How Do You Not Give Up ? :(

autumn oddity

autumn oddity

Okay, my church is having a 1 year anniversary on the 14th of February, and we all have to fill our role in the church b/c there are gonna be people coming ect. a guest speaker things like that.. any my role is to pray (opening prayer,closing..ect.) since im the intercessor and stuff ...and I just don,t want to,like, ruin it or have someone replace me b/c I can,t get myself together and do what I'm called to do , I'm good at praying and memorizing prayers.... It,s just I really feel the thorns are choking me right now..

Like...I struggle w/ jealous..its getting better but its still hard, I compare myself to others alot.. And right now my brother is the one im looking at...Its kinda hard to be jealous of my brother b/c he's so funny and kind..and I love him , he has a wonderful personality its just we serve in the same church and..well he does more.. his position is higher than mine. He preaches... I pray..and we both live at home w/ my mom and we both don,t drive yet... So like when sunday rolls around.. only one of us can go (b/c my parents work... and we have a 6 yr old brother to watch) and its almost always him, b/c he's my aunt's armor bearer (she's the pastor of the church) and it makes me feel like my job isn't important.. b/c it,s like he HAS to be there b/c he's the armor bear ..but for me if Im not there they get someone else to pray in my place..and it makes me feel like my ministry or whatever isn,t that important (please don,t tell me it is b/c I know full well that some have ministries that are more important and they are in a higher position.. I know I shouldn,t take it personally but.. I just do..b/c Im the one in the low position ...huuu)

And today... (well im just gonna update you {my aunt has been having seizures not too long ago, I think they started last sunday.. and she has absolutely no history of epilepsy and what not, and she been to doctors and they cant figure out whats wrong w/ her ..and IMO im sure its just the devil attacking her, I know it is, b/c the celebration is coming soon and when I was talking to her she was saying that the devil is attacking her b/c if he strikes the shepard the sheep will scatter and saying we have to be strong and what not.............. andshe went to the Lord about her sickness.. and was lead to James 5;14.. where it said if there are anysick among you
let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:... and the Lord gave her a vision of us (me and my brothers..my cousin and their cousins * we are the church*) ... and I was excited when she told me, but after talking to her, she said that we have authority over her body ect... and she said that we'd lay our hands on her according to our postions like one would lay their hands on her heart,another her upper back, my brother her legs..and me her feet :( ...yah.. at first I tried not to let it bother me ..but it did... I just hate that I have a low position b/c it makes me feel useless and unimportant..that if I were to fall off i'd be so easily replaceable.. and I feel that those that have a really special ..*Important * job to do, God gives em the gift of faith or obedience (which my brother happens to have >____>) to make sure he doesnt waste his grace .... b/c what he has them doing is to important for them to flub up on.. so they get faith.. and someone like me whose job isnt important or wont touch many lives ..I have to struggle it seems b/c if i do fail..im replaceable (idk that how it feels to me : / yah get what i mean)


And today everyone went to visit oour pastor in the hospital... and ofcourse my brother was able to go, he used the bus..and both my parents were working so Im home w/ my 6 yr old brother... and we were all supposed to be there so we could heal her/lay hands on her... if she does get healed ill be happy b/c she's better but feel sad b/c i wasn,t needed. : / idk its so hard not to quit b/c my position isnt..much, i dont have faith like my brothers..obedience comes naturally to them b/c one has the gift of faith the other his strength is obedience (if ur wondering I have 3 brothers XD the only girl..) .. ,I struggle with God and swing from hating him to loving him, ..( and when I am mad at him (I just keep thinking It woulndt be this way if he made me more like them..or if he just made every1 like John the baptist..duh lol) and Im just not strong at all.. I just dont have that endurance my brother has that helps him go head first through every problem, I stop and go.. my brother never stopped..never gave up on God and never blamed him.. even God said through my aunt he was like david a man after his own heart.... huuu... and im not even getting flack for being a christian /identifying w/ Him and Im just ready to give up... Idk this life seems like its only for those that are strong..and I am not.. Im too weak and insecure.. I just feel like I cant do it ... it seems easier to just take care of my natural life and be concerned w/ getting into college ,studying for the compass...driving ec.t... at least this seems possible ..the latter (being a strong,faithful,and faith -filled christian) seems like only somthing that can happen in my dreams...

