Raising christian girls

#1
Question...for christian mothers raising daughters. Do you raise your daughters to be mothers and submit to a man who will be their husbands?

I was thinking to how me and my sister were raised, and we we, like most children of immigrant families were just raised to get a good education and work for a living. I dont think getting married and have families of our own ever came into the equation. After all who was there to marry? As unbelievers christian men wouldnt marry us, and we didnt have any prospects or land or anything. My mum is not a christian (yet?) so I dont know any different.

Now that we have careers and independnce (well relatively) we do everything a man could do, why would a man want to marry someone who is ok on her own? I didnt realise this til, later when mum was bascially telling my older sister to hurry up and get married. This a bit rich from a mother who never encouraged us daughters to find a husband. We spent all our time and energy learning and developing ourselves, not learning how to please a man. We didnt need to learn any dosmetic arts cos theres no money in that! And if we work full time, how are we expected to just give that up to marry someone and have children, if the job is our calling.
So I dont really get that.

When I became born again it seemd like everyone my age who was a christian was now a mother with children, as if thats meant to be the only calling a christian woman has. But it also seemed everyone who was a mother was just that frustrated with their children and being a mother, doing housework and running after them yet having no time for God. The bible even says that it better for a woman to remain unmarried because they only have to please the Lord, not the Lord AND her husband and her children. Yes they may turn 18 and then leave home, but if you have children dont you have them for life? You cant just leave them or give them up or do you at a certain age...?

So my question is how do christian mothers raise christian girls. Do you tell them to be careful around boys, or wait, or go with the first one that asks...? Or do you say you need to stop thinking about boys and concentrate on your studies because noones going to look after you, and you need to earn your own living. Am a bit confused over this. Its a bit late for me now, but, maybe it will help someone else who is raising a daughter.
 
Amens/Likes: bobinfaith
#2
Or christian dads raising daughters, sorry, not just mothers. Christian parents I should say.

I think the reason why my dad didnt ever talk to me about this kind of thing is because he actually doesnt want to give away his daughter. But he has never pressured me to marry or find a job. Those expectations came from mum.
 
Last edited:
Amens/Likes: bobinfaith
#3
Ok..no response...but I would like to know.
I think these days girls are raised just the same as boys theres no real difference but then I did go to a coed highschool, not a sex segregated one, got a bachelors degree (not a spinsters) and a masters (not a mistress, or a mrs degree). I never went to a posh finishing school and learned the facts of life from experience, reading, school and other children, not from mum or dad.

Also I was taught women could have it all, but I wonder how much of the traditional view of women is godly and how much is just not. Like imagine if I got told no you cant have an education as women are only good for housework and having babies. I would proabably be a grandmother by now, but maybe, like many women I would have just went with the first man that asked and that would be it.

Genesis 6 talks a bit about this but why does it say the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair (fair in what way, pretty, blonde, or just?) and they took wives of all which they chose.

But...what if, you are the daughter of man that was not chosen? What happens, do you remain a maid forever, and what does it mean to be a wife anyway? Do you ever get taught HOW to be a wife? What about the other way round, do daughters get to choose their husbands? What if you just dont want to be a wife. Questions questions...
 
Amens/Likes: bobinfaith

bobinfaith

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 15, 2010
1,076
2,122
113
61
Daly City, California
www.livingstoneministries.com
#4
Hi Lanolin;

Good thread and good questions!

I'm looking forward to respond this week with my testimony about raising our two Christian nieces in my household.

Ministry work is keeping me from CFS fellowship this month but have some quiet time later this week.

I definitely want to have this discussion with you and the others.

God bless you, sister, and your family.
 
