When I was 16-17, I was with a girl who I loved at the time. We talked a lot about getting married. I asked her if she wanted to marry me and she said yes and I gave her one of my mom's rings to put on her finger. I don't know if we wrote any vows but we said vows and promised to never leave each other. We had unprotected sex numerous times before and after as well and we declared ourselves married afterwards because sex consummates a marriage. We might've considered ourselves married for a week or so. I think I may have gotten her pregnant and she had a miscarriage but I'm not entirely sure about that. We had unprotected sex and didn't care if we had a baby because we wanted one. After all was said and done, we didn't genuinely consider ourselves married. We still considered ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. We weren't legally married and we still lived at home. We were only together for about eight months to a year and we broke up numerous times. It was the most immature relationship I've ever been in. I'm 23 years old now and I've been with the woman I truly love and want to marry for six years now. I want to have a true Biblical and Godly marriage with her. I've convinced myself that I'm married to my ex girlfriend and that if I preceed forward in marrying my current girlfriend, it would be adultery. This is one of the hardest things I've ever struggled with in my life. I realize how young and immature we were but people in the Bible married at a much younger age and there was no such thing as a legal marriage back then. I can't tell if we were truly married or if I'm just condemning myself and overthinking. My ex girlfriend is engaged and I just want to move on and live my life and marry the woman who I'm with now. She's the only woman I want to settle down and have a family with.
At what point are you considered married according to God?
- Thread starter NickH
- Start date
I'd also like to add that I did go to church with her one day and I met with her pastor. I have a memory of us saying vows in front of him and he may have married us then and there but I can't remember if that really happened. It was a long time ago and I could be remembering something that never actually happened.
I agree with crossnote that it is a good idea to go to your pastor for marriage counselling and also to fully disclose these things to your girlfriend. Marriage is more than a vow, it is a lifetime commitment to love, cherish, honor and otherwise care for another.
It sounds like you are approaching this commitment with your eyes open which is a good place to start.
I will pray that God work with you and your girlfriend to lead you to the right decision and to give you both the help you need to glorify God and act in love.
It sounds like you are approaching this commitment with your eyes open which is a good place to start.
I will pray that God work with you and your girlfriend to lead you to the right decision and to give you both the help you need to glorify God and act in love.
I definitely want to find a pastor and start going to church with her. I can't go back and visit her again until the Canadian border opens back up but we talked about going when the border opens.
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You have to be legally married, otherwise you were in a defacto relationship previoulsy and were fornicating. The thing is you can't 'think' yourself married it actually has to have two witnesses. The other part of marriage is leaving home, in the Bible it's 'leave and cleave'. You have to have left your mother (if you a guy) and to be supporting your wife.
It's like two kids playing at marriage but your weren't really, even though you slept with each other.
I think for you repenting of this immature relationship and being cleansed of any ties etc would help. Then your ex will also be free. I don't know if she knows that you are going to marry someone else but you might want to tell her if you still kept in touch, and then she knows that she has no claim on you.
You have to be legally married, otherwise you were in a defacto relationship previoulsy and were fornicating. The thing is you can't 'think' yourself married it actually has to have two witnesses. The other part of marriage is leaving home, in the Bible it's 'leave and cleave'. You have to have left your mother (if you a guy) and to be supporting your wife.
It's like two kids playing at marriage but your weren't really, even though you slept with each other.
I think for you repenting of this immature relationship and being cleansed of any ties etc would help. Then your ex will also be free. I don't know if she knows that you are going to marry someone else but you might want to tell her if you still kept in touch, and then she knows that she has no claim on you.
Hello NickH;
CPerkins wrote an encouraging word that by your opening up and talking about it is a good start. Lanolin also offers good wisdom of confessing to God your act of many years ago.
From what I read of your testimony I don't believe you were registered and licensed to be married in the United States. Some states don't require an official marriage license but in America there has to be some form of legal document that you are registered as being married in this country.
