A Jonah moment?

It was saddening and upsetting to see happen at our church this Christmas,
Was there a member of the congregation sidelined by traditional plans/actions when they had something they wanted to contribute in spite of struggling with their faith


A Jonah moment?
(It’s gone way beyond that…)

Im drowning in these thoughts,
Trying to reject them
Trying not let them ferment
Infest, poison everything,
Try as I might to ignore them,
A tidal wave overwhelms me
Feel like I’m drowning
In confusion and pain!

You see,

I’m sat at the back of the church
Waiting,
Wanting to contribute…
Watching the same old same old
By the same old, same old…

“The programme is quite full right now?
May be next year”
We’re on a tight schedule,
it’s all been sorted out!

Whatever,

I tried to contribute,
To pay my part,
Ok, I know what I have
to share won’t win any awards,

but,

That comment
Hit me hard,
deflated me,
Put me in that place where
Negative feelings overwhelms me
I’m just tolerated…
I see it in their eyes,
That glazed look,
The monosyllabic conversations,
That makes me feel not welcome, alienated
not part of the ‘In Crowd’

I don’t want to be a preacher,
or lead the worship band,
But I thought there might just be a moment, a little corner,
A little time for me to contribute something I wrote?

What hoops do I have to jump through?
What is it that I have to do
to be recognised,
At my age,
who knows how many years, weeks, days I’ve got left,
Might not be around next time
To contribute

What’s the point?

This time next tear
I maybe only a shadow,
A distant memory,
A faded mark on the paint work
where I once stood,
people wondering
Who made that mark?
Where did it come from?

As hope fades
I just give up,
melt into the background,
Be insignificant
the invisible soul at the end of the row
Just sitting here unnoticed twiddling my thumbs
Waiting for that chance,
That chance to contribute,

Won’t hold my breath hoping, don’t know which will happen first,
Just sit here til it’s my turn for heaven
(That’s If I don’t get slide-lined from that as well?)

Will I be missed? doubt it,
With me gone they’ll be able to get on…
Shall I not bother going to church
say ‘goodbye world’?
Or just watch the service on line
While fiddling with my phone?

Will I only be appreciated
when I’m six foot under?
Will I be remembered then?
Or will I just be a postscript at the bottom of the notices?
An addendum
One of those…
“Before I forget”?
You know “what’s his name?”

Don’t bother trying to rally around…
Damage done…
It’s too late,
Just leave me under the withering fig tree
Fading away…
Not pointing the finger
portioning blame…
Rant over
See you the other side
Of this pity party…

Maybe…
 
It was saddening and upsetting to see happen at our church this Christmas,
Was there a member of the congregation sidelined by traditional plans/actions when they had something they wanted to contribute in spite of struggling with their faith


A Jonah moment?
(It’s gone way beyond that…)

Im drowning in these thoughts,
Trying to reject them
Trying not let them ferment
Infest, poison everything,
Try as I might to ignore them,
A tidal wave overwhelms me
Feel like I’m drowning
In confusion and pain!

You see,

I’m sat at the back of the church
Waiting,
Wanting to contribute…
Watching the same old same old
By the same old, same old…

“The programme is quite full right now?
May be next year”
We’re on a tight schedule,
it’s all been sorted out!

Whatever,

I tried to contribute,
To pay my part,
Ok, I know what I have
to share won’t win any awards,

but,

That comment
Hit me hard,
deflated me,
Put me in that place where
Negative feelings overwhelms me
I’m just tolerated…
I see it in their eyes,
That glazed look,
The monosyllabic conversations,
That makes me feel not welcome, alienated
not part of the ‘In Crowd’

I don’t want to be a preacher,
or lead the worship band,
But I thought there might just be a moment, a little corner,
A little time for me to contribute something I wrote?

What hoops do I have to jump through?
What is it that I have to do
to be recognised,
At my age,
who knows how many years, weeks, days I’ve got left,
Might not be around next time
To contribute

What’s the point?

This time next tear
I maybe only a shadow,
A distant memory,
A faded mark on the paint work
where I once stood,
people wondering
Who made that mark?
Where did it come from?

As hope fades
I just give up,
melt into the background,
Be insignificant
the invisible soul at the end of the row
Just sitting here unnoticed twiddling my thumbs
Waiting for that chance,
That chance to contribute,

Won’t hold my breath hoping, don’t know which will happen first,
Just sit here til it’s my turn for heaven
(That’s If I don’t get slide-lined from that as well?)

