Thank you FC Jim. Yes I perceived my self that way too. I need to grow in faith. My faith can't just the way it used to be. I feel that all I can do right now is just trust Him. He's not answering is for a reason. I watched video from Michael Chriswell "Trusting God in the Storm" and "When God is Silent" His adversity is much much worse than mine. I learned that God helps us in many ways that sometime we cannot think of. I have no choice but to trust Him. Like you said crying and throw tantrums won't do anything.
Blessings... keep up the good work of trusting in God no matter how your body is reacting.