How to help this friend?

How to help this friend?

I know I have posted about this friend alot but I dont think anyone else is doing anything for him. I have reason to believe he may have a drink problem, a bad one. If I cut contact hes only going to continue, except with less christian influence. He refuses completely to talk to a pastor or anybody else in church or to come anywhere near the place. He was talking to me about missions a few nights ago and how hed love to get out there and help people but when I sent him some links to websites of organisations involved in missions work (partly because I got the impression he was offended by his own thought that christians seem to spend too much time praying and studying the bible in his opinion and not enough helping people) he complained that that wasnt 'cool' of me to do that and never wants me to bring up this or God or faith ever again. He once asked me why I had been at his house watching him from the trees but I have no idea where he lives so thats impossible. Ive come across him smelling of alcohol in mid-afternoon before. Theres pretty worrying photos on a social networking site of him looking worse than drunk even, and im not sure how many photos of him up there are actualy of him sober even. He might or might not believe in God, but if he does he seems to think God just sits there and lets us do the work down here or something and that the bible is just there to pick and choose what you want to believe from and only meant as you want it to be meant, he doesnt seem to believe that God can and does move down here at all. Hes also completely denying things that happened between us that others can confirm, he says he has no recollection of them but some years back he did remember and I know that there was no alcohol available at the time and places of these events so im worried about that is it possible hes just a pathological liar or should I be worried about myself?

Can anyone give me the words to say to him? He will be gone from the country soon. I already tried cutting it off with him and telling him to talk to the pastor, giving the number etc, but he ended up back in contact with me refusing to speak to the pastor or have anything to do with church. I have no idea what to do here, but I dont think anyone else is going to do anything. I cant stay away from him when he needs help, no matter how bad it gets.:(


Honestly and in my experience you cannot help this type of person until they are ready to be helped. Some folks refuse to look up until they hit absolute bottom.
There is one very powerful thing you can do though-
you can pray for him.
Many blessings in His Name,
brother Larry.
It sounds to me as though your friend is slipping into a psychotic condition and urgently needs professional help NOW.

I would suggest you go to see a local doctor or hospital, explain what he is doing (and particularly the paranoid aspects such as thinking you are spying on him) and ask what resources are available in your community to deal with such situations.

Do not try to reason logically with him - in his present state he is not rational. At the same time do not suggest that he is "crazy" or such, as this will only antagonize him further. Listen non-judgmentally but do not enter into any of his delusions (eg, don't say something like "I'm sorry I spied on you, I won't do it again.") Affirm to him that help is available, and encourage him to seek it.

I have just completed a Mental Health First Aid Course, which was excellent training and I recommend it to anyone. There is info at MHFA - Mental Health First Aid - this is an Aussie site, but the course is available world wide. There is also a CD ROM version of the course available on the site.

Let me stress as strongly as possible, this is a critical situation and your friend needs professional help now.

I'll be praying for you,


In my experience with alchoholics and drug dependants, I have found it better to support them where ever and when ever I can and to pray for them. Nothing you will say or do will help untill they have come to the point where they actually acknowledge that they need help and this only happens when they hit the bottom of the pit. One must also be very straight, honest and forward with this persons - IN LOVE! You cannot afford to pat them on their backs with the attitude of "the Lord understands" but also you can never but never be judgemental towards them - then you are going to ruin them even further.

You need to find out what the root of the problem is. Cutting of the branches or even the tree won't help. The roots is where the problem lies. In most cases persons with a drug related dependency has a huge lack of confidence, self esteem/worth, are totally undisciplined and does not complete tasks or projects let alone begin with it. But this is only symptoms of the deeper lying problem.

Reading through your post, I come to the conclusion that this friend was involved in the work of the Lord at some stage or wanted to be involved in or with a group and was disappointed by something/some one and maybe because of his inadequacy/lack of knowledge, he felt rejected etc.