#5
Oh goody be interesting to hear other peoples views on this because I really dont know anything. Or maybe women arent supposed to be smart, just pretty.
I was reading this book by Amy Tan, whos dad was a baptist minister. Her mother somehow implied that she was to grow up to be a doctor and concert pianist virtuoso. So she felt pretty bad when she didnt exactly live up to her mothers american dream expectations. But her own mother had a secret family back in China that shed abandoned three daughters for her dad, because her first husband had been abusive. Her mother told her 'being pretty ruined my life'. Amy Tan is now a writer and also married, but she doesnt have any children, just dogs. She says the family stopped praying when both her dad and brother died of brain tumours when she was fifteen.
 
Amens/Likes: bobinfaith

bobinfaith

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 15, 2010
1,076
2,122
113
61
Daly City, California
www.livingstoneministries.com
#6
Hello Lanolin;

Question...for christian mothers raising daughters. Do you raise your daughters to be mothers and submit to a man who will be their husbands?
Or christian dads raising daughters, I think the reason why my dad didnt ever talk to me about this kind of thing is because he actually doesnt want to give away his daughter. But he has never pressured me to marry or find a job. Those expectations came from mum.
Or maybe women arent supposed to be smart, just pretty.

Ok, its been a long week, Praise the Lord, and now will pull the plug and wind down at Christian Forum Site. I read your threads and there are so many thoughts and questions, so I zeroed in on three that may help answer most in one post.

I get asked these questions quite a bit in the church from young women, the parents, or single parents, both raising their daughters. It's natural that most mothers do want their daughters to get married and have children.

Most mothers find it a blessing being the grandmother of their grandchildren who are little treasures to the grandparents.

Proverbs 17:6, 6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers. - ESV

How can that be, you ask? Well, have you heard testimonies where most Moms and their children may not have the best relationship but once a child is born brings the new parents and grandparents closer together?

Whether most Dads admit it or not, their daughters will always be their little girls and never want them to leave them. Its natural to be over protective from some guy who may not treat their little girl like a gentleman.

At seminary we studied a subject on all age groups in ministry called, One Church and Four Generations by Gary L. McIntosh. Its a great book. There was an analysis of 3 generations, Bridgers, Generation Y and Millenials, these 3 groups were born between 1984 and 2002.

Putting the generational theory aside;

Many Christians in these time, including many men and women in their 20s and 30s, who live in the metropolitan cities, have graduated from college but are still living at home because of the real estate market, they cannot afford to own a home, or barely have savings. The 20s and 30s generation are more diverse today and instead of being told information, want to receive information from research and beyond. They are more technical saavy.

Many women in their 20s and 30s are opting not to have children right way for many reasons. Many women want to get their ministry or careers on track and not have to depend on a man, only God.

Other young women enjoy being married to most older men because their husbands are spiritually mature in Christ, are established in their ministries or work careers, whether they are rich or not, and enjoy raising their children in a Christian foundational home. Many women find that security in a husband with a Christian foundation means more than material security.

There are many Christian men and woman who want to settle down but get discouraged, "where are all the Godly men and women?" Would you believe many of these Christian men and women are sitting at home, reading a good book, watching a good Christian movie, attending Bible studies or tending to community ministry. They are praying the Lord will send them a Godly person to love and marry. The sad part is, we are humans and the feeling of loneliness does set in, even for Christians.

But what about Paul who teaches about remaining single in 1 Corinthians 7:8, To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

Thats another topic. We're discussing Moms who are "Raising Christian Girls" to one day getting married.

If there is such a saying as, "maybe women arent supposed to be smart, just pretty." To a Godly man who truly honors God's creation find women are attractive inside and begin to show outside because of their relationship with Christ. Women who truly fear the Lord reveal their wisdom, which is remarkably smart. Godly men rise up and view women they marry as their partner, or help mate.

Ironically, My wife and I are opposite of my post. We get along great, we argue, disagree, she outsmarts me, we are one year apart, she has grown so much in Christ, that after 33 years of marriage she is more beautiful to me than the first day I met her in April, 1984.

