Help Me Out Please

it is quite complex to understand me i wouldnt be surprised if i didnt get my question across, im very confused and i cannot possibly write in a clear manned all of what im feeling right now, i am in love with a girl and the situation is complex i have this attitude that is very negative and i know someone who id like to be like hes one of my friends but hes just so happy and has confidence in everything he seems to not need god at all i dont think he prays much since he does says words like "damn" often, i used to say them alot too but i try to not do it since i really dont know and am very confused since i wish i was him i wish i had gotten that girl he got which is the girl i am in love with, it hurts much and their both virgins but im sure hes gonna want it and she might just give it to him, it makes me sad to know they enjoy life so much while im here wandering what life is and what im here for, i believe in god alot but lately alot of things like this have been putting me down, ive considered killing myself many times, specially at night when i close my eyes and see them both together partying and having fun enjoying sex and being young, its dificult for me because i doubt god existence but i deny to him not existing i refuse to think life is nothing but an accident, theres a comet coming on novemver its name its ison, im big on space i like the world and thinking what its about (i think alot) i think i will do it when ison comes i want to go to a mountain (i live a few miles from them) climb it and just chill there talking to the big guy, telling him my sorrows and asking for some sign, i just wanna die there i will wait for m life to deplete as i watch over the city and listen to my music and enjoy of something ive never done before, as i watch ison,i dont get what he sees in me millions of eggs could have gotten my life in my place and i had to come out, me a piece of crap who doesnt know anything and is sensitive, i wish i was like my friend tough and just different i wish i had friends and confidence in me, sometimes i wander why the world cant be like "tomorrowland" everyone loving each other and filled up with uplifting music and dance all around yes most of them might be o ecstsy but at least the dopamine is at work not like in my miserable brain, all i have is a connection with my dreams and he stars and some stupid faith and doubt in something i dont know what to believe in anyymore.
I want to help you find your heart again, but i don't think i could accomplish this in a simple reply to this thread. I'll personal message you, and we can start small. Having background is great. But there is so much i could say because of all that you said. Don't lose hope.
You remind me very much of myself at that age....

I idolized the female body and let my imagination rule me (still have problems with it to this day).

I spent a lot of years messing up my life; then I got saved when I was 30. Did a whole lot of backsliding after that because I had no biblical guidance. Now I am reaping what I have sown.

If I had followed God's instruction book at your age-I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now...
You remind me very much of myself at that age....

I idolized the female body and let my imagination rule me (still have problems with it to this day).

I spent a lot of years messing up my life; then I got saved when I was 30. Did a whole lot of backsliding after that because I had no biblical guidance. Now I am reaping what I have sown.

If I had followed God's instruction book at your age-I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now...
God can turn one man's heart around in an instant. He has no limitations.
Suicide is sinful. You really want to go to hell because of a girl? Growing up is tough, being a christian doesn't make it any easier, but keep in mind you will harvest the benefits in the long run. I'll pray for you.
It's not that I want to go to hell, I'm just, the way I think differs I see life and I see unknown mysteries, I look at the many possibilities and sometimes I get stuck there, it's not just the girl that I want to die for there's underlying factors, I'm 18 I already have problems I'm wired incorrectly this dude don't even seems sensitive I wish I would've been like that cold and tough thinking bottling up my emotions will make me tougher, and it does since I barely even know his heart he's quite closed to that kind of stuff, well with guys he is idk with girls. I idolize girls yes but I'm afraid I'm living a lie I'm scared kids are living life getting laid while I'm over here on top of a mountain not knowing weather religion is truth or not wandering weather we are a part of religion or religion is a part of us understanding an trying to comprehend what side of the world what side of nature is the one lying after our death, the world it's a contradiction to me every scenario has some contradictory properties and it's killing me, are the mountains good or bad? Their good for us but for the earths surface it's an imperfection to wha could've been a flattened land.
hes just so happy and has confidence

Most likely what you meant by happy is that he is funny

I learned this back in college, i was a geek then in high-school, i have no car, big muscular arms, but i have this good sense of humor : )

Women are attracted to men with that show self-confidence: it maybe be a car, big muscular arm…. or sense of humor =happy, being funny…

Note: it is not about the car, or the arm, of being happy = it is more on the image of self-confidence..

Why sense of humor:
· Sense of humor is more on accepting, even laughing at one being human: slips, mistakes
· Everybody will laugh because everyone can relate: since everyone have slips and mistakes as well.
· This can depict self-confidence: accepting of one’s shortcoming and yet continue to move on
· Although it can depict poor self-confidence as well if the sense of humor involves humiliating someone.

Why girls are attracted to a man with self-confidence?

I don’t know.
I can only guess,,, this may need scientific basis, but it makes sense to me : )

It may be related to survival instinct…

A man has to have self-confidence enough know how to hunt for food, protect his family, provide food shelter and clothing…

In the same manner that a man is looking at the hips, breasts: it is more on the reproductive ability of the woman…

So, how one can have confidence?

Get a new self-confident haircut, cars? big arms, or be funny?
These are only images of confidence, one can fake it…

Get the real confidence.

Proverbs 14:26
In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
Last edited:
I don't get why I'm like this I have gains more confidence I been working out I'm gaing in muscle, although I am jealous of his physique even though he's a bit fatter than me it's cuz he plays football so he holds more mass, I just don't get why I had to be me why it is that god chose me to live he can chose anyone else and he choses me, he lets this other dude be happy without him just because he has self confidence and more aesthetics than me, I just can't stand the thought of him making her happy while pounding her it makes me rage with anger and saddens me because he is my friend and I should be happy for him but I kind of envy him abit for having friends and all having a better life than me and living life. I'm just not funny I'm a serious person I might laugh at stuff but I'm not a typical joker or anything like that I'm just quiet and mysterious and I hate my personality I have weird dreams I love music it makes me happy i can see music in my dreams I'm quite imaginative I see falling stars while in my dreams and constellations that break apart into fireworks my subconcious provides, but what good is that if I can't be like him, my brain was wired incorrectly his is done he wouldn't kill himself because he is stronger I'm just different and I hate it I don't get what gods purpose of such things are
Do you attend a church, with a pastor you can approach, read the bible ?

I mean, being young, one needs guidance, spiritual guidance … for “Man does not live by bread alone”……
I don't attend regularly I go by myself when there is no one I chill there I talk to him and try to listen and tune up with what he has to say but I never get anything so i just go to sleep, two nights ago I was worse and I went so I talked to him and I cried and begged for some guidance but as always I didn't hear much when I was about to leave I sat down again and somehow I started talking to myself but I doubt it was him I thought it was until I said "I miss you" to myself during that long sentence in which I thought he was being the one talking then I thought it wa just me since I don't think he would ever say he misses me then I got up all ready to leave and the church was locked all doors were, I actually spend the night there I do read the bible sometimes but I'm confused on it I have many questions that need a definite answer and I doubt the definition comes from anything resembling humans I need him bad to tell me somehow in a way I will inderstand