Is it possible to be married in God's eyes but never have had an actual wedding? Like can you ask that God will make you both married to eachother (obviosuly if it's a mutual decision between the man and woman), and will He do it if it's His will for you to be toghether?
I'm not aware of any clear direction in Scripture to answer this question. My personal opinion is yes; if there is a commitment from the heart. However I also believe there should be 3rd party witnesses to the commitment. It should be public. Personally, when my kids are old enough to marry, I will perform the ceremony. I'm not ordained by any man or organization, but I believe it is my God-ordained right as the authority over them. They will also have a license from the civil magistrate to allow for all the rights and privileges afforded by a legal marriage though. I think that's part of being in the world but not of the world.
As far as how God may feel, I'm not sure. But I do know that in the eyes of unbelievers, not being married in the civil sense may look bad to them. In a sense, it can hurt your witness.


There may no be definitive answer here but we are instructed in scripture to obey the laws of our land and marriage is the legal custom.
I think that there isn't a problem about that commitment and love between the both of you.. I even think this is the most important part in a relationship, in a marriage.. the understanding between the both of you.But, you should also put in mind that marriage is a sacrament and it should be verified by witnesses and a priest. And, I think it really wouldn't hurt right, professing your love for someone in front of people and in front of God. Love should be celebrated.. not just kept between the both of you..
Is it possible to be married in God's eyes but never have had an actual wedding? Like can you ask that God will make you both married to eachother (obviosuly if it's a mutual decision between the man and woman), and will He do it if it's His will for you to be toghether?
A union is not a marriage unless it is known. If it is not a marriage in the eyes of the church and or the world then it is not a marriage in the eyes of God.

Did Christ take HIS "bride" (the church) and keep her in secret???????

Are we not to be baptized in public???????

Marriage is not only a covinent, but a legal agreement.
Commitment of any kind made in secret is not a commitment. That is especialy true of marriage.

No agreement is binding without witnesses. The wedding, the ceremony, the civil agreement, the public professing of agreement and commitment, no matter how small is the foundation of the marriage(even for the non Christian. How much more so ,then, for thoser who profess to bellieve and follow Christ Jesus??????

Starting a life and family together with out it is like building on quick sand.

How much love does a man have for a woman if by not publicly commiting to the marriage he would have her seen before the world as a harlet, a fallen woman, living in sin and shame?????

How much respect does a woman have for herself and a man if she would be commited with him in sin????

For this a man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one flesh.

The two can never be one flesh unless they publicly commit to being one flesh before God.
Marriage is a holy institution ,not of man ,but of God. If we as Christians are to do it then we should do it as Christ Jesus exampled withHis bride the Church.

There is no specific reference to marriage in scripture simply because it the basic understanding in all of scripture.


Unless one is stranded on a dessert Isle I do not see a reason not to get married. If those folks are committed for a lifetime this symbolizes that, if not then they should not be living together.
I am curious as to why you want a 'secret' marriage. Is there something that would stop you from having a normal wedding. For example is one party still legally married to someone else?
Naturally you do not need to answer my questions but it would certainly help us all as we try to stand alongside you and answer you somewhat unusual question.
I agree with what the others have written here about a marriage needing to be legitimized through the legal system (because we are commanded to obey the laws of the country), and also because a marriage needs to be a public proclamation. Another verse in the Bible to consider is in John 4 when Jesus spoke to the woman at the well...

"15The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water." 16He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."
17"I have no husband," she replied.
Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

In this verse we clearly see a woman who has been married five times, and is currently living with/ sleeping with a man who is not her husband. Jesus makes the distinction between the men who were her husbands and the man who is not. Even though the woman is living with a man, and joined herself to him in the flesh, he is not her husband.

Some other things along the lines to consider is that the commitment to marriage actually begins with the engagement. Consider Mary and Joseph as an example..... In Mathew 1 it says "18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly." In these verses we find where Joseph was pledged to be married, but at the same time was considered "married" and that he would need to "divorce" Mary. So, by their engagement, they had entered into a marriage covenant. This indicates that marriage begins prior to an actual ceremony, prior to actually living together, and prior to even having sexual relations. In that same chapter of Matthew, we find a couple of verses later where the angel visits Joseph and tells him to not be afraid to take Mary home as his wife. And at the end of the chapter, it says "24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus." So, we can see from verse 19 that Joseph would have needed to divorce Mary (because he was already her "husband") even though they were technically what we call being engaged or promised to be married.

And finally, if we look at Matthew 9, one passage on divorce, you can find where it says " 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." It is saying that a man who divorces for any reason not permitted by God, is not allowed to remarry because then he will be committing adultery.... and why? Because the marriage covenant is still in effect under God. Backing up a few verses.... "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." A legal divorce is not the same as a spiritual divorce. Unless God has permitted the divorce under certain conditions, then the spiritual marriage is still valid and any relationship which follows is adultery. Matthew 9 also says that "and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." If you marry a woman (or man) who divorced for the wrong reasons, then you also are committing adultery because that person is still spiritually joined to their original spouse. Only God can spiritually separate a marriage, and he has given instructions on when it is permissible. So, I am bringing up this final point about marriage in regards to divorce, in order to show that there is also a distinction that can be made between a legal marriage and a spiritual marriage. This does not negate the need for a legal marriage.

Anyhow, this is my take on what the Bible says about marriage. Marriage begins with the promise/ public pledge to be married. It begins with the uniting of two hearts along with a public proclamation of this pledge. At that point the two are joined. (Unless the one is already joined to another and then it is simply adultery.) After that point, the union is made legal. And from there it can only be separated (divorce) under certain conditions, and only the "innocent" party is held blameless and can remarry. Anything else would be sin.
I'm soooooooo sorry everyone for not replying or keeping the thread updated!! I've had so many things on my mind lately I forgot I even made the thread. But thank you all for responding, I am just about to read every post. God bless you all! XX
I've read all the replies, and they were all very helpful and opened my eyes. Kind of like a slap in the face with the truth really, which is what I needed. So thank you all. It's a bit of a difficult situation to explain which is why I didn't go into any details. It's hard because with those replies, and my knowledge from the Bible, I know it has to be a public thing in order to be real and stuff. But it's like....graargh I don't know. Can't put it into words. :confused::(