gospel truth others opinion aren't impacting.
 
Yes i agree with blue sky. I also think it’s because a part of you is being rejected.
It’s sad to know that someone dosent see your pastor the way you do.
You see in him good things and someone is not.
If you could get them to see why he is so cool maybe your guilt would disappear.
Do you think they have not noticed you’ve changed for the best because of your growth and support you recieve from your pastor?
 
Hello TransformedinChrist;

First of all, that is a nice photo. What is your family pet's name again?

When a Pastor is called by God to build us up in our faith and discipleship in Christ, our Pastor recognizes that he is in the people business. Though many people will love and pray for him, there will be those who may not like his disposition, preaching and teaching or the way he leads the Church family. This can escalate from that person's heart into personality issues with the Pastor.

If someone doesn't like your Pastor thats on them. Don't take the burden on for your Pastor. It's between them, a possible issue within their heart toward him and yes, especially toward God. It was the Lord who raised the Pastor, not them. The Pastor is called to serve in your church according to God's assignment, not by celebratory status or good charm. Unfortunately, many Church members view the Pastor in that sense.

It's easy to put a Pastor under the microscope and find anything negative. It's hard to have a one on one with the Pastor and discuss personality issues. Every Pastor would appreciate if his Church family practice transparency within the Body and him.

TransformedinChrist, when you are confronted by someone who may not like your Pastor, share with them and uplift your Pastor (by being genuine, not defensive) in praising God for his shepherd's heart and the work he is doing in the Church. Between you and God, pray for those who don't like your Pastor and encourage them to join you for lunch, coffee, etc...Hopefully in time they will see by your light the example of your Pastor and the way he ministers to you.

Side note. A Pastor must always stay in touch with God's flock. If it's a large Church the Lead or Senior Pastor must set the example and delegate the duty of the Associate and Assistant Pastors, Elders or Deacons to stay in touch with God's flock.

I hope this helps you a little bit, sister.

God bless you, your daughters and fiance.
Thank you. I am going to tale this wholeheartedly. My dog's name is Sully [service dog].
 
my Pastor
being a pastor is a tough but rewarding position. ups and downs . sometimes people dont like the pastor due to conviction he may have stepped on toes in the message. for the most the pastor is and should be easy going. we are first off servants. in the Church i pastor my main two words i been saying is i understand. we been hit with sickness one lady was just getting better and to be in Church this Sunday. her 92 year old dad fell Friday morning broke his arm and hip.
she is going up to take care of her mom. i lost a young lady who i had asked to be song leader. she went to visit her b.f then got stranded ice storm hit. then after that no flights out. sent her text after she got back. saying we hope to see your smiling face. she replied i cant be there this Sunday. i have some things today. i replied i hope it dont take very many sundry's.. were not perfect and then you have those who are not happy no matter what.

a pastor breathes eats walks like every one else. everybody should try it
 
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being a pastor is a tough but rewarding position. ups and downs . sometimes people dont like the pastor due to conviction he may have stepped on toes in the message. for the most the pastor is and should be easy going. we are first off servants. in the Church i pastor my main two words i been saying is i understand. we been hit with sickness one lady was just getting better and to be in Church this Sunday. her 92 year old dad fell Friday morning broke his arm and hip.
she is going up to take care of her mom. i lost a young lady who i had asked to be song leader. she went to visit her b.f then got stranded ice storm hit. then after that no flights out. sent her text after she got back. saying we hope to see your smiling face. she replied i cant be there this Sunday. i have some things today. i replied i hope it dont take very many sundry's.. were not perfect and then you have those who are not happy no matter what.

a pastor breathes eats walks like every one else. everybody should try it
Well my friend had mentioned when they visited the congregation was cold and very unwelcoming and so was the Pastor [they actually sat in the front row and they weren't even acknowledged]. They preceeded to tell me they also put in quite a large donation in the offering plate (told me it would have been nice to be acknowledged). I don't know what to say to that. I don't know why people have expectations. I don't even know how the entire congregation could have been cold towards visitors/newcomers. I have never had any issues and I have seen the level of care towards every newcomers specifically by email. How dedicated they are to answering and being emotionally available to them in their spiritual needs.