Back in 1999, as Christians, we almost divorced after 14 years of marriage and went to marriage counseling. All of this took time and the Lord delivered us. We forgave each other, reconciled and received restoration. Our God is an Awesome God! Our love is so much stronger today because we got through the tough times, together.

Please go back and look at the most and many. This doesn't mean this represents every man and woman regardless of generation. I'm only sharing my analysis and hard knocks in life with young men and women in the church and community.

I hope this helped a little, Lanolin, and if this opens up the topic, lets give glory to God.

God bless you and your family.
 
#7
Interesting thanks Bob. I never knew.
The only ones I see getting married these days are daughters of christian parents. Since my parents arent, I dont think I will, because I have nothing to base a christian marriage on. I also dont think having a child will mean me and my mother will be closer. Possibly she wont be mean to her grandchildren as she was to me though! You get crabby when you become a mother...its all the sleep deprivation.

Generation Y which is my generation, cannot afford new homes. Unless they want to be in debt for the rest of their lives and neglect any children they have because they are both working so darn hard just to put a roof over their heads.

For example My cousin, (not a christian, yet?) who got married has two children and they are still renting a home. While its possible to just keep renting a home, this isnt good if you want stability in childrens life, unless your landlord is really kind. The grandparents who are retired help out with babysitting but the silly thing is they sold the family home and are now renting too. They could have all just lived in the same house it was big enough! Both parents have to work full time to pay the rent out of necessity. They have moved house a few times. They got married in their late 30s actually she asked him,and soon after had children, they were living together for a while I gather.

Because I work in retirement villages, during the school holidays I kind of expect to see more grandchildren around hang ingout with their grandparents, but its eerie, there are hardly any. Its like they banned them.
 
#8
I kind of dread mothers day when it comes around because my mother is nothing like the kind christian mothers that everyone else talks about. I think shes learning to accept me for who I am though, instead of trying to control me, which she learned was quite impossible after I grew up. When people ask me why arent you married and have children I have to say well I have no idea. Ask God that one!

I even had children ask me this, which is a bit embarassing. There are so many children with absent parents that I think well whos looking after these little ones? They may have homes to go to, but their parents arent even there half the time.

It would be really interesting to find out what christian mothers do to raise their girls. Of the ones that I know, that have girls (many are raising boys) it doesnt seem they are treated that much different. The ones living in the country homeschooled theirs. Some I know were divorced and separated and raising them on their own. But they are fearful of their girls leaving them and cant face that, because after their girls have left to marry they will have nobody...as their own husbands have left too. It does seem most mothers want their girls to have an education though and dont want them to marry.

However i have a friend that told me her mother wanted her to sleep with her boyfriend and have a baby so she could have a grandchild. Her mother is supposedly a christian but people can be churchgoers and not actually be born again. So naively she just did as her mother said, had a son, but the boyfriend left (cheated with another girl) they are all living together and the grandson is now 19 and man of the house. This friend does not know her own dad. He took off soon after she and her brother were born. This friend has now just recently graduated university and found a full time job after all these years. She had some mean teachers at high school who didnt think she would amount to anything.
 
Last edited:
#9
Actually I thought it was just me that sat at home with a good book because when I worked at the library i didnt really see any christian men at all. I concluded they were all overseas (where they could afford to live cheaply) or on missions. The ones I did see were already married. And then for some strange reason churches always seem to have womens groups that men arent allowed to go to. Although the one time I did go to a bible study that actually had only guys in it, I didnt go back because the man leading it didnt pray and talked all the time so I couldnt really get a word in. He had it in his flat and the flat, well it was a bit of a mess and the dog would come in and well, it was one of those pitbulls.
 
Amens/Likes: bobinfaith
#10
Almost Every single christian book I read mentions that the christian girls that got married met their spouse while they were in bible college. Their husbands became pastors and some girls didnt even graduate, because by becoming a pastors wife, they didnt feel they needed to?!

I thought ok is that how it works...

