Cultural Communication Differences

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bobinfaith

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One of the areas or concerns I have always had with online Christian forums are the misunderstandings members have that lead to confrontation, escalate to combativeness and division. This is amongst Christians!

After 20 years as a poster on 2 previous Christian sites and for the last 15 years with Christian Forum Site, it only dawned on me the last couple of weeks; could it be our country, culture and interpretation of how we read each other's posts lead us to misunderstand one another?

I praise God for many men and women of God who get along well on Christian forums but there is still many who don't get along, mostly because of misunderstandings.

Off the internet my wife and I are constantly surrounded by non-believer and Christian friends. Overall, we get along much better in person. Some of our friends are from overseas. The advantage is we see them face to face. But should that look down or dismiss online fellowship?

Granted, the ancient Biblical Jewish, Greek, Roman, etc...cultures were different back then compared to today. But this does not change the cultural and communication languages of today. I believe they are still a gift from God which means we are empowered to communicate with one another effectively while minimizing the misunderstandings, as being made in the image of God.

1 Corinthians 14:10-11, 10 There are doubtless many different languages in the world, and none is without meaning; 11 but if I do not know the meaning of the language, I shall be a foreigner to the speaker and the speaker a foreigner to me. 12 So with yourselves; since you are eager for manifestations of the Spirit, strive to excel in building up the church. - RSV

I have some suggestions how we can apply this passage in our daily lives but I'm interested in hearing from our members, first. Now, lets be clear. There is no wrong answer, just your personal view and experience.

God bless you all and thank you.

Bob
 
bobinfaith said:
One of the areas or concerns I have always had with online Christian forums are the misunderstandings members have that lead to confrontation, escalate to combativeness and division. This is amongst Christians!

After 20 years as a poster on 2 previous Christian sites and for the last 15 years with Christian Forum Site, it only dawned on me the last couple of weeks; could it be our country, culture and interpretation of how we read each other's posts lead us to misunderstand one another?
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There have been several occasions where I have had to step back and really think about the response that someone has given to me.
AT one time.... I would simply have JUMPED the bus and ASSUMED the WORST.... but as you have pointed out.... the contributors of forums are from ALL around the world... then we don't know if English is even their first language.... the keyboard hides so many things... and written word is NOT always ACCURATE in expressing the emotion that was meant to be conveyed.

I think stepping back in situations where a NEGATIVE message is being "perceived" is the FIRST step we should ALL be doing.... and Bob... I have to say.... that YOU are the person that really got me to come to this place... due to how you carry yourself within the forums.

I know for a fact... there have been times where you have had to speak to me regarding an attitude... and I CAN TELL by your words to me... that you FIRST off began in PRAYER.... and then proceeded to speak to my heart with humility. This is truly profound... and I am telling you that it has made a difference in how I REACT to most things within the forums.

I also think the fact that I TRULY consider this place my church and my family means that I am going to give more of my time... my energy... and I am going to try harder to get along with others... including perhaps giving the benefit of the doubt when I don't necessarily feel it's deserved. I certainly don't get this 100% right.

I think another point... is that people come to the forums for various reasons... MY reason is FELLOWSHIP...so... my posts are going to be along those lines... There are personalities here... that can be defined by their words... We have our poets... we have our artists... we have our writers.... and the list goes on. I like to say that people leave a fragrance behind.... Over time... you get a FEEL for someone.

We all have those days.... we all get into a FUNK sometimes.... and BOB.... you helped me through this last one. Thankfully I am not too high maintenance.... except for in the Cabin... haha.

I hope I answered this correctly....
 
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bobinfaith said:
One of the areas or concerns I have always had with online Christian forums are the misunderstandings members have that lead to confrontation, escalate to combativeness and division. This is amongst Christians!

After 20 years as a poster on 2 previous Christian sites and for the last 15 years with Christian Forum Site, it only dawned on me the last couple of weeks; could it be our country, culture and interpretation of how we read each other's posts lead us to misunderstand one another?

I praise God for many men and women of God who get along well on Christian forums but there is still many who don't get along, mostly because of misunderstandings.