I was taken aback by it. I apologized for their experience. I haven't experienced that. My experience is how can I help? How can I serve? I have sent my sketch notes of sermons to show how much I appreciate his teachings. I think at times we expect far too much - with that being said I wasn't there so I am not sure. I don't know. I haven't experienced the same as they have. They say it's because I am an online member that I don't see it. Possibly but then again the accounted spiritual growth, blessings, etc. I sometimes get split [divided into this oh look at you - they don't like your Pastor ....you have it all wrong, leading the wrong way, in the wrong church, with the wrong people]. I have to fight against those doubts, guilt and frustration. I understand people don't mesh together and personalities can clash. But just because one person has a bad experience 🤷? It wasn't like he openly attacked them or anything. Perhaps he was stressed and just alot on his mind? Perhaps there was so much happening and pressure was at a all time high? We really don't know. Only God does.

Yes I think your right. A part of me feels rejected. I don't really like confrontation. I am so grateful for my Pastor's sound biblical teaching and everything he touched on. My girls and I are planted there. We are absolutely being spiritually nourished and growing. ❤️
 
Well my friend had mentioned when they visited the congregation was cold and very unwelcoming and so was the Pastor [they actually sat in the front row and they weren't even acknowledged]. They preceeded to tell me they also put in quite a large donation in the offering plate (told me it would have been nice to be acknowledged). I don't know what to say to that.
for one yes the should have been welcomed to the Church several times' in fact a type of over whelming welcome. then from the pulpit personally .

know about the offering one does not give to be acknowledged of what they give. that is a type pride . we have a couple in our church that drive truck.. for the longest time they gave a very healthy offering.
i have told them in private how much we appreciated it. never was they given a special status over anyone else. we dont do our alms in public. your offering is between you and the Lord. not you and the pastor .

i have been and visited Churches that was like a deep freeze . i also have vested where every few minutes i was welcomed. i really dont know what to say to your friends other than find a church there comfortable in

as for me i am the type person that can walk in and sit down and not say much to anyone. on the other hand my wife has yet to meet a stranger personalities can get in the way
 
for one yes the should have been welcomed to the Church several times' in fact a type of over whelming welcome. then from the pulpit personally .

know about the offering one does not give to be acknowledged of what they give. that is a type pride . we have a couple in our church that drive truck.. for the longest time they gave a very healthy offering.
i have told them in private how much we appreciated it. never was they given a special status over anyone else. we dont do our alms in public. your offering is between you and the Lord. not you and the pastor .

i have been and visited Churches that was like a deep freeze . i also have vested where every few minutes i was welcomed. i really dont know what to say to your friends other than find a church there comfortable in

as for me i am the type person that can walk in and sit down and not say much to anyone. on the other hand my wife has yet to meet a stranger personalities can get in the way
See I am the same as you. I don't want to really be acknowledged lol! I want to go there and listen to God's Word. It is too awkward when people start coming up to me. I feels like I am in the spotlight.
 
As far as welcoming - can someone have misperception or miscommunication on this? Can people misinterpret being "cold?"
I have been to meetings etc and never been acknowledged. I have been to churches where I haven't ever been hugged or welcomed. One of the church members of my church actually set up video chat so I could be included in the Christmas conference they held for ladies [even the meal]. I got to meet and greet and talk to others online. They introduced themselves etc. So again I can't say why but it wasn't my experience.
 
can someone have misperception or miscommunication on this?
YES its very easy personalities are different some are timid. me i am not timid even on a forum people fail to understand on a computer you can be anyone you want. some get anxiety around crowds
emotions personalities combined affects things . not easy being new a stranger walk in to a service and all EYES fall on you. lol been there done that
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When my wife and I moved to our current house we visited several churches looking for a good fit. the differences in preaching style became obvious. one always seemed to be teaching a college course, another tried to make connection to the rural Appalachian congregation and would give a lot of life examples in a false hill-billy style. Another whose congregation all seemed to sit in the back pews pointedly moved his lectern up the center isle to get closer to his congregation. I saw one couple move farther toward the back when this happened.

