Question

[TransformedinChrist]

I am curious is it rude to keep telling someone what your doing when you know that person is low income and cannot afford the extraordinary and extravagant lifestyle that they have? Movies, concerts, shopping, going to baseball games, flying in 4 different cities in a span of a month.

Just curious. Ty.

 

[forgiven61]

I am curious is it rude to keep telling someone what your doing when you know that person is low income and cannot afford the extraordinary and extravagant lifestyle that they have? Movies, concerts, shopping, going to baseball games, flying in 4 different cities in a span of a month.

Just curious. Ty.

maybe they are reaching out to you but not saying anything// do something with them once in a while buy a pizza share it

 

[blueskies]

I am curious is it rude to keep telling someone what your doing when you know that person is low income and cannot afford the extraordinary and extravagant lifestyle that they have?

Rude…? Well, yes, it certainly is clueless and not empathetic.

A lot of people don't learn as they mature into adulthood that not everyone thinks as highly of them as their parents did and might not react with the same pride and joy at their accomplishments.

In short, it is a very self-absorbed and childish method of trying to get attention for an adult to engage in. I’m not a professional, but it likely stems from low self esteem.

Whatever the root cause, it can be very annoying.

God bless and sustain you.

 

[TransformedinChrist]

maybe they are reaching out to you but not saying anything// do something with them once in a while buy a pizza share it

We are no where near each other in country. I am just purely talking about bragging.

 

[TransformedinChrist]

I can understand that. For sure.

 

[forgiven61]

We are no where near each other in country. I am just purely talking about bragging.

if they ask just tell them as to where it dont sound bragging

 

[TransformedinChrist]

if they ask just tell them as to where it dont sound bragging

I am not really understanding what you mean.

 

[TransformedinChrist]

We are no where near each other in country. I am just purely talking about bragging.

BTW I am immobile and in a wheelchair. My daughters carry me down the stairs so it isn't as easy for me to just visit people unfortunately.

 

[Lanolin]

I'm a bit confused is it your lavish lifestyle you are talking about?? Or someone else's.

I am not really concerned about whether people go to see a movie, what they buy when they go shopping, or what concerts they go to, baseball games they see or cities they visit. I just think good for them if thats what they like to do with their money.

Unless they want to take me to that movie, buy me something when they go shopping, take me to the concert or baseball game, or visit my city! It's not really anything to do with me.

I had one neighbour on a low income constantly write me what he buys with his money when he goes to the op shop. It's really nothing to do with me. I'm not sure why he has to say every item, but thats his way of bonding, over his shopping list.

I'm not sure if it's rude, or he just has nothing else to write about. He also writes about his mother a lot and her ailments. I don't really ask about her either but its always some health issue that I can't do anything about. (I am not a nurse or doctor)

I'm working in a private school and it seems the children and even the teachers seem a bit obsessed with what kind of car everyone drives. I honestly don't care, as I walk to school most days. My car is one that goes. lol. I can't get a park anyway as there are no carparks left.

 

[TransformedinChrist]

I'm a bit confused is it your lavish lifestyle you are talking about?? Or someone else's.

I am not really concerned about whether people go to see a movie, what they buy when they go shopping, or what concerts they go to, baseball games they see or cities they visit. I just think good for them if thats what they like to do with their money.

Unless they want to take me to that movie, buy me something when they go shopping, take me to the concert or baseball game, or visit my city! It's not really anything to do with me.

I had one neighbour on a low income constantly write me what he buys with his money when he goes to the op shop. It's really nothing to do with me. I'm not sure why he has to say every item, but thats his way of bonding, over his shopping list.

I'm not sure if it's rude, or he just has nothing else to write about. He also writes about his mother a lot and her ailments. I don't really ask about her either but its always some health issue that I can't do anything about. (I am not a nurse or doctor)

I'm working in a private school and it seems the children and even the teachers seem a bit obsessed with what kind of car everyone drives. I honestly don't care, as I walk to school most days. My car is one that goes. lol. I can't get a park anyway as there are no carparks left.

No, it's their lifestyle. Not mine.
I mean they know we have to go the food bank every week. We struggle to maintain bread on the table. It is almost similar like if you break up with someone and your friend just started dating someone new and decides to tell you every single thing they do together as a new couple. My life is one of very minimal things. We don't travel, we don't really shop, our idea of fun is fabric [for my kids] because they sew. I have my service dog who's an absolute joy and help in my disabilities. I barely leave the home. Maybe 1-3 a month because we have stairs in the apartment no elevator. With the rent prices everywhere there is zero places to move that are affordable. It would cause more financial restraint.