I find it interesting that in college (or university) you meet your spouse because when I was at university nobody I knew would dream of getting married as everyone was just deep in debt, you have to pay your student loan off first before you can even think of buying a first home. And you were too busy studying to bother with going out, as the univerisities had changed their semesters to make them as intense and as stress filled as possible to churn more graduates out. By the time you enter the workforce, you are too tired working all day full time to bother going out to meet anyone as well. And going out with a workmate is just weird. Also when you enter the workforce and you are single, all the older guys who are single just pounce on you, its like theres the single girl, lets harass her.

The last wedding I went to, it was a church members son marrying. The couple did meet at university and were dating and both are christians, and they are in their twenties, the husband is a computer engineer and the wife was training to be a teacher, however, she couldnt graduate from teaching as she failed her exam. The husband has a job but the wife doesnt, but they do have a house, except now they are deep in debt on just one income. How did they get the house, well sons parents paid the deposit, it wasnt actually the couples choice because the house is basically a dump and needs a lot of renovation to even make it livable. So the poor wife was stuck in this damp, unlivable home, unemployed while her husband goes to work to pay it all off. They dont have any children (yet). Recently they both moved back into the sons parents home to stay just because its warm. The wife is now studying something else hoping to graduate and find a job in that field, but it does mean her earlier higher education wont pay off and she has to pay more student fees.

She was understandbly depressed because of the whole situation and being solely dependent on her husband to provide. I think their marriage will become stronger because of this perhaps but this isnt the first Ive heard of married couples moving back in with their parents cos they just cant afford their own place. This is ok if the daughter in law gets along with her mother in law though. If not, there will be trouble.

The church members daughter, well she is married, but living overseas with her husband, and they are both christians, but they dont have children because they cant afford to. They have dogs. The husband did not have a job for long while, i know this because the mum was always asking for prayer about that. Well now he has one and so they both have jobs. The strange thing was the mum didnt seem happy her son in law was studying a theology degree. What job can he get with that, she was rather dismissive of it.

I thought the mum would be happy her daughter was married but it seem her son in law can do no right in her eyes. But her daughter chose to be with him, so...? I dont understand this.
 

bobinfaith

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 15, 2010
1,076
2,122
113
61
Daly City, California
www.livingstoneministries.com
#11
Although the one time I did go to a bible study that actually had only guys in it, I didnt go back because the man leading it didnt pray and talked all the time so I couldnt really get a word in. He had it in his flat and the flat, well it was a bit of a mess and the dog would come in and well, it was one of those pitbulls.
Hello Lanolin;

I'm sorry but had to laugh at your quote. Seriously though, it may have been wise not to return. If it was held in the church with the pastor or church leader present would be more appropriate if it was all men. I'm sure you mentioned you are attending studies with mixed men and women, besides women's groups.

I feel in many ways your Dad and Mom had good moments through the years raising their children. For example, after sharing about you and your Dad, to me that is a good testimony.

My Dad and I have two things we shared together, music and baseball. We both appreciate good music and I love to listen to lots of Christian music. He introduced me to baseball growing up and today I still enjoy the game.

When we lived in England I played cricket but still don't fully understand the game.

After reading about the people and their lives that surround you, Lanolin, there was also and (still may be) a season your parents raised you and your siblings, but now that you are on your own, God is still mapping your whole life in front of you, as you develop your story (testimony) for Christ and "your" future family one day.

Jeremiah 10:23, 23 I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.


Jeremiah was praying to God over so many issues with namads predicting, walking and acting in their own ways not of God. But Jeremiah was acknowledging God's ability to direct our lives, visions and future beyond our abilities. Jeremiah also confessed that we underestimate God's power and plans, therefore, we are to allow God to direct our plans and fill us with wisdom if we are willing, as God goes ahead of us.


God bless you and your family.
 