** Im sorry this was so long, I had alot to get off ,I rarely tell anyone how i feel when concerning my spiritual life, not my brothers b/c theyre filled w/ faith and they really do not understand ..lol when I did somtimes they look like *why aren't you getting this, its so simple(yah b/c they have the gift of faith i DONT* and my parents aren,t saved... and I really dont feel like talking to the other pll in my congregationg, theyre sweet but... no. idk its so frustrating I sometimes feel resorted to cutting, but *I dont* 1) b/c it leaves hideous scares and 2) develops to an addiction........ idk i want to fulfill my intercessory uties on the 14th... but idk ...alot of times I want to stop .. pls help.... (Oh and I did go to God first and ofcourse i heard nothing :/) so some advice would be nice.
 
God left this note for you:

...God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them... And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.


Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God....Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.But he that doeth truth cometh to the light, that his deeds may be made manifest, that they are wrought in God.

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

I am the way, the truth and the life.

Love
Jesus the Christ-Son of the Living God


The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
But God commandeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

With Love,
Paul-Apostle to the Gentiles
 
There's a lot to respond to here, not the least is how your church operates, but I'm not going to get into that. What I want to focus on is your perception of ranking and importance, etc. Intercessory prayer is one of the most important, most powerful instruments in the Church's "arsenal." This is where the battle in the spiritual realm takes place. Your church may not value the "position" of intercessor very much, but that doesn't much matter. Intercession is not a "position", it is an activity which any church neglects at its peril. The good news is that intercession is not dependent on time, place, title, or function. You can intercede in prayer from home just as well as you can in the church building - perhaps even more effectively. God hears you and responds to you just as much when you are home or anywhere else as He does when you are in a church building. His hearing you is also not dependent on recognition or appreciation by others. In the grand scheme of things, it is of little importance whether you are able and given the opportunity to offer a formal prayer during a special service. Your day to day intercession is what matters in the eyes of God.

If you are usually "stuck" at home with your 6 year old brother, it is possible that the others ought to feel guilty for neglecting your brother. In any case, taking care of your brother is also a valuable thing in the eyes of God. Do not feel, or allow others to make you feel, as if this is somehow a less honorable thing. You don't know what your faithfulness in this may result in one day. A lot of things happen in people's minds, lives, and in the spiritual realm that we don't see until many years later. Realize that at these times you have opportunity to do much good in your brother's life.

Your jealousy of your brothers and others is rooted in man's way of looking at things, what man thinks is important and honorable. Realize that God looks at things quite differently, and it is He Who will ultimately give you what reward and honor are due you in eternity, and He will do so according to how He sees things. Be faithful in what God has given you to do. He knows best how to use a faithful servant. When we look at buildings, we rarely pay attention to the foundation. We look at the walls and the windows. Inside, we rarely go into the basement to "ooh" and "aah" over the concrete floor and walls. But without those cold, gray, slabs of concrete and cinder block, the house would cave in. The floor would rot and the entire frame would twist and heave with movement of the soil as moisture content and temperatures fluctuate. So, maybe what God has given to you to do isn't much to look at, but that doesn't mean it isn't vitally important in His Kingdom.

I could go on about some other things, but I think this is enough to chew on for a while.
 
Thanks Rumely, this really helped... well I did end up missing out on healing my aunt/pastor ..I took it pretty hard b/c I had a really good prayer stored w/in me to use... but what made me feel better was realizing that...there will be more people who will need that prayer... and I still have the 14th as another chance... But anywho, the lord told my aunt that since most of us are grown, im 21... we have to make our own way and that I can,t use my brother as an excuse... I have to basically do what God wants me to do... and let my parents take care of Him....she also said I have to push as well....... past stuff and make my own way.. I think this is ...I know this is the way Im being tested.... still thanks for your help :) .. Idk today really upset me ..idk im just going to try to do my part ,atleast if i know I tried then...if I can,t make it the next time..I won.t feel too bad..
 
pancakes said:
Thanks Rumely, this really helped... well I did end up missing out on healing my aunt/pastor ..I took it pretty hard b/c I had a really good prayer stored w/in me to use... but what made me feel better was realizing that...there will be more people who will need that prayer... and I still have the 14th as another chance... But anywho, the lord told my aunt that since most of us are grown, im 21... we have to make our own way and that I can,t use my brother as an excuse... I have to basically do what God wants me to do... and let my parents take care of Him....she also said I have to push as well....... past stuff and make my own way.. I think this is ...I know this is the way Im being tested.... still thanks for your help :) .. Idk today really upset me ..idk im just going to try to do my part ,atleast if i know I tried then...if I can,t make it the next time..I won.t feel too bad..
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A thing that I have learned in my walk with God is this: It doesn't matter how amazing your prayer is. It doesn't. That's not what prayer is all about. Prayer is to the Father. Sure, you may have had some nice words and a really awesome meaning and I'm not saying you still can't pray that. But...that's not what prayer is about. Get back to what prayer is about. It's to the Father. Even a prayer that may seem poorly done to others, is amazing to the Father. I know that there have been times where I don't even know what to pray for and just cry out, "Help me." And God rejoices. Prayer's are not about fancy words, but it's about the expressions of your heart to the Father.

