It would be best for you to find out what the Bible says for yourself. It's easy to be moved from our faith if there is no foundation we are standing on.
If you have made Jesus Lord, and confessed him with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and died to take away that punishment you deserved then you are saved and not going to Hell.
That means despite what you do, or sins you make, your covered by the precious blood of the lamb, our Lord Jesus.
So be encouraged in that, but get in your bible and start building your foundation so that you can't be moved from it and have doubt or fear again. I would also suggest getting in Church and hanging out with other believers that encourage you.
...God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them... And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God....Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.
This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
I am the way, the truth and the life.
Love Jesus the Christ-Son of the Living God
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. But God commandeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
God is not dumb. He knows our hearts well. Hell is simply a place to put those who reject Him. They can't exactly be in heaven with those that love Him can they? We either love sin or we hate it Rom 12:9 and Matt 6:24.
As Mike noted, you need to ask questions, there are many here willing to help you .
I feel for you dude. I'm also a man who is riven by doubt and guilt.
The Bible seems to say that if you accept the gift of grace that covers your sins from Jesus, you are saved. Some believe that baptism is also a prerequisite. I believe that you also must repent of your sins and allow God to move your heart where He wills.
Prayer is one of your most powerful weapons against the powers of darkness. Some people kneel, close their eyes, and speak to God. The Bible says that God knows your every thought, so I simply talk to God in my head, knowing that He hears my thoughts. Each person seems to have their own way to do it. I like to do it in my head because it allows me the freedom to pray during any time or situation during each day. It also allows me to repent anytime that I blow it, even if I'm engaged in a conversation with someone, or busy with a task.
One of the things that gives me the most comfort is praying to God, and asking Him to guide my heart and mind, and give me the strength and the clarity of mind and conscience to do what He wills for my life. I don't feel quite so guilty about my honest mistakes when I'm asking God for guidance.
By the way, I think that it takes a real man to admit that he cries. I applaud your courage and your humility.
Feel free to message me anytime if you feel like talking, and I'll be praying for you, brother.
Ender, the best place to start, in my opinion, is to visit a local Church and speak with a pastor. You can do this any day of the week (Sunday is a bad day to visit them, they are quite busy) and in my experience they will sit down with you and discuss your ideas. I personally like Protestant churches such as Lutherans, Pentecostals, ect. If you have a "New Life" or a "Assembly of God" church, they seem to me to be very open minded, considerate and helpful. Very non-judgemental. You're not expected to come in 'a believer' or ready to 'confess your sins' and be dunked in water. But you will find someone willing to explain their own experience, trials, and let you ask questions that they'll answer truthfully and without judgement or criticism. The worst you'll experience is a jerk who leaves you feeling put off by Christianity but no worse for wear and the best you'll find is a spiritually fulfilling experience that absorbs your entire being. The most likely scenario is you go home with all your questions answered, a few new ones, and maybe a Bible.
We are beings that were created with a need for unconditional all accepting love. The problem is that none of us can give this kind of love that we so desperately need because all of our love is conditional in some way. The only one who could give this love we need is the Messiah.
When we forgive, someone pays the debt. And forgiving requires suffering. If someone breaks a lamp in someone's home, the owner of that lamp can say: I forgive you, I will replace the lamp. If he does, he suffers the debt, he goes without light in that part of the home. Or he can force the other man to pay the debt, somebody will always pay the debt. If we refuse to forgive, we are forcing the other to suffer for his action, we can sometimes even take pleasure in seeing the other pay the debt but if we do this, we are not really forgiving.
This is exactly what the Messiah did for you and for me, He paid our debt. And if we read the accounts of Messiah's death it tells us that He was silent. What we don't have in this example is Jesus manning up and being a tough willed person, what Messiah showed to us is that He completely forgives us and gave us His all accepting, unconditional love in order so that we could become the beings he created us to become. Our problem is that we are so prideful that we are not willing to give up anything for others. The most valuable gift I ever received was not a sinless holy life (the more I try not to sin the more sin I do) but it is the desire to forgive others that don't want forgiveness. And that is all of us. Jesus prayed "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". We need to take that example of God's unconditional love for us and begin to learn how to give that love to others - Father forgive others for they know not what they do. What are you and I willing to place upon the altar? We need to yield ourselves upon the altar by being humble and forgiving others as Christ forgave us. If we do this, we can experience true joy and true peace and we can learn to give each other that kind of unconditional love even if its in just a small way. And as we grow we will learn to become servants of the Most High God.