Off the internet my wife and I are constantly surrounded by non-believer and Christian friends. Overall, we get along much better in person. Some of our friends are from overseas. The advantage is we see them face to face. But should that look down or dismiss online fellowship?

Granted, the ancient Biblical Jewish, Greek, Roman, etc...cultures were different back then compared to today. But this does not change the cultural and communication languages of today. I believe they are still a gift from God which means we are empowered to communicate with one another effectively while minimizing the misunderstandings, as being made in the image of God.

1 Corinthians 14:10-11, 10 There are doubtless many different languages in the world, and none is without meaning; 11 but if I do not know the meaning of the language, I shall be a foreigner to the speaker and the speaker a foreigner to me. 12 So with yourselves; since you are eager for manifestations of the Spirit, strive to excel in building up the church. - RSV

I have some suggestions how we can apply this passage in our daily lives but I'm interested in hearing from our members, first. Now, lets be clear. There is no wrong answer, just your personal view and experience.

God bless you all and thank you.

Bob
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Misunderstandings are not hard to become involved with, especially among differing cultures.

During Desert Storm, I briefly shared a tent with a Saudi major. In an effort to control the obnoxious, biting desert flies, I put up fly paper in the tent. That evening I found the strip hanging from one of the outside tent ropes. Since I had only one roommate, I asked the major why he moved the fly strip outside. He looked baffled for a moment before responding without batting an eye with, "You will catch more flies outside."

Another time I asked my German landlord why German windows were not screened to help keep out the summer flies. He, too, gave me a puzzled look before asking, "How would the flies get out?"
 
bobinfaith said:
One of the areas or concerns I have always had with online Christian forums are the misunderstandings members have that lead to confrontation, escalate to combativeness and division. This is amongst Christians!

After 20 years as a poster on 2 previous Christian sites and for the last 15 years with Christian Forum Site, it only dawned on me the last couple of weeks; could it be our country, culture and interpretation of how we read each other's posts lead us to misunderstand one another?

I praise God for many men and women of God who get along well on Christian forums but there is still many who don't get along, mostly because of misunderstandings.

Off the internet my wife and I are constantly surrounded by non-believer and Christian friends. Overall, we get along much better in person. Some of our friends are from overseas. The advantage is we see them face to face. But should that look down or dismiss online fellowship?

Granted, the ancient Biblical Jewish, Greek, Roman, etc...cultures were different back then compared to today. But this does not change the cultural and communication languages of today. I believe they are still a gift from God which means we are empowered to communicate with one another effectively while minimizing the misunderstandings, as being made in the image of God.

1 Corinthians 14:10-11, 10 There are doubtless many different languages in the world, and none is without meaning; 11 but if I do not know the meaning of the language, I shall be a foreigner to the speaker and the speaker a foreigner to me. 12 So with yourselves; since you are eager for manifestations of the Spirit, strive to excel in building up the church. - RSV

I have some suggestions how we can apply this passage in our daily lives but I'm interested in hearing from our members, first. Now, lets be clear. There is no wrong answer, just your personal view and experience.

God bless you all and thank you.

Bob
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I certainly do not have the answer. However, just like you as a Pastor, I have seen exactly what you have posted. We all have seen it play out right here on this forum.

I would first of all say that the reason "why" is Because people don't hunger for the absolute truth among all the deceptions. YES, we say we are but deep down we always fall back on what we were taught.

You see, It's easy for people to take a scripture out of its context and manipulate the truth about it to make it make sense to them.
In other words, If I personally believe that the death penalty is wrong and I hate it, I am able to take the Scriptures and manipulate them to back what I like to be true even if what I like is not Biblical.

Now remove the topic "Death Penalty" and insert homosexuality, or pornography, or substance abuse and prostitution or divorce.

However, as you and I know and understand the thing is that the truth is the truth, it always is and always will be, and believe me when you thirst that much for the truth, you will find it. Sadly, many ppl even in the church don't think that way.

It always comes back to.....I like what I know even if what I know is wrong"!

