Choosing between two people

Jul 26, 2015
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So something very heartbreaking has just happened that I would like sum advice on particularly from men. For the past 5 months I've been hanging out/ getting to know a guy from my church. Nothing serious just enjoying each other. However he has really been showing a strong attraction to me...talking to me all day everyday, wanting to spend a lot of time with me out and about, taking me on dates, etc. Everything women love from a man. But bcuz I've been trying to keep things under control I've been pulling back a lot and being very distant with him but he knows I like him, I just haven't been wanting to do too much with him outside of a relationship. Well about a wk ago he called and revealed to me that he has started liking someone else and that she likes him back..they are not a couple but he is open to it being more and wanted to tell me b4 anything happened since he cares a lot for me and has feelings for me. He still wants us to engage with each other like we've been doing but IF he gets involved with her things btw him and I would of course end. Him and I are completely diff and there have been and still are issues and things to be worked out for us to be together so that's why we haven't gotten to that point yet. However, I can't handle engaging with him knowing he has this other woman in the picture...and now I'm realizing how much he means to me and that I'm ready for us to take that next step. But if he's not ready/interested then I feel it's time for me to move on. Thoughts??? Thanks
 

AtomicSnowflake

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Dec 19, 2014
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Thoughts?
Am confused are you choosing between two people or him? And the other lady do you even know her. And what feelings exactly. Some Men just have feelings for everybody. Doesnt matter that they go to church they just see any women and try to hook up with them, drop one then see another and hook up again. Ive never seen a man go out with two women at once but who knows if they were really christian it wouldnt be a problem after all didnt Jesus see both Mary and Martha and was good friends with them both, and of course shared his feelings when Lazarus died.

If hes not a christian, not giving you any peace then shake the dust off your feet and move on. Ask God whats going on just sounds like your typical treat 'em mean, keep em keen kind of game. Just pray for singlemindedness cos you cant be doubleminded about God is what it comes down to.

I'd just say next time hes mentioning the other lady well lets all go out and do stuff together and I will bring a friend too. I so want to meet your other friend. That will show his true colours. Men dont think women talk to each other but they do lol.
 
Jul 26, 2015
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Thoughts?
Am confused are you choosing between two people or him? And the other lady do you even know her. And what feelings exactly. Some Men just have feelings for everybody. Doesnt matter that they go to church they just see any women and try to hook up with them, drop one then see another and hook up again. Ive never seen a man go out with two women at once but who knows if they were really christian it wouldnt be a problem after all didnt Jesus see both Mary and Martha and was good friends with them both, and of course shared his feelings when Lazarus died.

If hes not a christian, not giving you any peace then shake the dust off your feet and move on. Ask God whats going on just sounds like your typical treat 'em mean, keep em keen kind of game. Just pray for singlemindedness cos you cant be doubleminded about God is what it comes down to.

I'd just say next time hes mentioning the other lady well lets all go out and do stuff together and I will bring a friend too. I so want to meet your other friend. That will show his true colours. Men dont think women talk to each other but they do lol.
I honestly just feel like he doesn't know what he wants, he's 41 by the way and has never been married. I think he just gets into relationships when he feels a connection with someone but without the thought of marriage. I know he wants to get married eventually but that usually means not right now. If he was ready to find a wife he wouldn't have been entertaining 2 women in that way he would have just been pursuing one of us in my opinion.
 
Sep 7, 2019
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My advice? Do the Christian thing; I will pray for you. Talk with your pastor that actually knows this man, and you both for that matter. Everyone has had different life circumstances that bring them to different points in their own Christian walk. Just because he's saved, doesn't mean he will have the same integrity and values that you do. Speaking from my experiences, I would enjoy a Christian a husband (both the men I loved in life have passed on). However I do not date. Why? Most single men in my age group want to sin without a commitment. Spare yourself the heartache; get advice from your pastor. You could be easily dodging a bullet.
 
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I honestly just feel like he doesn't know what he wants, he's 41 by the way and has never been married. I think he just gets into relationships when he feels a connection with someone but without the thought of marriage. I know he wants to get married eventually but that usually means not right now. If he was ready to find a wife he wouldn't have been entertaining 2 women in that way he would have just been pursuing one of us in my opinion.
Oh well you dont wanna get married anyway. Well not to this guy. So there shouldnt be any problem. Just say your not interested anymore next time he asks you out.
 
Jul 26, 2015
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Oh well you dont wanna get married anyway. Well not to this guy. So there shouldnt be any problem. Just say your not interested anymore next time he asks you out.
So you think I shouldn't want to be with him anyway even if he was interested?
 
Dec 19, 2014
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So you think I shouldn't want to be with him anyway even if he was interested?
Well hes not you said he was interested in someone else didnt you? And you said you didnt want someonewhos interested in two people at the same time so, you answered your own question. Dont try and complicate things here. You cant have your cake and eat it too.
 
Feb 10, 2015
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Interpersonal relationships can be either the most emotionally rewarding or the most emotionally devastating experiences.

The difference between the two can be the two people involved wanting different things or a different level of commitment. It sounds like your friend wanted to develop that commitment, but you did not feel the need, or were uncomfortable with the where that might lead.

So, he backed off. One way he did this was to consider developing other friendships, which lessens the commitment between you. Probably hurt him to do this, but was his way of acknowledging your wishes. He respects you enough to let you know that he no longer considers the relationship exclusive.

I just haven't been wanting to do too much with him outside of a relationship.
I am not sure I understand this. How could doing something with him be outside of a relationship? If you are not willing to share his daily cares and activities, nor are willing to share yours with him, and work through them together, then your commitment to the relationship may not support a closer relationship, which may be the root of your problem.

As far as the 'other woman', as I said before, I see nothing wrong in his actions, though it may be unfortunate for you both. If you examined things and decide that your feelings would support a closer relationship, sharing your daily cares and efforts, he may be willing to return to an exclusive relationship, but that would be up to him. I would advise having a serious talk and determine his expectations and tell him yours.

But I do not advise continuing a relationship where the expectations and desires are not equally serious.
 
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I agree with siloam, sounds like one party is being too clingy so the other is giving the the other an 'out'. I dont think there is anything wrong with male and females being friends as christians are meant to treat each other as brothers and sisters.
I mean who wants to marry every single person they meet thats just not possible, neither is it healthy to totally rely on one person for everything, they are not God.