Here they brag ongoingly about going from place to place to travel and see shows, and do all these things, and wow - then ask how are you? Mmmmm well we go to the food bank weekly, we pay enough to cover our bills, we stay home. That's it. Since I am immobile and require 24/7 care and reliance I can't even go to the washroom myself - it makes me feel just very put off.

Once or twice it's okay to "share." But consistently about everything is a bit much.

I have these gluten free diary free pizza crust I use for bread. They are pricey. Due to my dietary restrictions and severe allergies I eat the same thing. Because of financial stuff I can't get them this month so basically I just have to be patient until next month to have what I need to eat - yet they are going to all these cities and shop and do stuff to their hearts content.

It's very challenging to listen to.

 

[Lanolin]

Well, I wouldn't get too hung up about it.
If they are a friend, you can just be honest and say well you seem to be doing well, but I'm not doing that great.

I've been unemployed and it can be hard to listen to others talk about all the things they can do with their money if they have a good job. But I would just be happy for them, one day things will turn around.

I have a very rich friend and she's always seems to be going on overseas trips (never takes me) and things I could never afford but I don't think she brags about it just saying that she does those things. Yes it can be annoying but like the other thread about envy and empathy I think just be happy for them and say 'good for you' rather than be down on yourself. You could say 'that's nice' or 'that's great I wish I could afford that' and leave it at that.

Paul once said he had learned the secret of being content, whether he was abounding or abased. Our secret to contentment is in Christ not our financial circumstances.

 

[Lanolin]

Phillippians 4:11-13

 

[TransformedinChrist]

Phillippians 4:11-13

Ty Lanolin
Going to study this today.
I feel so down. I don't want to be.
I feel all these human emotions and I don't want to feel. I hate it.

 

[Lanolin]

Aw don't worry plenty of us have been there. It's ok to cry and let it out. It can't be easy.

Lockdowns had affected people in different ways. Some just hated not being able to get out and about and see their friends while for others it was oh joy! I get to stay at home - peace and quiet lol.
While others were stuck at home with family they didn't get along with... I read books a lot. I just feel like escaping into other peoples lives sometimes rather than my own which can be a bit boring. So I'd find an adventure story or a travel memoir very interesting since I couldn't physically go there myself.

When I was suffering from depression (this is the worst because you can't point to physical injury and say well this happened to me) and like Paul seemed to have a thorn in my side I couldn't remove - it was a pain! God keeps reminding me His grace is sufficient. So He looked after me while I was in that depressed state and got me out of it. I got closer to Him because of it. it was really disabling, and I felt useless, couldn't work, but God reminded me I can still read and pray.

 

[TransformedinChrist]

Aw don't worry plenty of us have been there. It's ok to cry and let it out. It can't be easy.

Lockdowns had affected people in different ways. Some just hated not being able to get out and about and see their friends while for others it was oh joy! I get to stay at home - peace and quiet lol.
While others were stuck at home with family they didn't get along with... I read books a lot. I just feel like escaping into other peoples lives sometimes rather than my own which can be a bit boring. So I'd find an adventure story or a travel memoir very interesting since I couldn't physically go there myself.

When I was suffering from depression (this is the worst because you can't point to physical injury and say well this happened to me) and like Paul seemed to have a thorn in my side I couldn't remove - it was a pain! God keeps reminding me His grace is sufficient. So He looked after me while I was in that depressed state and got me out of it. I got closer to Him because of it. it was really disabling, and I felt useless, couldn't work, but God reminded me I can still read and pray.

Thank you. I just don't want to be bitter or jealous or disappointed or struggle with sinful behavior or be displeasing. I hate that it's hard to be content. My soul just needs to hush! Focus on God.

 

[Lanolin]

I'm terrible, my mum used to say when I was young that I was selfish and never satisfied, always have this hunger for more, but that can be a good thing because I realised I was missing something but that something was actually God.

I am still a bit like that I for example I started a new job and I just want to make it my own and am not content with what was left I actually want to make it even better. I will do more work than required or overstep the boundaries even because I'm quite passionate about what I do. Though I'm better at recognising when I have enough. (Or as God puts it his Grace is SUFFICIENT) this whole self-sufficiency thing is a misnomer I need to be God-sufficient.

I feel like I can do without shopping, movies, concerts, overseas trips as sure they are extra bonuses. As someone from the city I'm more like, I want to move to the country and have a garden, country people get to live with animals and wildlife! They have nature at their beck in call, I'm living in a concrete jungle. I worked in a mall and there were too many people and things to buy!