If I could give a name to my Christian walk, I'd call it 'The Quest for the Absolute Truth.' After all, the real truth is what God created, and that's what I seek. Now because of that one truth, over the years I have had to change my perspective and get rid of the "wrong stuff" so as to able to understand the "right BIBLICAL stuff"!
 
thenami said:
We are all human after all; Christ was the only perfect being.
As humans each and every one of us has our triggers.
Sometimes, they make us feel things with strong emotions.
Anger just happens to be one of them. Expressing it is another story.
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Agreed and in fact, Anger itself is not a sin, as it is attributed to God Himself in the Bible. However, human anger is usually portrayed as sinful in Scripture. Anger becomes sin when it is allowed to boil over unconstrained resulting in hurt being multiplied and leaving destruction in its wake. The Bible tells us to “Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger”.
 
Thank you for your posts, everyone!

I find that most of what was shared as culturally misunderstood stems right here in America. Each State kind of represents their own unique, backyard culture.

For example, in the day to day life in an American metropolitan city is vastly different compared to the Rocky Mountains such as Wyoming, or farmlands such as Iowa or Wisconsin. Though we are considered the United States, it has a wide range of traditions and customs. The same goes for countries / cities in London, Toronto, Myanmar, Australia, etc...

Adding to the example, when we discuss daily problems like relationships, community, politics, work, faith with others we may give our views, answers, solutions other than Jesus. Many times we fail to give them Jesus.

Many of you who are seasoned Christians, stay with me on this.

Major shared, However, as you and I know and understand the thing is that the truth is the truth, it always is and always will be, and believe me when you thirst that much for the truth, you will find it. Sadly, many ppl even in the church don't think that way.

I agree. Paul teaches us in Ephesians 4:11-15 there are two key points - unity of the faith and speaking the truth in love.

There was a member at CFS from another country who once opened up in a thread. She was devastated over an extreme problem. We posted to affirm her problem but we failed to give her Jesus, in truthful love and unity. The member never returned with any positive testimonial result. Perhaps in her thinking something held her back.

Granted, our cultures mixed with our faith may affect the way we communicate in an online environment. This should not stop us from being built up in the Gospels of knowing Jesus, but also being in Jesus. So, what is being in Jesus?

It goes beyond just reading the Scriptures. We ask God each day, what is Your purpose,Lord? Do we believe in God's plan for each of us, do we trust and obey God? This includes each new day (future purpose) of the next person who may cross our path, no matter what country or city. With God's purpose He will equip us what to say or do regarding the circumstances, success or brokeness that we see around us.

Your thoughts?

God bless everyone.

Bob
 
bobinfaith said:
Adding to the example, when we discuss daily problems like relationships, community, politics, work, faith with others we may give our views, answers, solutions other than Jesus. Many times we fail to give them Jesus.
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I'm not sure I am reading you correctly here Bob.... however... I will attempt to add to the above statement.

Relationships and how to handle them are written in the Bible. We have a very clear road map of how a CHRISTIAN is supposed to carry themselves.

For me.. .within the forums... I will oblige everyone with my opinions and or other contributions.... UNTIL I feel disrespected and NOT on equal ground with another. IF that happens... I simply decide NOT to engage with such a person... moving forward.
Is it right to DISMISS someone??? I believe sometimes... it is necessary.., in order to keep the peace.
I do not have the patience or tolerance to engage with others who think themselves superior... and refuse to communicate in a respectful manner. THIS issue... I believe... happens EVERYWHERE.

We are blessed that these particular forums work very hard to nip these type of attitude issues in the bud.

I think for issues like politics and work... there is NO clear road map other than to respect authority... and to give Caesar what belongs to Caesar ( which I'm assuming means... paying taxes ).
Again... I am grateful that these topics are not allowed to be discussed.... especially at this particular time since my own country seems to be in an uproar like I have never seen.

When a CHRISTIAN is talking with a fellow-Christian... an assumption is made right off the bat that BOTH parties already HAVE JESUS.... and therefore will automatically follow the rules of respect with the hope that mutual belief in CHRIST should shine FORTH and light the way to solutions during conflict leading to peace.