#12
I guess, God has a new plan for me now and I need to forsake my birth parents plans for my Heavenly Fathers plans. And also maybe I just cant compare myself to those who were raised in church or by christian parents because each child will grow to be an adult and become responsible for their own choices in life and I suppose those led by the Lord will just grow into their destiny irrespective of how they were raised before they were born again.

Mary the mother of Jesus, maybe she did have daughters? But the bible hardly mentions them.
Neither does it say who Martha or Mary's mother was.
naomi it seems didnt have her own daughters, but she gained one in Ruth who chose to stay with her.
Esther was an orphan, she married a King, but he didnt know she was jewish.
Dinah was in love but her brothers werent happy with her choice. It doesnt say what Leah thought...
Jobs three daughters are mentioned as the fairest in the land. But wasnt their mother the one that wanted Job to curse God and die?
Jezebel's daughter athaliah was an enfant terrible.
There were five daughters in the book of Numbers who petitioned Moses regarding their inheritance.
A sacrifice for a daughter is not as much as for a son.
Jepthahs daughter was offered as a sacrifice which meant she would never marry.

All these daughters in the bible...
 
#13
My mum did give me some wisdom though. Its better to be single than married to a horrible man. And I have been out with a number of men that would have made terrible husbands. But then sometimes I think maybe its me, that I would make a horrible wife! Although, how hard can it be to be a wife. Maybe the role of husband is harder?

Nowadays people just have 'partners' so, even if someone is married or civil unionised, I think its called. Or de facto. I have noticed that some men act like wives and some women wear the pants and act like the husband. Obviously this is not Gods design, but its so common these days and I see it even happen amongst christian married couples although some I do suspect are unequally yoked.
 
#14
I have this workmate who is trying to convince me that I am going to marry him. I think he is teasing me because it so would not work. For a start he is not a believer. Or if he is its not obvious. Plus he smokes a lot and I cant stand that.
And hes gone out with maybe a hundred girls previously, which means to say, hes been around the block.

He kept trying to say 'if if fell for you or you fell for me' but whats all this about falling? It made me think what kind of fool gets married, someone who falls for someone? We are not even friends because one time I suggested that maybe he could conisder that sinceif we get on as workmates we could be friends but hes like adamant he doesnt dont have any friends (despite 500 on facebook, of which I am not his) and so what kind of person who thinks about marrying would not even consider his future wife his friend?! makes zero sense.

Anyway its really silly. Just because a girl is single doesnt mean when she talks to someone else of the opposite sex who is, that she is going to marry them. Ai. Although, i have heard that some women just settle. First guy that asks. But whats fun about being the wife of someone you hardly know and not even get along with. Is being single THAT bad?
 
Amens/Likes: Cturtle
#15
Jane Austen, who wrote Pride and Prejudice, never married I recall.
I read a christian book once that was like a dating book, and it kept quoting PRide and Prejudice, as if the made up character of Mr Darcy was every girls dream christian husband. I am not sure about this. Maybe back in the day when you lived in Georgian times. But sometimes I think its more about money and property than the character of the person. After all, Elizabeth the heroine only considered Mr Darcys proposal after she saw his huge estate, which if she married him, she would become mistress of.
 

Fish Catcher Jim

<>< Radically Saved ><>
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 7, 2015
10,595
12,945
113
59
#16
One must raise up a girl to be a Godly Woman.
Proverbs is full of how she should be.
It's not that difficult.
Blessings
 
Amens/Likes: Cturtle

Fish Catcher Jim

<>< Radically Saved ><>
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Feb 7, 2015
10,595
12,945
113
59
#17
I kind of dread mothers day when it comes around because my mother is nothing like the kind christian mothers that everyone else talks about. I think shes learning to accept me for who I am though, instead of trying to control me, which she learned was quite impossible after I grew up. When people ask me why arent you married and have children I have to say well I have no idea. Ask God that one!
Biblically speaking....dred is a form of fear.
Love keeps no record of wrongs nor puts itself above anyone.