Will I be missed? doubt it,
With me gone they’ll be able to get on…
Shall I not bother going to church
say ‘goodbye world’?
Or just watch the service on line
While fiddling with my phone?

Will I only be appreciated
when I’m six foot under?
Will I be remembered then?
Or will I just be a postscript at the bottom of the notices?
An addendum
One of those…
“Before I forget”?
You know “what’s his name?”

Don’t bother trying to rally around…
Damage done…
It’s too late,
Just leave me under the withering fig tree
Fading away…
Not pointing the finger
portioning blame…
Rant over
See you the other side
Of this pity party…

Maybe…
what is it that you seek. What do you long to claim as your redemption .
 
Hello Alan don't lose heart. Remember the Word says, what man calls great God calls foolish and what God calls great man calls foolish. Check out the beattitudes Matthew 5: those qualities aren't attained by being the big guy in the lime light. It says the footsteps of the righteous are ordered and all things work together to the good. God sees the heart and rewards accordingly. Those rewards may not be for anyone else to see but they are from the Lord and that is what counts.
 
It was so sad as a person who attempts to be creative to see another being passed over and his attempts to be so casually dismissed

Hello Alan;

I read and feel your poem. I feel this may be you? My wife and I used to belong to a church who had a member who is only 16. He is struggling with his gender dysphoria but has not acted on it and sinned. He had been a member since he was 4 years old, was in children's and youth ministry, and for the last two years was managing the powerpoint during service. He is a quiet and respectful member of his family and church, a good student and maintains a part time job at the mall.

Because of his struggle with dysphoria at such a young age, he was discouraged to continue serving in this ministry of managing the powerpoint. An elderly couple, fairly new in the church brought this up, misdirecting it all at the young man, puppeted the Pastor to have him step down. Problem is, the pastor or the elderly couple never bothered following up with the young teen by encouraging and praying for him since they're the ones that had him step down.

Unfortunately, there are too many Shepherds who cover up their poor decisions and mistakes, never bother to improve in connecting with God's flock. Unless an individual is blatantly living in disobedience to the Lord and in the church, nobody is qualified to take the place of God and decide on someone's potential and use of his talents in the ministry.

In my experience some of the best ministries have been the warriors who are seen sitting in the pews praying fervently for others.

If this was you or another, Alan, thank you for speaking to us through poetry.

You have a forum site at CFS who love you, brother. God bless you, your family and Happy New Year.
Bob
 
It was so sad as a person who attempts to be creative to see another being passed over and his attempts to be so casually dismissed
In what way do you mean as a person being so sad to see the creative attempts of others being so casually dismissed. Doctrinally? The music ministry ? the future direction of the church ? The hierarchy of church leadership? Alan your reply be a little vague on specifics could you elaborate some more. What was being so casually dismissed?
 
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In what way do you mean as a person being so sad to see the creative attempts of others being so casually dismissed. Doctrinally? The music ministry ? the future direction of the church ? The hierarchy of church leadership? Alan your reply be a little vague on specifics could you elaborate some more. What was being so casually dismissed?
Who it was is not the point I saw … well it’s like bringing a special sweet potato pie to the church bring and share faith supper and to be told to leave it in the kitchen because the tables full
And the pie never reached the banquet table and was taken home untouched at the end of the night having not even been seen or tasted.
I heard, first hand the way the person in charged declined even to look at the contribution and busied them selves away abruptly from the conversation.
and the look of dejection of the guys face
 
Alan I find that rather hard to imagine especially at a banquet or church morning tea. All apple, cherry and sweet potato pies be required on deck especially with all the little siblings and the appetites little ones have. Little lone all the adults I’m sure there would be room at the table soon enough . But if not and it be the case that your sweet potato pie was discriminated against . Would you really want to hang around such a unloving place. Maybe best to move on. We have a remedy for that in Australia we simply slosh the pie over all over the offenders face. We respect no one who treats anyone as a 2nd class in our congregation. Why have you not done so but only observed? .
 
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Alan dear Brother, I feel tremendous pain and sadness from your poem. I wish I could take it away from you.
You have written that with amazing creativity.
But No we will not leave you under the fig tree we will carry you away from it. Do.not refuse us, do not push us away like they have done to that person.
You are worth much more than that. Can ee see what they have turned down? Will you share it with us brother?

God is watching dò not give up,
We love you brother
 
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