I guess I say the above to state that ATTITUDE seems to be the biggest issue in at least written communication. If someone is NOT willing to listen to others and respect others.... they don't really belong in the playing field. ( in my opinion ).
 
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bobinfaith said:
Thank you for your posts, everyone!

I find that most of what was shared as culturally misunderstood stems right here in America. Each State kind of represents their own unique, backyard culture.

For example, in the day to day life in an American metropolitan city is vastly different compared to the Rocky Mountains such as Wyoming, or farmlands such as Iowa or Wisconsin. Though we are considered the United States, it has a wide range of traditions and customs. The same goes for countries / cities in London, Toronto, Myanmar, Australia, etc...

Adding to the example, when we discuss daily problems like relationships, community, politics, work, faith with others we may give our views, answers, solutions other than Jesus. Many times we fail to give them Jesus.

Many of you who are seasoned Christians, stay with me on this.

Major shared, However, as you and I know and understand the thing is that the truth is the truth, it always is and always will be, and believe me when you thirst that much for the truth, you will find it. Sadly, many ppl even in the church don't think that way.

I agree. Paul teaches us in Ephesians 4:11-15 there are two key points - unity of the faith and speaking the truth in love.

There was a member at CFS from another country who once opened up in a thread. She was devastated over an extreme problem. We posted to affirm her problem but we failed to give her Jesus, in truthful love and unity. The member never returned with any positive testimonial result. Perhaps in her thinking something held her back.

Granted, our cultures mixed with our faith may affect the way we communicate in an online environment. This should not stop us from being built up in the Gospels of knowing Jesus, but also being in Jesus. So, what is being in Jesus?

It goes beyond just reading the Scriptures. We ask God each day, what is Your purpose,Lord? Do we believe in God's plan for each of us, do we trust and obey God? This includes each new day (future purpose) of the next person who may cross our path, no matter what country or city. With God's purpose He will equip us what to say or do regarding the circumstances, success or brokeness that we see around us.

Your thoughts?

God bless everyone.

Bob
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Good stuff my friend.

Galatians 3:26-28 gives us an insight to your question.........
"In Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Paul is speaking to the Christians in Galatia, reminding them of their new identity since they placed their faith in Jesus Christ. To be "baptized into Christ".

That means that we were identified with Christ, having left their old sinful lives and fully embracing the new life in Christ.

I do not know this but I suspect deep down in my heart, many, many believers fail to grasp the theological truth that when Jesus took our place on the cross, He suffered the punishment our sin deserves. His last words before He died were, in John 19:30 was "It is finished". What was finished? Not merely His earthly life. As He proved three days later, that was not finished. What He finished on the cross was God’s plan to redeem His fallen world. When Jesus said, "It is finished," He was stating that He had successfully paid in full for every act of rebellion, past, present, and future.

To be "in Christ" means we have accepted His sacrifice as payment for our own sin.

Our rap sheets contain every sinful thought, attitude or action we have ever committed. No amount of self-cleansing can make us pure enough to warrant forgiveness and a relationship with a holy God. The Bible says that in our natural sinful state we are enemies of God . When we accept His sacrifice on our behalf, He switches accounts with us. He exchanges our list of sins for His perfect account that is totally pleasing to God. A Divine Exchange takes place at the foot of the cross: our old sin nature for His perfect one.

However, in the last 50 years or so we have allowed false teachers to tell us that God owes us something. They have convinced us that If we will give to God (Their ministry) He will give us what we pray for. We have allowed charlatans to convince us that the Christian life means that we will be wealthy and free from sin.

That kind of nonesense has then placed the "sinful" man on the ssame level as a Holy Jesus Christ. To enter the presence of a holy God, we must be hidden in the righteousness of Christ. To be "in Christ" means that God no longer sees our imperfections; He sees the righteousness of His own Son.

Only "in Christ" is our sin debt cancelled, our relationship with God restored, and our eternity secured and that message seems to be missing in todays Christian preaching.
 
In Awe of Him said:
I'm not sure I am reading you correctly here Bob.... however... I will attempt to add to the above statement.