Instead of pointing out the faults of your mom you should be walking in Love and allowing the Love of God draw your mom in.
God's not holding anything against her and loves her dearly.
Blessings
 

Cturtle

Senior Moderator / Secretary
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Secretary
Feb 11, 2015
8,124
11,848
113
Usa
#18
My mum did give me some wisdom though. Its better to be single than married to a horrible man. And I have been out with a number of men that would have made terrible husbands. But then sometimes I think maybe its me, that I would make a horrible wife! Although, how hard can it be to be a wife. Maybe the role of husband is harder?

Nowadays people just have 'partners' so, even if someone is married or civil unionised, I think its called. Or de facto. I have noticed that some men act like wives and some women wear the pants and act like the husband. Obviously this is not Gods design, but its so common these days and I see it even happen amongst christian married couples although some I do suspect are unequally yoked.
For me... the best examples of proper wives and husband relationships are ones shown in the Word. God has a perfect plan for how marriage should be. Husbands and wives in my opinion should be best friends first and lovers second. For there will be times when if the couple had not been friends, their relationship would have crumbled. The biggest thing that each one should realize is that Jesus and their relationship with Him should be first. For that relationship with Jesus and being obedient to walk His ways are the very foundation of marriage or any relationship.

Way to many believers try to pattern their relationships and marriages after the world 's standards and that's where they go completely wrong. They forget to ask God if the one they think they have "fallen" for, is thee right one that he has for them... they join together with one whom He has not ordained for them and thus make some pretty big mistakes. Our lives should be centered around the Bible... He will tell us how to live each part of it, if we listen and obey.

You my dear friend Lanolin enjoy the Word so much... stick with it to lead you in everything... He will never steer you in the wrong direction. And only read outside books if the Father leads you to :)

Fallen for is just a worldly term describing one who allows their emotions to be the sole deciding factor in who one marries or dates. It's so loose and shallow... it should not even be in a believers life

Blessings
 

Cturtle

Senior Moderator / Secretary
Staff member
Senior Moderator
Secretary
Feb 11, 2015
8,124
11,848
113
Usa
#19
Question...for christian mothers raising daughters. Do you raise your daughters to be mothers and submit to a man who will be their husband?
Yes
It all depends upon what God's plan for their life is. So honestly a girl should be raised with the ability to put God first and then seek Him for what He has planned for her life. Some women can be fully committed to God and enjoy being single. Some women are wired for being a wife and mother, and the caretaker/nurturer of the family. And if that is God's plan for her then she should acknowledge and respect the authority that God has given to her husband.

God has one design for marriages. The man is the head of the house. And in Biblical times the man was the priest of the household. As it still should be today. God puts those with different strengths together. They should work as a team together with the wife understanding and being submissive to the role that God has given to her husband. All according to the Word of God.

God started this human race with one man and one woman. In Genesis it says that it's not good for man to be alone, so He made Eve as a helper suitable for Adam. One he could communicate with and share his life with. One who covers his weaknesses and he covers hers. A couple who can and will compliment each other. God is all about partnership and relationships. Ones that He ordains and puts together. Those relationships are ones that are mighty and powerful for His purposes.
 
Amens/Likes: Fish Catcher Jim
#20
Do you have daughters Cturtle. How do you know what way she is 'wired' .

It seems I am designated caretaker of my parents. But I wasnt raised in a christian household, so I wonder if thats normal for one daughter to go off and marry and one to stay home. What if you only have one daughter. Is she mesnt to stay home. I once wwoofed with a christian family that had 10 daughters and 1 son. That was interesting. It was on a farm and all the girls helped out, although some of the older ones left for another job or got married and had children, but I wonder if the son is the one who will inherit the farm. They were all homeschooled. And they were quite strict although, the mother was a bit harried because her wider family shunned her for choosing this lifestyle. Apparently she gave up her musical career for motherhood, she could have been like a concert pianist or something. He reldest daughter was 28 or something snd her youngest was 4. I thought that was ....different.