While country people can be like..I'm too isolated in the country and never get to see anything. Its boring! I want to see the city lights and be amongst the crowds.

Funny isn't it. Sometimes you've just got to appreciate what you have got right now.

 

[Lanolin]

Service dog is great.
I have no pets anymore :-( My cat and mum's chicken died last year.

My great joy at the moment is creating a ribbon pinboard in the school library and rearranging the books. When I do go out shopping its to spend on things for the library. I'm on strict budget but I make use of donations. I'm always checking out op shops. I don't think I'm extravagant but it's more 'frugal hedonism'.

My sister is the one that's always travelling and shopping and all that. I can't keep up with her. Even from young she'd be earning money and spending it on designer label clothes and going out to eat and concerts and travelling. I just think it was her thing, not mine, living the 'high life'. sometimes her largesse means she'll take me travelling when she visits, but not that often. I couldn't afford to do all the things she does. It is a bit strange to think we live in different worlds in vastly different income brackets, but I don't think it affects our sisterhood. If anything it means we can't afford to visit her all the time so she flies over to visit us.

 

[Major]

No, it's their lifestyle. Not mine.
I mean they know we have to go the food bank every week. We struggle to maintain bread on the table. It is almost similar like if you break up with someone and your friend just started dating someone new and decides to tell you every single thing they do together as a new couple. My life is one of very minimal things. We don't travel, we don't really shop, our idea of fun is fabric [for my kids] because they sew. I have my service dog who's an absolute joy and help in my disabilities. I barely leave the home. Maybe 1-3 a month because we have stairs in the apartment no elevator. With the rent prices everywhere there is zero places to move that are affordable. It would cause more financial restraint.

Here they brag ongoingly about going from place to place to travel and see shows, and do all these things, and wow - then ask how are you? Mmmmm well we go to the food bank weekly, we pay enough to cover our bills, we stay home. That's it. Since I am immobile and require 24/7 care and reliance I can't even go to the washroom myself - it makes me feel just very put off.

Once or twice it's okay to "share." But consistently about everything is a bit much.

I have these gluten free diary free pizza crust I use for bread. They are pricey. Due to my dietary restrictions and severe allergies I eat the same thing. Because of financial stuff I can't get them this month so basically I just have to be patient until next month to have what I need to eat - yet they are going to all these cities and shop and do stuff to their hearts content.

It's very challenging to listen to.

Now, I do not have a shingle on my door for a physiatrist, but I have done a lot of listening and counseling over the years.
What you are describing, at 1st look seems to me to be the results of someone with an "inferiority complex".

People who feel inferior go about their days overcompensating through what is called “striving for superiority.” The only way these inwardly uncertain people can feel happy is by making others decidedly unhappy. Phycologists say that this striving for superiority lies at the core of neurosis.

A well known feature of narcissism personality disorder, is that deviation in normal development that results in a person’s constant search to boost their self esteem.

Now the question you are about to ask is how do I fix this. YOU can not fix what is not your problem!!!!! What you can do is.....
1. Talk directly to the person and calmly explain to them what they are doing and ask them to be more considerate of YOU.
2. Find another friend.

 

[Siloam]

I have a little different take.

We are to be His witnesses. A witness is one that shares his life experience in ways that emphasize God's work in and through our lives.

When we share a joy, it is an invitation for the person we are talking to vicariously experience some of the joy (or pain) in our lives.

Yes, it must be done with sensitivity. And should not be done to one-up each other. And a good relationship will cover many facets, but I enjoy hearing about good times my friends have and hope they enjoy hearing about mine.

I am getting older. I can no longer do many things I could in the past. As I have posted before, I lost my bladder a few years back, and while many ostomates travel extensively, I am a little leery about flying or taking a long bus ride, etc. But I still like hearing about the adventurous activities of people I know.

During times of introspection I have noticed that a lot of my posts are drawn from my experiences. It is not a focus on myself, it is sharing God's working with others.

 

[Via dolarossa]

Yeh some people do drain us rather than uplift us.

Maybe it’s a test.

What I find, is it’s easier to imagine I have a crystal wall around me when I’m around people like this. We need to be on guard and if I’m already in a bad mood I need to rely on something real quick. My imaginary crystal wall surrounding me ( bit like a the shield of faith) works wonders for any sneaky energy losses that get seeped out and drain me.

for you to find a way to retain your lovely vibes