"love The Sinner, Hate The Sin"

Jesus Freak

Previously DanaCovert68
I have ended more friendships than I care to think about. Now how do I ,"love the sinner. Hate the sin"? It's hard for me to do this because of those ended friendships , just because of things I wanted the person to do to make the friendship work to my advantage. And that's not me at all. I want to learn how to make the friendship work both ways, and me realize that no ones perfect. So, any AND all advice is going to be helpful.
There is really no step by step formula to make all that come true in your way of thinking and being....here is the best I can give ya:

"“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”37 And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’38 This is the great and [a]foremost commandment.39 The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’40 On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40.

What is love?
"4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;7 [a]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Any and all progress with people goes back to love. All progress will be in Love. And God is Love. He is the source of that Love flowing from within us. 1 John 4:8.

Confess to God when you are wrong, and trust Him to tell you the right thing to say or do at the right time with the right people. :) Think on how He treats you and treat others as He treats you..... :)
I have learned "Taking things Personal looses Perspective"

Meaning everyone is different and acts differently.

Think of this as an example -
Dogs, Horses, and Scorpions are all created different.
Dogs are great friends, but can't handle a heavy load, and will bite when threatened.
Horses are also great friends, yet they can handle a heavy load, (on or behind them) and they will kick when threatened.
Scorpions are not great friends, I am not sure what their purpose is for (expect medically they produce anti-venom), and they will sting you when threatened.
So do you get 'mad' or 'offended' if a scorpion stings you?
Or If a dog bites you, or a horse kicks you?
With wisdom - you can learn how to handle being around those creatures without getting hurt.
They all give off signs when they are about to explode, some can handle more than others.
Usually dogs from shelters who have been abuse, have trust issues, yet when they feel safe, and be a better friend than a dog who was not abused.

When it comes to people "Hurting People Hurt People"
Even if it is not their intent.

Think of this as an example -
Only after you get really bad sunburn will someone come up and pat you on the back.
Only after you slam your hand in the door does it seem that everyone grabs your hand.
What happens an adult spams their hand in a door, and they start to loose their fingernails. Yet a small child is walking by them and as they trip and fall they reach out and grab the hand of the adult?
(Since I have personally done this - ok I didn't loose my finger nail)
The adult reacts out of a defensive self protection mode (protect the hurt finger), and then the child doesnt realize what they did, or why they are getting yelled at, etc.
(I then had to pick up my son and explain why I was hurt, and he was not a bad child, he just hurt me because of something else that had happened to me before.)

Beyond that
I have learned usually whatever situations we encounter are situations that mirror how people (we and even I) interact with God.
I remember I had one friend who was always toooooo busy for me.
I would call her, leave messages for her, etc ... but she couldn't get around to talking with me.
I would tell God I was done putting all of the efforts into this relationship, and I was hurt by her busy lifestyle. I was done. It happened a few times, and every time, she would then contact me. =)
I had to repeat this lesson, until I realized, this relationship was a Mirror of how I was treating God.

In time I have found, as I have built my love with God - by actually Falling in Love with God
I have seen more and more mirrors in Life.
I pray and try to teach my children to pray to love people the way God loves them - thus in time it became easier to accept people as they are (if they can handle a large load in life or not) and to not take a personal offense to their actions.

Remember everyone is in a process of refinement.
Gold has no value before it is refined.
Refining requires digging, heating up, hammering ... and a bunch of things that could be struggles within our lives.
Jesus did not die on the cross for Garbage - thus He not only values you, but also the other person.
You cannot be responsible for their choices or actions - only yours and how you handle it.

Also remember Our Cross is Our Self
Life can beat us up to the point where we physically cannot carry anymore.
(It did to Jesus.)
But asking Him for help, and trying (even if you mess it up) is what He values.
You are never expected to be perfect (if you were, then why would you need a savior)
You are expect to ask Jesus for Help, and to Love.

(Sidenote - one time there were people who hurt me, and no matter how badly I wanted to be the first to say I forgive you or to give them a hug - I couldnt I wasn't strong enough)

I know this is long - but it just seems like I have more I want to try to help you with. (or whoever might read this)

Also think of this -
A broken leg cannot support the weight of a body.
The Dr will put a cast on the leg (a wall)
Then the bone will be able to heal.
The Dr will then NEED to remove the cast (the wall)
If the cast does not come off - even if the bone heals - what happens to the muscle?
People who go through physical therapy can say the PT can be more painful than the time of the actual injury.
It is ok it if it takes time - provided, You are trying.
Also understand ... some people never want to take off the cast, and will never want to accept personal responsibility as to why the muscle withered and died.

Please use wisdom
and focus on principles not situations.
meaning ...
Every apple in an apple in an apple tree is unique, just as every rose bud on a rose bush is unique to itself.
Yet you will never get an apple growing out of a rose bush, nor will you get a rose growing out of an apple tree.
Situations are all unique - yet they all stem from principles
Ending one situation usually ends up in another situation just like the one that was ended.
Changing the Principles - changes everything.

How does that apply?
Situations apply to a person's childhood, their career, their family etc
Principles apply to choosing if you will love or hate, forgive or resent, be positive or negative.

Again - remember everyone is on their own journey
and God Never Makes Mistakes!

Some things we may never understand
If we ask God for help, and to show us how to handle things - let Him lead.
Even if it means you need to let someone go.
Even if it means you need to say sorry
Remember if it's not about you, that person might just need to hear that from you so they can move on from where they are, or so they can start to remove their wall.

God has removed people within my life.
I remember telling my Pastor once how reading in the Bible about the Pruning of the Branches is a lot less painful than living it.
Also be encouraged - God Loves Everyone - but not everyone loves Him back (and He is perfect)
God does understand your struggles.

Be Blessed - and I pray you feel comforted by His Love for You!

Jesus Freak

Previously DanaCovert68
I think I know what you're trying to say. I think you're trying to say not to change people. Let them be themself. And that's what I need to do. I just need to forget their faults and let them either be my friend, or be my enemy.
Some times things needed to be planted, before we now there to go to.
I know that I said was deep - and many times people miss what I am trying to help with.
You are on the right track.
As you pray and do as God puts on your heart to do, you will raise above this struggle.
Until then know God loves you!

Jesus Freak

Previously DanaCovert68
Oh, yeah. I am ready to start loving my friends no matter what. I did though tell a friend who likes to ramble on about the books he's reading, not to. And he hasn't so far. But it's only been a week. After that, I told him that I wasn't going to say anything more about our friendship. Why ? Because, I feel it's at a GREAT point right now. I don't want to ruin it.