Relationships and how to handle them are written in the Bible. We have a very clear road map of how a CHRISTIAN is supposed to carry themselves.

For me.. .within the forums... I will oblige everyone with my opinions and or other contributions.... UNTIL I feel disrespected and NOT on equal ground with another. IF that happens... I simply decide NOT to engage with such a person... moving forward.
Is it right to DISMISS someone??? I believe sometimes... it is necessary.., in order to keep the peace.
I do not have the patience or tolerance to engage with others who think themselves superior... and refuse to communicate in a respectful manner. THIS issue... I believe... happens EVERYWHERE.

We are blessed that these particular forums work very hard to nip these type of attitude issues in the bud.

I think for issues like politics and work... there is NO clear road map other than to respect authority... and to give Caesar what belongs to Caesar ( which I'm assuming means... paying taxes ).
Again... I am grateful that these topics are not allowed to be discussed.... especially at this particular time since my own country seems to be in an uproar like I have never seen.

When a CHRISTIAN is talking with a fellow-Christian... an assumption is made right off the bat that BOTH parties already HAVE JESUS.... and therefore will automatically follow the rules of respect with the hope that mutual belief in CHRIST should shine FORTH and light the way to solutions during conflict leading to peace.

I guess I say the above to state that ATTITUDE seems to be the biggest issue in at least written communication. If someone is NOT willing to listen to others and respect others.... they don't really belong in the playing field. ( in my opinion ).
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You asked.........
"Is it right to DISMISS someone???"................YES!
I have to be careful here, but I have had to do that in several instances right here on this forum. I have had to do that to keep from being drawn into a situation which will tax my ability to stay calm and lead me into a confrontation.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard someone say something like:
I’ve experienced blowback in the secular world, but nothing prepared me for church hate." Sound familiar???
Christian believers can be especially angry and even sometimes vicious and we have to ask......WHY?

Now bear with me. I am an old country boy who had the blessings of God to be able to go to school and learn if what I was taught as a child was what God taught us in the Bible. Then I was able to serve God for 50 years to get me to the point that I was no longer physically able to do what the church needed to be done. So I hang out on this Christian forum so as to help others understand the Truth of God's Word....not my opinion or what someone has told me.

Ok, that being said I am sure that you now realize that many people operate on Christian forums because they want to impress the world with their supposed knowledge. You see......that right there fulfills their need to be recognized and feel important.
You see them always in the middle of an argument or in a position of confrontation to make sure that everyone knows that they are special and entitled to speak for God and the moderators are continually having to speak to them on their actions and attitude.

Those are the ones you need to identify and dismiss. Actually, this is nothing new. We all do the same thing in everyday life.

God bless you sister and thanks for your open hearted posts.
 
Major.... You know that you are my go-to-guy for doctrinal issues.... and Bob is my go-to-guy when I am having a hissy fit... HAHAHA
I am quite certain you got the better end of that stick. HAHAHA.

I agree with your above words.
 
Major said:
You see them always in the middle of an argument or in a position of confrontation to make sure that everyone knows that they are special and entitled to speak for God and the moderators are continually having to speak to them on their actions and attitude.
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I should have included this in the above post as I still have time... but hey.... I like wasting paper. HA.

I think there are two separate issues in your above words...

The problem that you are referring to is one of pride/arrogance. If people are willing to display this very BAD behaviour in a public forum... chances are... they are doing the same thing in real life.

I think there is yet another issue... and that is that people come to places like this and lack the wisdom to TREAT others like human beings.
There seems to be a "feeling" of ... oh well.... it doesn't matter... it's just a forum. That attitude does NOT play out here... but in the prior forums I belonged to.... oh my gosh.... It was like a FREE for all.... survival of the fittest... and dog eat dog. By the time I arrived here.... I had been chewed up and spit out so many times it wasn't funny. SO.................... YEAH.... I appreciate RULES..... I appreciate CONSISTANT consequences of bad behaviour.

These forums are the FRUIT of diligent and very hard work on the part of a very WISE staff over the years. WE are reaping the benefits of a WELL RUN SHIP.... and again... man oh man.... CFS needs to hire me as their POSTER CHILD... because I yet again.... SING their praises.
 