I don't know if you and your former girlfriend from years ago are willing to talk but your being a man of God would be the right thing to do, rise up and confront her with the purpose of bringing closure so you both can move on. The Bible teaches us about settling matters whether old or new matters, quickly;
Philippians 4:7, 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Meaning, God will give you peace, a settled conviction of the past, forgiveness and redemption as He guides you and her.
NickH, you still have your whole life in front of you as well as your current girlfriend. If you both have to wait for the pandemic to ease up, you can still have that conversation with the Pastor via phone call or online conference. Please ask all your questions to the Pastor and he will be able to answer you both.
In the Old and New Testaments, God always makes a way through our circumstances. He wants to see your and her heart. If you folks feel the love for each other, then nothing will get in the way with God blessing the both of you and your future.
In the meantime, we'll all pray for you and what God says about His plans for you and your current girlfriend.
God bless you, NickH, and your family.
CPerkins wrote an encouraging word that by your opening up and talking about it is a good start. Lanolin also offers good wisdom of confessing to God your act of many years ago.
From what I read of your testimony I don't believe you were registered and licensed to be married in the United States. Some states don't require an official marriage license but in America there has to be some form of legal document that you are registered as being married in this country.
I don't know if you and your former girlfriend from years ago are willing to talk but your being a man of God would be the right thing to do, rise up and confront her with the purpose of bringing closure so you both can move on. The Bible teaches us about settling matters whether old or new matters, quickly;
Philippians 4:7, 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Meaning, God will give you peace, a settled conviction of the past, forgiveness and redemption as He guides you and her.
NickH, you still have your whole life in front of you as well as your current girlfriend. If you both have to wait for the pandemic to ease up, you can still have that conversation with the Pastor via phone call or online conference. Please ask all your questions to the Pastor and he will be able to answer you both.
In the Old and New Testaments, God always makes a way through our circumstances. He wants to see your and her heart. If you folks feel the love for each other, then nothing will get in the way with God blessing the both of you and your future.
In the meantime, we'll all pray for you and what God says about His plans for you and your current girlfriend.
God bless you, NickH, and your family.
Thank you for all the replies and prayers! I did go to church with my ex girlfriend one time and I met with her pastor. I have a memory of us talking to him about getting married and him marrying us on the spot but I don't know if that really happened. It could be a false memory. It was a really long time ago and I'm having trouble remembering things.
Ok, but let's not forget that some US states recognize "common law marriages." Here are the places that recognize common-law marriage: Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only), Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah and the District of Columbia.
I think SC changed that particular law, but it is not retroactive.
I live in North Carolina. I don't think we have common law marriage here.
I don't know if the Bible gives specific details, (quick scan of leviticus doesn't seem to give any specific instructions) the first marriage in Genesis suggests FIRST that the husband leaves his mother and father and then they become one flesh. I.e. you live in a separate dwelling, you leave your family behind. Then you get to know each other.
The Bible often talks about men 'taking' a wife, which seems to mean that the wife is taken away from her own family.
In most cultures the wife then takes her husbands surname, indicating she has a new identity and a new family.
The Bible often talks about men 'taking' a wife, which seems to mean that the wife is taken away from her own family.
In most cultures the wife then takes her husbands surname, indicating she has a new identity and a new family.
No you don't. Looks like a SC thing.
Hello NickH;
Common Law Marriage is a man law in various states in America which does not require a legal license or certificate of marriage. I attended a common law marriage and it was kind of cool. I remember the bride had flowers in her hair and the groom wore sandals and exchanged their own vows in front of friends. Less than two years later it ended. They had a hard time filing with the court whether it was valid, what were the benefits for the wife if they had children, community property, it only escalated and worsened at the end of the marriage.
I would not recommend a common law marriage between a man and woman. I feel good accountability of an ordained minister is worth any marriage that is seriously set for life.
God gives a great example of this. In Genesis 2:23-24 God actually solemnized the sanctification of marriage between Adam and Eve. There was no formal ceremony, (go figure,) but this was considered the first marriage.
You already seem prompted by the spirit in the direction you want to marry and by seeking your pastor is a good first step. I'm sure he will give you and your current girlfriend some wise uplifting.
God bless you, NickH and your girlfriend.