Hello! Just as a fair warning this will be sort of a confession for me. Long story short, I'm almost 21 and in college, I come from an interfaith Christian family (my mother is from an interfaith Roman Catholic and Southern Baptist family and my father is from a Methodist family). I say I want to "announce" myself as a Christian because 1) I have not always accepted the Christian faith and 2) I don't want people to think that I can't hold my word (I'll explain).
1) I have not always accepted the Christian faith (my testimony):
My journey to Christianity has been a decade's long journey. I was always taught just to believe in God. However, I found myself questioning this: I began as a deist, then a holder of the Catholic faith, then onto Agnosticism and Atheism and then onward to Judaism. As I was preparing for my conversion to Judaism (I did not convert), I realized that my motives were not "pure," as in, it wasn't because of my beliefs that I was going to convert, it was because I wanted to feel accepted by somebody, any body really, and then I found that I could find that at home, with my family. It was only then when I was able to truly see and accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior and as the beautiful and divine Leader who brought me "home," who never gave up on me, who -- even as I left Him in the dark -- never left me. I am forever grateful for Him, for His Love and everlasting Kindness. However, I still have a major problem.
2) I don't want people to think that I can't hold my word (my confession):
As a child (teenage years and back), I was and always have been in, my opinion, a good person. I never rebelled (I have never wanted to) and when my eldest sister became sick, I helped take care of her. However, having said that, I had one major downfall -- I was a liar. I didn't lie to cover up bad deeds or anything; I would lie because in truth, I was lonely. I didn't have many friends so when my parents would ask me something (regarding friends) I would make up friends (to me they were lies; to my parents, they were real people; my parents didn't know that these "friends" didn't exist). I would also do this with classmates at school, too. So a few years ago when I was going to begin my conversion to Judaism and people would ask me why, to use as a weightier reason, I said it's because my father is Jewish (he isn't, that's a horrible lie -- I should not take other's faiths lightly and I am sorry for this). I only said this so that I would have a better reason at the time to convert other than "it was what I was compelled to do." I felt that I need to justify myself with this lie and it only my fault for the reason why I am to suffer now.
Now, I feel as if I am truly called home with studying as a Christian, I've felt like this for a while. I know that I must confess to the people that I lied to, but I am afraid. They are my only friends after all. Any advice on the best way to confess? It is something that I must do.
Thank you.
1) I have not always accepted the Christian faith (my testimony):
My journey to Christianity has been a decade's long journey. I was always taught just to believe in God. However, I found myself questioning this: I began as a deist, then a holder of the Catholic faith, then onto Agnosticism and Atheism and then onward to Judaism. As I was preparing for my conversion to Judaism (I did not convert), I realized that my motives were not "pure," as in, it wasn't because of my beliefs that I was going to convert, it was because I wanted to feel accepted by somebody, any body really, and then I found that I could find that at home, with my family. It was only then when I was able to truly see and accept the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior and as the beautiful and divine Leader who brought me "home," who never gave up on me, who -- even as I left Him in the dark -- never left me. I am forever grateful for Him, for His Love and everlasting Kindness. However, I still have a major problem.
2) I don't want people to think that I can't hold my word (my confession):
As a child (teenage years and back), I was and always have been in, my opinion, a good person. I never rebelled (I have never wanted to) and when my eldest sister became sick, I helped take care of her. However, having said that, I had one major downfall -- I was a liar. I didn't lie to cover up bad deeds or anything; I would lie because in truth, I was lonely. I didn't have many friends so when my parents would ask me something (regarding friends) I would make up friends (to me they were lies; to my parents, they were real people; my parents didn't know that these "friends" didn't exist). I would also do this with classmates at school, too. So a few years ago when I was going to begin my conversion to Judaism and people would ask me why, to use as a weightier reason, I said it's because my father is Jewish (he isn't, that's a horrible lie -- I should not take other's faiths lightly and I am sorry for this). I only said this so that I would have a better reason at the time to convert other than "it was what I was compelled to do." I felt that I need to justify myself with this lie and it only my fault for the reason why I am to suffer now.
Now, I feel as if I am truly called home with studying as a Christian, I've felt like this for a while. I know that I must confess to the people that I lied to, but I am afraid. They are my only friends after all. Any advice on the best way to confess? It is something that I must do.
Thank you.