(please don,t tell me it is b/c I know full well that some have ministries that are more important and they are in a higher position.. I know I shouldn,t take it personally but.. I just do..b/c Im the one in the low position ...huuu)
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I'm sorry that you feel that way. Yes, every ministry is different. But it all serves the SAME purpose, and that's serving God. Your ministry is HUGE to the kingdom of God. Ministry is to ADVANCE the kingdom of God. That's IT. If I compared my ministry to others, I would say, "My ministry is SMALL." But...that's not the case. Are you doing your ministry in order to get applause from people, to get noticed? Or are you doing it to share God with people?If you are doing your ministry to get noticed, then I encourage you to even pray for a change of heart. Because I'm going to tell you this--ministry isn't about that. It's just not. And honestly, you don't get the reactions you hope to receive while ministering.

I know how you feel when you compare your ministry to others. I used to do it, too. But, that's not the heart of ministry. Your ministry is from God. It's not you doing the ministry, but it's God doing ministry THROUGH you. You're simply a tool. And isn't that awesome that he uses YOU to be a tool? That's pretty sweet, if you ask me. He'll ask SINNERS to minister to OTHER sinners.

Don't compare your ministry to your brother. Easier said than done, right? But you and your brother are two different people, and therefore, will have two different ministries. Your ministry is still important. Just because it's not the same as your brothers does NOT make it less important. Don't base your feelings as FACTS. Because your feelings do not portray facts many times. You may FEEL that your ministry is not important, but that's not a FACT. Does that make sense? Satan WANTS to tell you your ministry is different because he doesn't WANT you to minister. So he will do anything in his power to tell you otherwise.

You are great. You truly, truly are <3
 
pancakes said:
no its waddle dee gotta step up your game son . > :D lolzs

anywho I dont feel this way anymore but I need help w/ my R-ship w/ God
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Hey girl!

We all go through tough times in our relationship with God. We all have been there,. But it's nice to know that He never changes, even though we change. It's tough in our relationship with God because we change or we get lazy in our walk with God or other things. But it's never God's fault that it's a hard relationship. It's us, we are the ones that makes it more difficult at times.

But sometimes, we just go through dry seasons with God. And what are we going to do about that? Are we going to do the easy thing and give up? Or are we going to take the hard road and fight for God? A song that really helped me in my dry season was "Come Down" by Interface. A bunch of us did a drama to it, and ever since then, it's been one of my favorites. One of the lines is this: "I will not stop, I will press on, I will fight for You my King."

The only person that can make an effort is you. We can tell you time after time what you must do, but it ultimately comes down to you. I'm speaking this out of experience. It wasn't until I made a choice to dedicate my life was when I finally started to be transformed.

When you don't feel like hanging out with God, then you must hang out with God.
You have to make a choice to fully follow God, not half-heartedly.

He draws close to you, but it's up to you to draw close to Him as well. If you draw close to Him, He will draw near to you.
 
@ Pancakes, may the lord bless you. Try to move away from Jealousy towards your bother not a good feeling for you. Eliminate jealousy from your mind!

As for seizures = devils after experience seizures myself i believe it 150%. (5 all up and counting 4 of them i call mini fits compared to one nasty one i had). Probably more fits to go the creeps dont want to leave! Thats why i come here to be with other christians i know they hate it when we speak about God. :)

Hope i haven't scared anyone :unsure:
 
I don't know if this helps; I know you made a few post about Creation-v-Evolution-so I thought that there may be some issues there. I struggled a long while with that issue. I came to realize that our God -THE God of the universe has not and does not change-sometimes the Bible can seem like it has become 'irrelevant' or contradictory-but the great thing about God's Word is that there are multiply layers of life woven into it.

