I am holding on BUT now I am done..I need help

bobinfaith

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#21
Hello Bob. Thank you so much. The picture is an image I got from the net. She reminds me of my last born because they look alike.

I have really tried for 2years now to be strong. I have hussled..believed..endured...but am human I feel despair and wonder for how long can I go on.
Dear sister;

I'm here. Please read, meditate on the scripture I'm sharing with you. You and I are wondering how long can we go on? As long as it takes to love and raise your children, and as long as God uses me to shepherd His church. I have so many of God's sheep who are physically and spiritually struggling in church and at times I feel like stepping down.

But you and I know that forsaking God would be taking away His glory with the unfinished plans He has for both of us in our walk with Jesus, amen? Lets choose God.
 
Amens/Likes: Cturtle
#22
It is 6.45am here... I have barely slept.

There was a day I thought of taking my life and that of my children to end this stuggle..but the thought of it made me shudder and felt guilty. I then thought of taking my own life..but when I think of my children I cry. Life still gets hard..I am appreciating the prayer support..it is encouraging despite the hardship
 

bobinfaith

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Staff member
Helper
#23
My Spirit moves the LOVE of Jesus within me. I am sure our brothers and sisters will agree that in this short time we already love your childen. You are a woman of God, therefore, we love you too, sister Beth.

I'm adding "forward thinking" to our prayer and fasting for your family. The heavy laden has already been placed at Jesus' feet. Let go and wait quietly as Jesus has gone ahead of you, to deliver His wonderful mercies and grace.

Be at peace now, and wait quietly, try to take a little rest. God bless you, Beth.
 

bobinfaith

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Staff member
Helper
#25
Dear sister Beth;

Ok, but one more thing. A friend of mine and brother in Christ wrote this song many years ago. We play and sing this during worship at church. I want to bless you with this song and it goes like this;

He Will Serve You
There is no problem too big God cannot solve it

There is no mountain too tall He cannot move it

There is no storm too tall He cannot calm it

There is no sorrow too deep He cannot sooth it

Chorus
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders

I know my brother (sister) that He will carry you

If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders

I know my brother (sister) that He will carry you

Bridge
He said Come unto me, all who are weary

And I will give you rest
 
#26
Dear Bob,

One more thing that I would want guidance on. I have not been a perfect Christian in my trying times. I feel like God wouldn't listen to me because of my flaws. Example of where I failed. One day I was totally empty on food and had nothing to give my children. As I was walking stressed and worried an elderly lady dropped some cash as she was removing her handkerchief. Instead of letting her know I waited until she was gone..I picked the money. It felt so guilty and I was ashamed. I justified my actions by consoling myself that I needed the money. I fell into temptation without hesitating. I think of the old lady and how my actions could have affected her. It was probably all she had and I was selfish to pick it. I can never find her to apologise and let her know how ashamed and sorry I am. These are the things that affect my hope..I feel unworthy for the poor choices I make and lacking self control. Will God bless me or listen to me in my state.
 
Amens/Likes: bobinfaith

bobinfaith

Helper
Staff member
Helper
#27
Dear Blessed Beth;

Will God bless you or listen to you in your state? He will love and understand you, sister. Have time to share your confession to God directly and ask Him to make a way for you to cross the elderly woman. This has happened to me in my lifetime.

Confess from our hearts and repent while God continues to work in all of us. In Philippians 2:13, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

God makes a way. When He provided me with plenty (as He will with you) the person I took from crossed paths again, and I chose to approach him and confessed what I did in my state.

He didn't remember losing his money or the incidence, and was very surprised when I gave back more than I took. He refused to accept from me and said it's ok, but God allowed me to make it right by putting the words on my lips and expressing how I wanted to ask for his forgiveness, then bless him and his family which would enable me to have peace.

He was not a believer and never experienced this before and forgave me. Then he learned that day about my obedience to Christ, that we are not perfect, we are forgiven.

When God blesses you, Beth, ask Him to make a way for the elderly woman to cross your path one day.

We also cannot limit the amazing way God works. If she doesn't cross your path someday, it doesn't forfeit God's understanding, mercies, forgiveness and grace upon you.

God bless you, sister.
 