Many pastors have distinctive styles and it can take a little effort to tune one's ear to properly listen to the message.
It should not be this way, but many people have customary places to sit in the pews and be put-off if they find a visitor had inadvertently sit in 'their' place.

Some people have difficulties adjusting their manner of listening. I would that they were successful in finding a good fit for them. When visiting a church for the first time, it pays to be flexible and maintain a positive attitude.
 
When my wife and I moved to our current house we visited several churches looking for a good fit. the differences in preaching style became obvious. one always seemed to be teaching a college course, another tried to make connection to the rural Appalachian congregation and would give a lot of life examples in a false hill-billy style. Another whose congregation all seemed to sit in the back pews pointedly moved his lectern up the center isle to get closer to his congregation. I saw one couple move farther toward the back when this happened.

Many pastors have distinctive styles and it can take a little effort to tune one's ear to properly listen to the message.
It should not be this way, but many people have customary places to sit in the pews and be put-off if they find a visitor had inadvertently sit in 'their' place.

Some people have difficulties adjusting their manner of listening. I would that they were successful in finding a good fit for them. When visiting a church for the first time, it pays to be flexible and maintain a positive attitude.
I really like your post too. That little nugget "visiting a church for the first time, it pays to be flexible and maintain a positive attitude." I am going to put that in my pocket. ❤️
 
Sometimes people have different teaching styles, personalities, etc. [Some pastors are laid back, some are intense and we all aren't the same as we are all different people with different personalities/gifts].

Or if they had a seemingly negative experience [one time situation] without really exploring the reality and factual experience.

What do you say or do?
I was going to start to defend but honestly thinking this isn't salvation issue. Not everyone has to like like my Pastor. I like him, I enjoy his ministry, I am growing and being supported in his church.

Then why do I feel guilty if someone doesn't like my Pastor? Can someone shed some light on this for me? I can work on it.
Most of the time, a person does not like a Pastor for one of THREE reason........
#1. He tells the Bible truth about THEM and they feel convicted of the sin in their life that he speak to.
#2. He does not speak Bible truth and there is no power or conviction in what he preaches which leaves them feeling empty.
#3. He has a limited personality and no communication skills.

If YOU are happy then that is what matters. Every Pastor I know welcomes feedback.
 
As far as welcoming - can someone have misperception or miscommunication on this? Can people misinterpret being "cold?"
I have been to meetings etc and never been acknowledged. I have been to churches where I haven't ever been hugged or welcomed. One of the church members of my church actually set up video chat so I could be included in the Christmas conference they held for ladies [even the meal]. I got to meet and greet and talk to others online. They introduced themselves etc. So again I can't say why but it wasn't my experience.
The caring, loving church that has been taught well and is Biblically sound.....YOU will know in the 1st minute!!!!!
They will reach out to visitors and show love and appreciation for you being there because they know that is what their Pastor has taught them!

1st Impressions are allways the best ones and they last!
 
for one yes the should have been welcomed to the Church several times' in fact a type of over whelming welcome. then from the pulpit personally .

Hello forgiven;

When I was in the second grade a classmate shared how going to a Church Service is like one Big Prayer. As an adult I still remember hearing this and have to say this was an interesting perspective coming from a 7 year old child.

Welcoming a first time visitor is HUGE in the Church. We always emphasized that. At the end of service before the Benediction the praise team would lead a song and I always went back and forth in the pews and shook everyone's hand. When I shared the pulpit I encouraged the preacher to do the same.

It was very effective. Many people come to Church with personal stuff going on in their lives and need to receive the Love of Christ, encouragement, a hug or even a handshake. The Church family cares.

God bless you, Jerry.
 
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