Friendless College Student

Amanda Kamer

Amanda Kamer

Hello guys :) I thought I would post and ask for a little advice. I'm going into my last semester in college (hopefully graduating in May fingers crossed!) I'm seeking advice though because I would really like to make friends. I always say I don't have friends, and I would really like to change that. I also say that my younger years have turned me into quite the cynical being and I feel that whoever I meet does not have pure intentions. I say this because my previous 'best friends' are no longer 'best friends'. One decided a long distance relationship was more worth her time, and another wanted to put my feelings beneath her own. I feel like whoever I meet is not indeed a nice person.
I also struggle a bit with social anxiety and I'm always concerned about how others view me and how I come across. I am worried about doing the wrong thing or looking stupid in front of others, so I'm always the ?>quiet one in class sitting away from others. (You can see how the two conflict, right?)
I have prayed and asked God to send me a friend my way, someone I can spend time with studying or get close to. I truly miss having a 'girlfriend' whom I can chat away with.
Any ideas?
 
Amanda Kamer said:
Hello guys :) I thought I would post and ask for a little advice. I'm going into my last semester in college (hopefully graduating in May fingers crossed!) I'm seeking advice though because I would really like to make friends. I always say I don't have friends, and I would really like to change that. I also say that my younger years have turned me into quite the cynical being and I feel that whoever I meet does not have pure intentions. I say this because my previous 'best friends' are no longer 'best friends'. One decided a long distance relationship was more worth her time, and another wanted to put my feelings beneath her own. I feel like whoever I meet is not indeed a nice person.
I also struggle a bit with social anxiety and I'm always concerned about how others view me and how I come across. I am worried about doing the wrong thing or looking stupid in front of others, so I'm always the ?>quiet one in class sitting away from others. (You can see how the two conflict, right?)
I have prayed and asked God to send me a friend my way, someone I can spend time with studying or get close to. I truly miss having a 'girlfriend' whom I can chat away with.
Any ideas?
Click to expand...

Matt 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

Your focus is to make friends. The bible advises you to NOT try make friends. NOT to be mindful of that. Be mindful of serving God at campus. Helping that fornicator repent. Help that drug addict stop. Help the homeless and hungry in the area at a shelter on the weekend. THEN you will make friends and find your life. God will '''add'' friends to your life.
 
The basics are smile, ... listen, which might include not interrupting people when they speak, ask opened ended questions ... ask people about themselves, and tell people about yourself. That theoretically works for both men and women.

To have men friends add to the list, be noticed, get noticed. Noticed is not the important thing; it is the only thing.

My favorite story about how a woman managed to get noticed by her future husband is in A Man Called Peter by Catherine Marshall

http://www.amazon.com/Man-Called-Peter-Story-Marshall/dp/0800793110

My father and mother have known each other since high school. He says that before she stopped being hard to get :), he met women in elevators. Actually, he had a long list of ways to meet women, but in elevators or bus stops, or any place people randomly assembled, he asked questions like, "Was there a memo about this meeting?" or "Hi, I'm Rumple Stiltskin, and I didn't get the memo about this meeting." Sometimes when standing in line he began conversations with, "Have you seen the new five dollar bills with Benito Juarez?" "Yes, he was president during the Civil War." Actually, the Mexican Civil War. Or "Have you seen the ten dollar bill with Jose Maria Morelos." "Yes, he knew Francis Scott Key, and he is the José of José can you see." Morelos was a Mexican General During the Mexican Civil War. Napoleon said Morelos was worth ten French Generals.

My grandfather had a way to meet women, The Method. I'll see if I can remember or get him to tel me again.

The poster who suggested being at people places, church, school, gym, health club, political club (My grandparents met at the Westwood Republican Club), soup kitchen, ... any place where people go, had the right idea. I'm not old enough to go to bars, but my other grandparents met in a bar. They have the unhappiest relationship of all time, so I think bars are not a good place to meet.
 
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When I was in the seventh grade, my mother insisted that I find FIC's, friends in class. An FIC is a person who will have notes about what happened in class if for some reason I am not present in the classroom to know what happened. From this I learned another important lesson about friends.

To have friends, I need to be a friend. To have FIC's, I needed to be an FIC. Friends are people on whom I can depend. They will be available when I need them. They will follow through for me, and I in turn will follow through for them.
 
I had intended to say this in the previous posting, but Mom sent me on a thing. When she has a thing, it becomes my thing. It is sort of like we are friends, but we are not really friends. Friends are equals. Mom and I are not equals. She is in charge.

My Mom and Dad are friends of the best kind. They have fun together, and they can depend on each other. My Mom's parents have the same relationship. My Dad's parents had fun together until my Dad's mother realized that my Dad's father was a lot of fun, but he is also either Beavis or Butthead. I'm not sure which.

And that brings us to an important lesson about friends. Beavis and Butthead make summer soldiers and sunshine patriots, but not fowl weather friends.
 
As an older women, I will give you some advice that has worked for me my whole life. SMILE!! You have to make an effort. The first thing, would be move a little closer to the others in your class and just say, hi and smile. When we smile with our whole face, people respond in kind. Try it. You will see, a smile goes a long way to starting a friendship.
 
Coming from someone who's been in a long term long distance (lol) relationship, let me just tell you that sometimes it's really difficult to prioritize. Do we want friends? Of course! Do we want to be good friends to others? Yes! But... There's this huge thing about not just distance, but also huge time differences that makes it difficult to keep in touch with our other half (not to mention other day-to-day problems)... So perhaps try to give that friend of yours some props for trying before, because it's really hard..

Other than that, I was also in college for awhile and faced similar problems with the social scene due to anxieties.. But hey it's not gonna be bad for long, just try stepping out of your comfort zone once in awhile and see where that goes.. Join groups with activities/goals that you enjoy and it may bring about some unexpected friendships. :)
 
Amanda Kamer said:
Hello guys :) I thought I would post and ask for a little advice. I'm going into my last semester in college (hopefully graduating in May fingers crossed!) I'm seeking advice though because I would really like to make friends. I always say I don't have friends, and I would really like to change that. I also say that my younger years have turned me into quite the cynical being and I feel that whoever I meet does not have pure intentions. I say this because my previous 'best friends' are no longer 'best friends'. One decided a long distance relationship was more worth her time, and another wanted to put my feelings beneath her own. I feel like whoever I meet is not indeed a nice person.
I also struggle a bit with social anxiety and I'm always concerned about how others view me and how I come across. I am worried about doing the wrong thing or looking stupid in front of others, so I'm always the ?>quiet one in class sitting away from others. (You can see how the two conflict, right?)
I have prayed and asked God to send me a friend my way, someone I can spend time with studying or get close to. I truly miss having a 'girlfriend' whom I can chat away with.
Any ideas?
Click to expand...


This is so me, when i was on campus I was always bymyself...

but like another user said.. we have to make an effort, smiling does have positive effects..no one wants to come near anyone thats mean muggin' lol

and as a shy person myself, I know how hard it can be to push yourself out of your comfort zone..but

nothing valuable comes w/o effort...

no pain no gain ^^
 
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