Leaving the church?

A

Apetini

I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.
I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.
I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.
This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.
I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.
I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.
 
Apetini said:
What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me?
Click to expand...
seek ye first the Kingdom of God seek ye the Lord while he may be found call upon him while he is near. you dont need a forum you need Godly council. a group of pastors/Christians who will pray with you and listen. the Holy sprit will show you. i know several i can go to if i neeed. but ya know they all have there own problems to.. imo why quit if it was all her choice and you crossed every T dotted every I . nothing else take a break let God show you. in all this remember the warfare the devil is shoveling your way Ephesians 6:12 i have no advice other than pray do what you feel your led to do. you need spiritual healing
 
Of course you know that the Lord has everything under control and for the Christian there is nothing that might be called 'by chance'. So the question is what is the purpose. I believe it a good thing that you feel free to fellowship elsewhere as well. I find that by nature we are always looking to other people for emotional support - direction - spiritual guidance - which is alright if it is kept in perspective that God uses people - but they themselves are not the authority. Perhaps the Lord is dealing with you in a Job like manner to raise you a little higher. God knows how to do things and get through to us though we feel we are at our end.
Our words are of small comfort but despite ourselves He will see us through.
 
I'll be praying for your situation. God can bring healing as you know (Exo 15:26 and many other places). God has given us a Comforter as well. Trust God that he is with you, in you and able to lead and guide you through all things.

Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (KJV)
Always brings me comfort in trial and other times as well. God has a purpose in what he allows to happen in our lives. Going to God and following where the Spirit leads we know that all things will work together for good.
 
Apetini said:
I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.
I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.
I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.
This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.
I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.
I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.
Click to expand...

My dear friend......"Be true to thine self"!

My guess is that being around those who know what has taken place in your life is a reminder of what took place. That knowledge bring up guilt, whether intentional or not. It just may be that the Lord is speaking to your consciousness in order to move you to a place where you can recover and start over.

I only know of one instance in my experiences where a Pastor has remained in a church where he was once a pastor.
 
Apetini said:
I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.
I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.
I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.
This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.
I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.
I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.
Click to expand...
The one Church asked you to step down as pastor; going through what you are still going through after 2 years I don't think it unreasonable to ask that Church if you can 'step out' for a while including mandatory attendance until you have recovered your former peace and joy before your wife had left you.
 
Apetini said:
I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.
I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.
I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.
This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.
I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.
I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.
Click to expand...

Hello Apetini;

I'm so sorry for the devastation you went through two years ago. I have a question. Did you already have other pastoral support inside or outside your church during and when your wife left you? During all seasons I have always had pastoral support, some with 35 and 40+ year's experience that encourage me as well as hold me accountable. If you can think of at least one or two pastor friends, I'm encouraging you to prayerfully consider contacting them.

The next two years it seems you went forward with your life and then the merger, which is commendable. Though you held on to your ministry, perhaps this would have been the best time to take a sabbatical and care for yourself. To take the time to mourn, grieve and heal what happened with the second most important thing in your life, your family.

The loss of my mother back in 2003 was a terrible setback and to keep my mind off her, I kept busy with work and the church. One of my mentor pastors who is a Christian counselor told me I was not taking the time to grieve and heal. I listened to him and God, slowly but surely got me past the loss of my Mom.

In the mist of what has happened to you, Apetini, the merger can be a blessing but mergers take a lot of work, time, transition and adjustment for pulpit committees, pastoral staff and the church family. From what I read the merge didn't seem to know the correct course of direction with staffing you and your personal circumstance, therefore, they struggled with your spiritual and emotional being which was hindering your commitment to them.

Taking the time to attend another church and worship service can give you the opportunity to just rest, worship, get fed the message from another pastor, is one of best ways to get refreshed while giving that responsibility a break.

I just learned about you today and what encouragement I hope to offer you is from my personal setbacks in life as a pastor, husband and man of God. You still have your whole life in front of you, your children, your pastoral ministry and yourself.

John 12:27-28, 27 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. 28 Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.”

I have all the faith that your faith will allow God to reveal His glory in you.

God bless you, Apetini, and your children.
 
A sabbatical is a good thing for you at this time.
I am thinking maybe the caller who berated you did not know about your wife leaving you. I think if they knew they would understand.
I know in church settings, people don't always know everything thats going on outside of church if they never see you outside of it.

It is kind of like children assuming that I live and sleep in the library. Or teachers live at school. No..I go home too, just like them lol.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top