One of the things I feel strongly about is proper follow up and discipleship of persons that
came to repentance. I get so many of them sitting alongside the roads of Christianity, totally wasted, ruined, on the brink of giving up just because there wasn't any proper follow up and discipleship taking place. Our commission is NOT TO MAKE CONVERTS but to MAKE DISCIPLES!!! I don't know why I am telling you this, but I hope it will help!

In most cases of drug related dependency, rejection is one of the main roots and then also a traumatic experience, loss, a domineering parent etc. There can be other roots as well and the best thing for you to do is to wait on the Lord so that He might give you the wisdom and the discernment of spirit to help you. Another thing that I think will also be a good thing to do is to get this person to talk. Just talk. One can get so much information by just listening to a person. The Word of God tells us that whatever is in the heart of man will have an effect on his life and by getting this person to talk will eventually reveal his heart!

Pray about what I have said and let the Lord guide you. In the meantime I will support you in prayer and together we will trust the Lord for a miracle! And don't you worry one second about this person moving. God will send some one over his path again to help him and this person will be the one watering the seeds you have been planting up to now!
God's Word NEVER returns void Isa 55:11, NEVER!!! and you can put this in your diary!

Yours in His service
Thank you so much for all your replies. They were all really helpful. I cant say much more, for the sake of privacy, but I might PM one of you... I will continue to pray also. I think I know what might have caused him to feel disapointed and rejected by christianity, I fear it may have been something I said a long time ago that definately wasnt intended that way, but I hope it wasnt me. :( Bringing that up with him will be an issue though.
He once asked me why I had been at his house watching him from the trees but I have no idea where he lives so thats impossible.

I had to laugh at this one but he may be right in a sense, you are watching over him spiritually and he senses it. I agree with boanerges, pray for him. He is reaching out to you asking for help.
What if he insists that things I remember clearly never happened? Some things have been confirmed by people, but he still insists they didnt happen, and he couldnt have been drunk for these events in particular, maybe afterwards but not for them... Im freaked out and slightly scared! :(

As I have mentioned earlier about some of the symptoms and roots of drug/alcohol related dependency, another one is denial. Nothing you say or do will get him/her to actually agree with you because that will mean they have to admit that they are wrong and in their eyes they are always right no matter what! The worst of it all is that deep inside them they know that they are wrong and on the road of destruction!
I want to make a statement and the moderator team must correct me if I am wrong, but Paul writes in Rom 1:24 "Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:" We know that God's grace has no boundaries, but there comes a point where the Lord actually stand back and literally give persons over to their own lusts and desires. It is like He is saying "you want it - here you go take it and see what happens!"
This is why it is so absolutely important that we continue to pray for them and to support them regardless.
And you - hard as it might sound - get on with your life and the calling God has placed on your life. To be freaked out and scared is the opposite of faith! Look at the disciples when they found them in the middle of a storm! What was Jesus' reaction? O you of little faith! Then He took control of the situation and we know what the outcome was! What you need to do is to actually take your friend to the cross of Calvary and leave him there. God will take care of him. You know and I know, there is a part of the road that we have to walk by ourselves, no one else can walk that road for me. But with my eyes on Jesus and my life securely in the hands of a living God that knows exactly what He is doing, it will be worth it all the while.
Keep on praying for your friend, when he needs your support, support him and minister to him when the opportunity arise, but in the meantime remember that God have a purpose for your life and you dare not miss out on it. Whether you want to know it or not, God is using your friend to teach you something as well! Find out what it is, learn and apply it!

One more thing - if the Lord is speaking to your hart about something that you might have said that offended your friend, you need to be obedient and do restitution. Not making a big fuss out of it, tell your friend you are sorry if anything you said caused offence and leave it there. Whether he forgives you or not, you have been faithful and did what the Lord told you to do. Pray about it and wait on the Lord for guidance!

My prayers be with you and we will trust the Lord together for a miracle for your friend!

Yours in His service