If you are looking for the truth, don't listen to me. Instead, I would prefer it if you listened to a more authoritative speaker, that is, God. One of the many faults I hold against myself is the fact that I trust, to some extent, the beliefs and reasonings of other people. Even though I never fully believe something until I have tested it out, I still feel it is a great error to look anywhere but scripture. If God's word is true, and it is, then that is where all of our hopes, dreams, and beliefs should rest on. When God or his son says "Truly, truly", It is, in fact, true. His word is so important that it is used as an analogy for the son himself. In the beginning was the word. But do not take my word, take God's. Let every man be a liar, and let God's word be true. It is sad though, because even though I have this belief I still enjoy trying to find the truth in other people. Because after all, if I can't find anyone with the truth, then I myself cannot expect to have it. It is a shame that our religion is divided into so many different parts and beliefs, when we should all be abiding on the same vine, that is Jesus Christ. Some Christians believe in evolution for crying out loud! Something that is so obviously contrary to biblical Genesis is ACTUALLY believed by people who also believe in Christ. What is the issue here? Why is the Holy Spirit not giving us all the SAME truth? Why the division, and most nnoticeably confusion? Are we simply not reading scripture enough? Or perhaps are we reading into the text with our own beliefs at the back of our minds? Why is the Holy Spirit seemingly not working? Surely we can trust that the Holy Spirit, the spirit of God, if inside us, is in fact giving us the truth. Right? I have traversed many different interpretations of scripture, and have found that I am praying for God to give me the truth. I am torn between different doctrines, one that says all sinners go to hell, and that a Christian "Cannot Sin", and another that says we will always be saved as long as our hope is in Jesus. I am torn between if the God of the bible really will torment people for eternity, or if he will, as an all powerful God, save every last one of his creatures. Maybe this all goes back to the lovely garden of Eden. That oh so deadly fruit of the knowledge of good and evil is perhaps to blame for all this confusion. However, if we want to be simplistic, we already know the TRUTH. That is Jesus Christ. That IS, in fact, what connects all Christianity. The fact that Jesus Christ died for the sins of all men, Jew and Gentile. The fact that believing in him IS your ticket to Heaven. NO true Christian would ever doubt this doctrine. But can a Christian dare say the Bible is NOT 100% accurate in truth and teaching? Can a TRUE Christian believe in evolution? Is there any room? This is my problem. Where exactly do we draw the line? Is a Christian still a Christian if his doctrine of sin is all wrong? Can a Christian still be a Christian if he thinks homosexuality is something that is genetic, and cannot be helped? Now I understand we are all Babes in Christ, and God is far from finished with his work in and on us. But where are Christians ripe with truth and maturity? Even Biblical scholars and pastors disagree on MANY doctrines that affect the way one thinks about true salvation. Is it fair to say we are all doomed to confusion until Christ's second coming? Is it fair to say that true TRUTH and maturity don't arrive until our beloved has returned? If he is "The Way, The Truth, and The Life", then wouldn't it be fair to say that we have no perfect understanding of truth until he is shining in our midst? I have once believed in the doctrine of sinless perfection. The doctrine that says a true Christian is saved so he can NEVER sin again. But even though many of my sins have been overcome, I am sad to say I am left with numerous amounts of sins I was unaware were even sins! And so it is I struggle with Biblical interpretation. Jesus has given me salvation, but can I lose it? Many verses would argue yes, but in a different understanding they argue no. Oh God, Jesus Christ, please help us from our confused hearts. You have given your word plainly, but our hearts cannot grasp its meaning. What I am is a confused and sorrowful sinner. A man who has faith in Christ, but struggles in my failings and lack of certainty. Do I dare question my salvation? Or even worse, wrestle with the concept that maybe I have been in the dark even now. I have done so some nights, and my soul screams in agony at the very thought that maybe I have done everything wrong. I cry out, with the thought in mind that God doesn't even hear my sinful crys. Oh, how trapped I am in this cage of death. How lost I am in this world of darkness. Jesus Christ, you are my light. Until death I will follow you, and in my soul I will praise you. Give me courage, and truth. Meekness, and humility. Let me give my whole self unto you, and guide me through the dark waters of human suspicion. Heal me from false doctrine, and mend me to true unity. I am afraid I will yet be perfect until his coming. I want so eagerly to be what he wants me to be, but my struggles only drag me down. What lesson is this, he is teaching me? What will this trial produce in my soul? Surely he knows, and it is for good reason. I suggest to you, if you have read thus far, to consider that maybe he is teaching you truth. Maybe the truth is less finite, and concrete than we picture it. But whatever it is, he will surely deliver, for he is faithful. What I am is a man being taught. By an everlasting God, with infinite thought. How foolish of me, to ask him to teach me according to my understanding. Oh Jesus, teach us according to your wisdom. Don't listen to me, give your ear to the divine tongue. Not one of flesh, but of spirit.