In Awe of Him said:
If people are willing to display this very BAD behaviour in a public forum... chances are... they are doing the same thing in real life.
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I suspect just the opposite. People online hide behind a veil of anonymity that gives them confidence to express their inner feelings. Not unlike a bad drunk, they say things online they never would in person.

The trick is to remind ourselves that there is no difference between online/offline. If behavior is poor then it is poor in any context.
 
LearningToLetGo said:
I suspect just the opposite.
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I guess I was separating arrogance as something very difficult to break away from.

People are getting very bold in real life. One cannot make a simple driving mistake without someone giving the finger or worse... SCREAMING obscenities out there window...

A few years ago... my friend and I went for a drive to another city... she made a mistake and I think she cut someone off...WELL... that young man was so angry... that he drove in front of us as we were parked on the side of the road to get our bearings straight and he proceeded to get out of his car with his finger fiercely wagging at us. WE both played the "lost old lady card". That was very scary.

So I'm not sure if I'm inclined to agree completely with how people act in real life.
 
In Awe of Him said:
I should have included this in the above post as I still have time... but hey.... I like wasting paper. HA.

I think there are two separate issues in your above words...

The problem that you are referring to is one of pride/arrogance. If people are willing to display this very BAD behaviour in a public forum... chances are... they are doing the same thing in real life.

I think there is yet another issue... and that is that people come to places like this and lack the wisdom to TREAT others like human beings.
There seems to be a "feeling" of ... oh well.... it doesn't matter... it's just a forum. That attitude does NOT play out here... but in the prior forums I belonged to.... oh my gosh.... It was like a FREE for all.... survival of the fittest... and dog eat dog. By the time I arrived here.... I had been chewed up and spit out so many times it wasn't funny. SO.................... YEAH.... I appreciate RULES..... I appreciate CONSISTANT consequences of bad behaviour.

These forums are the FRUIT of diligent and very hard work on the part of a very WISE staff over the years. WE are reaping the benefits of a WELL RUN SHIP.... and again... man oh man.... CFS needs to hire me as their POSTER CHILD... because I yet again.... SING their praises.
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You are correct. If/when you see bad behaviour from someone who is hiding behind a computer screen, can you imagine what they are like in real time life situations?

I agree also about this forum compared to others. The moderators here are to be commended for their work to keep this a "Christian" place where people can learn and grow without being burned at the stake.
 
In Awe of Him said:
Major.... You know that you are my go-to-guy for doctrinal issues.... and Bob is my go-to-guy when I am having a hissy fit... HAHAHA. I am quite certain you got the better end of that stick. HAHAHA. I agree with your above words.
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LearningToLetGo said:
I suspect just the opposite. People online hide behind a veil of anonymity that gives them confidence to express their inner feelings. Not unlike a bad drunk, they say things online they never would in person. The trick is to remind ourselves that there is no difference between online/offline. If behavior is poor then it is poor in any context.
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Major said:
You are correct. If/when you see bad behaviour from someone who is hiding behind a computer screen, can you imagine what they are like in real time life situations? I agree also about this forum compared to others. The moderators here are to be commended for their work to keep this a "Christian" place where people can learn and grow without being burned at the stake.
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This is a wonderful example of how God can take the spectrum of different offline / online views, and bring it to a point of unity in Christian fellowship.

Unity in Christian fellowship can only grow.

There is always a Spirit of teaching, inquisitiveness of the Good News and a desire for peace during those times we question and don't understand;

1 Corinthians 2:9-10, 9 However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”—the things God has prepared for those who love him—10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. - NIV

We have many members at CFS that bring unique qualities to the table and it's amazing how God can bring us together in His love and grace.

Colossians 3:12-14, 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. - NIV
 
bobinfaith said:
We have many members at CFS that bring unique qualities to the table and it's amazing how God can bring us together in His love and grace.
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It's absolutely BEAUTIFUL to see God's family... working together to live out this:

  • Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
  • Luke 6:31: "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
  • Romans 12:10: "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."
  • Galatians 6:2: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
 
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