This will probably be my last post on the matter for a while and I also wanted to give a bit of an update. I am taking everyone's advice on finding a church and a pastor. I realize now that it possibly wasn't the Holy Spirit convicting me but I assumed that it was and I started to curse and mock the Holy Spirit. I was also mocking what conviction is in a very terrible way and I was asking why the Holy Spirit doesn't just leave people alone and let them live their life. I also said to quit being a child and to get over the sins people commit. This was like a seven to ten minute rant and I think it happened on two or three different occasions Some of the stuff I researched on the unforgivable sin says that anything blasphemous said about the Holy Spirit could be the unforgivable sin but others say it's specifically attributing the work of the Holy Spirit to Satan? They call it defiant irrelevance and the definition sounds exactly like what I did. The way it's written in the Bible makes it seem like once you say anything blasphemous, you're done. I'm beyond terrified and I'm starting to feel dead inside. I'm having a lot of bad thoughts. My family is very worried about me and I'm starting to accept the fact that I may be going to Hell for eternity. I haven't gave up all hope though because I continue to have faith that maybe I didn't cross the line and that God has mercy on me. To leave on a good note, I've made a few Christian friends and started a Facebook group chat with them.