#28
Dear Bob,

You have no idea how your words have lifted part of my burden. You have made me stop reeling in guilt and seek forgiveness. I will confess and let Him work in me. Amen
 
Amens/Likes: Cturtle
#29
Your job is to let go and hand over this burden to Jesus. heavenly Father is looking after them already. Am sorry your husband deserted you. That would make me feel betrayed not to mention what this does for your children. Dads are meant to provide, mums are meant to nurture. How someone can do this I dont know, if Your husband was a believer he would not abandon you and he would provide for the household.
Sometimes we make wrong choices and not listen to God and the consequences of that can be hard to bear. But if we confess and ask forgiveness God can put things right. During this time draw near to God for He is your provider. He also forgives your debts that you couldnt possibly pay yourself...with the cost of His sons life.

Simply love your children and God will do the rest.

I was without paid work for a few years, I didnt lose my job or have children to look after though but I was brought up to believe my whole identity and purpose was to have a career. God changed my mind about that and asked me to give up my job so I could rest in Him. And that my identity was in Christ not a job or earning money. Plus the work that he got me doing was also feeding others and feeding myself, because I was actually growing food and sharing His word. And He provided everything. Hey it is no shame to live with your parents if house prices and the rent is way too high. If something is unaffordable, then count the cost before you embark. GOd loves it when we ask for His widsom and He is able to give it to you liberally. Just humble yourself and pray. Dont be proud, pride never gets anyone anywhere and its the prideful that fall the hardest.

Job did ask 'why me' when he lost everything, his wealth, health, even his own children. He wasnt aware satan was out to attack him. But God doesnt want us to be selfpitying. He just wants us to love Him for who He is, not for all the material gifts He bestows. Sometimes these trials are to refine us and to test our faith, so that WE come forth as gold.
 
Amens/Likes: Blessed Beth
#30
Your job is to let go and hand over this burden to Jesus. heavenly Father is looking after them already. Am sorry your husband deserted you. That would make me feel betrayed not to mention what this does for your children. Dads are meant to provide, mums are meant to nurture. How someone can do this I dont know, if Your husband was a believer he would not abandon you and he would provide for the household.
Sometimes we make wrong choices and not listen to God and the consequences of that can be hard to bear. But if we confess and ask forgiveness God can put things right. During this time draw near to God for He is your provider. He also forgives your debts that you couldnt possibly pay yourself...with the cost of His sons life.

Simply love your children and God will do the rest.

I was without paid work for a few years, I didnt lose my job or have children to look after though but I was brought up to believe my whole identity and purpose was to have a career. God changed my mind about that and asked me to give up my job so I could rest in Him. And that my identity was in Christ not a job or earning money. Plus the work that he got me doing was also feeding others and feeding myself, because I was actually growing food and sharing His word. And He provided everything. Hey it is no shame to live with your parents if house prices and the rent is way too high. If something is unaffordable, then count the cost before you embark. GOd loves it when we ask for His widsom and He is able to give it to you liberally. Just humble yourself and pray. Dont be proud, pride never gets anyone anywhere and its the prideful that fall the hardest.

Job did ask 'why me' when he lost everything, his wealth, health, even his own children. He wasnt aware satan was out to attack him. But God doesnt want us to be selfpitying. He just wants us to love Him for who He is, not for all the material gifts He bestows. Sometimes these trials are to refine us and to test our faith, so that WE come forth as gold.
Dear Lanolin,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have walked each day feeling betrayed but chose to focus on moving ahead. It is not easy but with each day comes some strength. My children give me the courage to hold on despite being such a constant let down by not providing their basics. It is not easy.

I lived with my parents for an year but my father due to our African customs asked me to leave as I was bringing shame to the family. Since I was no longer with my husband he couldnt house me because of our traditions and shaming. My mother was very supportive but not in a position to help alot as they are also on meagre pension. I have tried to live in many places each time ..it is difficult for me.. the number of days I have wanted to die and just end it..you wouldnt imagine how intense the feeling gets. I would think of serving us poison and we all rest out of these troubles. However i never have the courage and when I think of the harm I wud bring upon them..I cry and ask for forgiveness for such thoughts.

I have learnt to keep my hope in God and praying for a breakthrough.

Thank you for your prayers. Keep praying for my children and I to make it through.
 
#31
Dear Blessed Beth;

It's 830pm and am here and will remain logged on while I'm praying for you and your children, for God's reassurance over you, for strength and His peace over you.

Please open and embrace your Bible. Prayerfully read Isaiah 41:9-13, 9 you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, saying to you, “You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off”; 10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 11 Behold, all who are incensed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; those who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish. 12 You shall seek those who contend with you, but you shall not find them; those who war against you shall be as nothing at all. 13 For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”
Dear Bobinfaith,

Thank you for your encouragement. Please keep my children and I in your prayers.
 
Amens/Likes: Cturtle