Letting him go

Hey, all. :)

A friend of mine from Bible college and I became very close during our senior year. I started to develop some pretty serious feelings for him. We had spent a lot of time together, he had come to my house, he had gone to my church, we went out pretty much every day of the week and hung out during the weekend. In the end, it ended quite badly and we went our separate ways....hurt and angry at each other.

It was very unfortunate and it was a very hard time for me after graduation. I was vulnerable, heartbroken, lonely, and angry. It's been ten months since I graduated and I had attended a wedding and the guy was there.

It was extremely awkward and even though I don't believe I have any feelings for him, a flood of memories came rushing back and it was painful to see him again. He was the best man at the wedding.

Thinking that he didn't want to talk or interact, I remained quiet and reserved. It wasn't until after the wedding and into the reception that he had approached me. He talked to me, showed grace, love, and truth towards me. He had invited me to sit at his table with our typical group of friends (because I wasn't sitting at their table and since someone didn't come, I was invited to come to the table).

Needless to say, I wasn't going to because it was just hard being in the same room as him.

But God challenged me by saying, "Katie, I am restoring. You need to sit at his table." And with every ounce of courage I could muster up, I sat down at his table.

There, the guy kept showing me grace and love. Asking me how I have been, what's been going on, etc. We laughed, we joked, etc. It seemed like we were back to normal.

He rode with me back to my apartment and walked me to my apartment and said goodbye, and he left.

I got into my apartment and God said, "Tonight, Marek showed you grace and love when you did not deserve it. He showed you grace when you didn't deserve the grace. He showed you love when you did not deserve it. You said some very hurtful things to him the last time you saw him and instead of showing you anger, hurt, and hatred.....he showed you love. He showed you what I show you on a daily basis. You need to make this right."

I sat down on my couch, put my head in my hands, and cried. I poured out every hurt, I poured out every ounce of unforgiveness, upon the feet of Jesus. I knew he was in town for the next week but knew we wouldn't see each other before he goes back to Poland.

I booted up my computer and brought up my Facebook page. Marek had sent me a message a couple months ago which I did not read because I just didn't care. I read the message and it was all about how I had hurt him with the things that I said to him the last time we talked. He said he had cried and was hurt.

I finally shot him a message, apologizing time after time, expressing how I was so grateful of how he treated me today because it would have been an awful time for both of us. I apologized for saying things out of hurt and out of anger.

After I sent it to him, I prayed a prayer of release. I chose to let go. I chose to release our friendship.

It has a level of sadness to it.

Letting go is hard, but letting go needs to happen when our hands are so tightly grasped onto something that we can't let go. Marek had meant a lot to me at some point, but we had crossed boundaries and started relying on each other for things we needed to rely on Christ. It wasn't healthy and it was time for us to go our separate ways. It didn't end in the best way, but it has been restored.

Let go and allow God to move.
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Katie I feel for you. Sometimes we can be unappreciative of people and although we have the best intentions we don't do what's best.

It's a shame it ended as it did, but these things happen all the time and to all people. It happens to be all the time. It happens to me all the time.

I'm praying for you. (y)
I'm sorry to hear/read of your ordeal and I'm glad God Almighty is working in your life.

@Fish_of_Faith mentioned about good intentions really rings true. I, myself, have developed a selective memory, whether it is good, I don't know. I have forgotten so much where I made a decision based on good intentions, only to see bad results.

I even put off making decisions as long as I can because I'm afraid it will be the wrong decision. That too is questionable as if it is good or bad.

Anyway, sorry if I went on about me. This thread is clearly about your testimony and the Way God is helping you.

Thank you for sharing.