I am so upset, a couple at my church and in my small group got married and had this wedding and invited everyone from my small group except me. I know this because I saw pictures of everyone from my small group at the wedding. This was after I talked to my pastor about whether it was open invite bc I didnt get an invitation and he said it was invitation only and that I wasnt the only one not invited. But looking at the pictures I see that isnt true. So then I messaged him and told him I saw everyone from small group that goes regurarly there. He listed a few names of people that weren't invited, but they don't come very often (with the exception of this one guy and this girl who just started coming a few few months ago). That doesnt matter to me because I have been going regularly, Im a girl and have been going for a long time and I was the only one out of the group of girls that goes regurarly that isnt new that was not invited. That is what makes me feel like there is something wrong with me because I was the only girlone out of the core group not invited, like do they have something against me or does somebody else in the group have something against me and they wanted them there and didnt want them feeling uncomfortable around me? I dont know. But I was the only girl who has been coming a year that attends regurarly that wasn't invited. I had specifically asked him before the wedding if there were other people that go regurarly to small group that weren't invited and he said a whole bunch. One guy and one new person isn't a whole bunch. Why would he say this? And why was I the only girl that attends regurarly not invited? And he had access to the guest list to know who was invited? Why would he know the guest list? He was officiating the wedding, but still, does the officiant usually know the guest list?
Only one from church small group not invited to wedding
- Thread starter poehlerfan
- Start date
Sounds like a pretty fake group of people. Can't think of anything else. I'm the type of person who would never make anyone feel left out from anything even if they have some annoying habits. So even if they think you're annoying or something that still messed up. Sorry to hear this.
Is this type of thing happening to you often?
I have been slighted before poehlerfan. The simple truth is not everyone is going to like you and if there is a click type group then the sentiments of one will collectively manifest itself in the entire group. The best thing you can do is NOT make a big deal of it, take it to the Lord in prayer and manifest a Christ like character in all cases. Jesus did not impose himself on others but nevertheless loved everyone. He is our example.
Also consider the spirituality of the church. Are you being fed spiritually from the word of God? If not, probably no one else is either. Hence why you are having a problem to begin with. If that is the case, I would try to find a true bible based church and prayerfully good fellow-shipping will follow--albeit this is not always the case.
With all things considered, if you decide this is the church for you, here are some practical tips to win their hearts. First, pray for each and everyone of the members, especially your enemies. Pray for yourself, and analyze yourself using God's word as the "mirror" to see if their is any fault with in you and ask God for help correcting it. These two things will give you a pure heart and pure motives when dealing with the others and may cause you to even humble yourself if you noticed a fault in yourself. Assuming that step is done, next analyze the structure of their click, who is the "leader" at the top. Clicks usually have a type of hierarchical structure. The people at the bottom are usually like you, just happy to be included in the "group" Once you identified those on the bottom, try to befriend them. When you do that, you usually start making friends with their friends which naturally begins working it's way up. Also don't be fake, just be yourself. They should like you for who you are. (if you equate being yourself to meanness or sinning, then that part of you needs to be given up). It's okay to go out of your way to be nice, and serve others, but do not go out of your way to impress them. Also if you do serve others, do it because you want to be more like Jesus, not because your trying to gain their friendship.
It is also important not to act needy even if you are needy. By needy, I mean satisfying your peace from the attention of others. Learn to depend on God alone. You can do this by prayer, obeying him, and as you obey him, your love for Him will grow even more. Read John 15, this will tell you all about it. In John 14:27 Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
I really hope this helps you. Remember, true happiness is not found in circumstances, but in the peace God gives you, internally.
--MoG
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I really like much of Man ofGod's reply.
I would like to add a little observation of people around me...
In this case, it is family members that have problems (and a church should be like a family). In this case, each of them truly cares about each other, but they are quick to feel hurts that are unintended. In most cases there is perceived slight (one sister invited another on vacation, and another left out. In one case there was a specific (and very private) reason that I was aware of that had little to do with feelings for the one not asked. The problem is made worse because they all care a great deal for each other and will talk on the phone expressing their concern for each others problems. Unfortunately, it appears to be malicious gossip to the one being discussed. These people truely care about each other, and it is because of their deep caring that they feel hurt.
The point to all this is that if it is a caring group, and if you are, in general, made welcome apart from this, I wouldn't read too much into this incident. People do make inadvertent oversights. It is not to their credit, but you should not take it as intentional.
Friendships are too precious to allow such things to interfere.
If this is bothering you, I would evaluate their fellowship with you as a whole, rather than singling out one unfortunate incident, and if you are not being nurtured, and if you are not in turn nurturing others, than you may need to correct things, either by taking the initiative to build the fellowship with the group, or cultivate fellowship with those that appreciate you.
I would like to add a little observation of people around me...
In this case, it is family members that have problems (and a church should be like a family). In this case, each of them truly cares about each other, but they are quick to feel hurts that are unintended. In most cases there is perceived slight (one sister invited another on vacation, and another left out. In one case there was a specific (and very private) reason that I was aware of that had little to do with feelings for the one not asked. The problem is made worse because they all care a great deal for each other and will talk on the phone expressing their concern for each others problems. Unfortunately, it appears to be malicious gossip to the one being discussed. These people truely care about each other, and it is because of their deep caring that they feel hurt.
The point to all this is that if it is a caring group, and if you are, in general, made welcome apart from this, I wouldn't read too much into this incident. People do make inadvertent oversights. It is not to their credit, but you should not take it as intentional.
Friendships are too precious to allow such things to interfere.
If this is bothering you, I would evaluate their fellowship with you as a whole, rather than singling out one unfortunate incident, and if you are not being nurtured, and if you are not in turn nurturing others, than you may need to correct things, either by taking the initiative to build the fellowship with the group, or cultivate fellowship with those that appreciate you.
This is a good point as well.