I came to realize I had to make a decision about my faith and how I operate that faith in the world. Yes there are plenty of "religions" out there too choose from along with many other 'gods'. But give this serious consideration: what other figure-what other 'god' or faith TEACHES that you can have a guaranteed/ reserved spot with the Creator for eternity without having to 'work' for it? Our God asks for our hearts-our faith in Him-not the world and the ever-growing 'greyness' that we are encompassed by. He wants us to believe Him. Yes; that requires giving up the one thing on this Earth we can truly claim as our own-that is our "self".

You can follow other things, most people follow what they are comfortable with-what makes their 'self' happy. Following Christ in this world is uncomfortable-it is alien to our personal spirit. But is a little discomfort in this life worth the joy of peace in eternity? I think so-I know so, we are here 'but a little while.'

The promise of peace is our Hope in Christ: to be a bit unbiblical- purely speculating mind you: can you imagine taking a course on planet creation from the God who made them? Could be just my imagination-but the God who loves and teaches most assuredly wouldn't stop when we get to eternity. We are in the field-waiting for harvest, can you imagine what it will be like to be picked, cleaned and placed at the Master's table? We haven't even made it off the stalk yet!

The promise of a new body-cleansed mind, new Earth and the list goes on. No more war, no more gender or race discrimination, no more hate. These are the promises to live for. God asks for our hearts-our allegiance to good-to do right, to understand that freedom is not just a choice-but an honor. All blessings, including Heaven, require a sacrifice. In the case of salvation that sacrifice is our 'self'.

Don't follow "Christianity" follow our God and His plan through His Son Jesus Christ. Live the mystery of God; 'the half has not yet been told.'
 
.Thanks for your response, but I have heard that many times before. Your only doing and saying what you think is right. But can you consider that I should leave my faith. Why cant that be an option if god loves me and my freedom to choose.

If god is real then pretending to follow him if I dont want to is usless. Its best to be honest even if I am against god.
 
Hmmmm...yes of course you always have the choice, but I can't in all good conscious say that going against God's word at any level is a good idea or will lead to a happily ever after. My assumption would be that you are toying with the notion that there is nothing after this life-and eternity will not exist for you. Unfortunately that is a dangerous road to trek.

Do you understand the fundamentals of the Gospel-has it been presented to you in way that makes sense? You understand that Grace through Christ is our only eternal salvation according to the Bible-not human works? There is nothing WE can do to get into Heaven-the Work is already done. The gift is presented to us, all we have to do is accept it...

If you are familiar with the Bible there are several passages that would pertain to you/ a person in your situation/ about the rejection of the Word. None of them are in a positive light...

You can't make God conform to your feelings-we conform to the Word.
 
I get the feeling and idea that you think I am missing gaps in my understanding of the gospel. But this is a common miss belief amoung thoes who try proselytising to other lost sheep. The fact is usually the other way around. Also I can not claim what I believe in now and maybe I never will.
 
xspinningisfun said:
Hey girl!

We all go through tough times in our relationship with God. We all have been there,. But it's nice to know that He never changes, even though we change. It's tough in our relationship with God because we change or we get lazy in our walk with God or other things. But it's never God's fault that it's a hard relationship. It's us, we are the ones that makes it more difficult at times.

But sometimes, we just go through dry seasons with God. And what are we going to do about that? Are we going to do the easy thing and give up? Or are we going to take the hard road and fight for God? A song that really helped me in my dry season was "Come Down" by Interface. A bunch of us did a drama to it, and ever since then, it's been one of my favorites. One of the lines is this: "I will not stop, I will press on, I will fight for You my King."

The only person that can make an effort is you. We can tell you time after time what you must do, but it ultimately comes down to you. I'm speaking this out of experience. It wasn't until I made a choice to dedicate my life was when I finally started to be transformed.

When you don't feel like hanging out with God, then you must hang out with God.
You have to make a choice to fully follow God, not half-heartedly.

He draws close to you, but it's up to you to draw close to Him as well. If you draw close to Him, He will draw near to you.
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I know, w hat you said is true, I think dying to myself will be the hardest thing I EVER did.. Tbh worse than death itself lol... BC even now um frustrated and angry BC I have to give God all control and I can't do what I want.. This is tough.
 
pancakes said:
I know, w hat you said is true, I think dying to myself will be the hardest thing I EVER did.. Tbh worse than death itself lol... BC even now um frustrated and angry BC I have to give God all control and I can't do what I want.. This is tough.
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I remember myself saying exactly what you are saying right now.
 
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