Urgent question: How do I go on from here?

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Urgent question: How do I go on from here?

Hi. I've been dealing with depression, and I almost escaped from it, but I feel worse than before again, I feel betrayed, I feel used, and just plain horrible.. Let me tell you why;

It started out as this.

I didn't see the reason to hang on to life anymore, and I prayed for God, to bring someone in my life that I could love, that would love me, and who I could be happy with. The very next day, I had a friend invite on some community site, by some girl. It took me like a week to understand what just happened, and I added her on MSN, we started talking, and she told me she liked me. I asked her to hang out some times, and our first 'date' was magical, literally the best day of my life.

We both were in love with each other, and we barely spoke, but her love stroked eyes told me enough. We kept on hanging out, till our first kiss, which was amazing as well. I didn't feel anything of the depression I have for a long time, but then, I was stupid enough to ask her to sleep over sometimes, not for the sex (I don't want before marriage, and she knows that), but to get to know her better. She told me she'd rather not, because she was afraid of what people might think of us. A few text messages later she told me that she would sleep over with her girlfriend a few days later. And as I read that, something within me snapped. I was so unsure of her, and us as in a relationship.

I fell back in my depression, and in another sad mood, I wanted to text my friend about how I felt about the girl, and how unsure I was, but I accidentally sent it to the girl herself. She really did not appreciate it, and she didn't understand, so we had a conversation a few days later. I explained her everything, and she told me she truly loved me. Unfortunately, she stopped saying sweet things to me, something which I got used to.. I fell back even further into my depression, and we hung out last Sunday. We have been lying on my bed, tongue kissing for literally four hours straight, but I felt like something wasn't right, so I kept my mouth closed, but she pushed her tongue through my closed lips. I don't know why but it just didn't feel right anymore.. She enjoyed it though.

That evening I got a text from her, she said she had to say something, which was quite hard for her to do, and it was something she had thought about for a long time. I asked her if everything was going to be alright, and the next morning, she texted me that 'we could still be friends, but no more than that'. I have been crying for three days straight, barely ate anything, and spent most of my days in bed. I asked her to explain why, and we decided to have another talk..

That talk was just plain horrible. She told me, without feeling bad in any way, or feeling sorry, that I wasn't the boy she got to know anymore. I had been kind of depressed since that text, so I think that would be about two weeks, which isn't too long for what I'm used to. But she said, she's only 15, and there is SO much more in life for her, and she couldn't handle how I was always that sad. She also said I never told her why I was sad. I really don't understand this, because I only told her once I didn't feel right.

Anyway, she said we could still be friends, but I told her I can't be friends with someone who has betrayed me, used me, and lied to me. She didn't understand, and she just said sorry, and walked away. I just sat on the bench we had that conversation for about a hour, and cried like never before. I kept on texting her, and told her how I felt. We decided to have another chat, she didn't think it would change anything anymore, but if it made me feel better, it was okay.

So I emptied my hart to her. I told her the story of my life, my failed suicide attempts, the miraculous way I had met her, and she was just like 'wow', and she was kind of.. quiet for a minute.. I think it really touched her, and I asked her to still be friends, but I don't know if I have made the right decision here.

She means to much to me to just let her go, even though I don't seem to mean anything to her. Everything I've sacrificed for her, every sweet thing I said, every date we had.. Everything felt like it never meant anything, but I just keep on getting flashbacks from our first date, which was the best day of my life. When I just think of her cute face, on our first date, how bad I just wanted to hold her hand, how much I wanted to kiss her, how she felt the same. I don't know why she did this to me. When someone doesn't feel right, you support him, instead of just dropping him, right?

Was she not the right one for me anyway? If she wasn't, I KNOW it's my own fault, because I prayed to God to give her to me, and He did, even though He knew what pain this was going to cause. A few minutes before that last talk we had, in which I told her we could still be friends, I prayed to God again. I asked Him, that if she still has feelings for me, or if we can still become more than friends someday, that she would accept my request to still become friends, and if she didn't feel anything, or if we could never become more than friends, that she would just decline.

She accepted. Is she the one? Am I looking at this the wrong way? What should I do? I love her for the person she is, and I can forgive her for the pain she has caused to me the past few days, but every single friend, or contact I ask about this, tells me to just drop her. 'She abandoned me when I needed her the most, so you deserve better!' is what they say. What do you think? I don't know if I will ever get over this.. I just opened my heart to someone, the first person I have ever loved as more than a friend, and she just abuses my love, because she enjoys kissing (at least, by the looks of it!), and it ends like this. It just doesn't feel right..!

Any help would be appreciated a LOT! Thanks in advance :).


You covered a lot of ground in that post and many points could be addressed but let me just offer this; when I was a young man I was in love and the girl broke it off with me. I was devastated and thought my world would end- it didn't. Later I met my wife of now 30+ years. If I hadn't lost that other one I would have missed my true soul mate whom I love more every day.

One question- have you given your life to Jesus, received His forgiveness and asked Him to be Lord of your life?

One suggestion- call a local church and ask for some counseling. Most are well equipped to do this.

You are in my prayers my friend.
So sorry you're going through all of this.

In your post, you said she was 15, so I'm thinking that you probably aren't much older than that right?

At your age, you should be with friends, enjoying yourself. Sure, I know that it's about your age when girls and "girlfriends" are pretty much on your mind all the time. But trust me when I tell you, that you are no where near ready for a "love" relationship. Really being in love, for the both of you, takes years of wisdom to know what "true" love really is and what it takes from both parties to make the relationship work. It's something that is learned.

Another thing about girls, and I can say this, because I am one, is when we are young (I'm talking her age), we're not capable of being in a serious relationship... not at that age. We're silly, we pass notes in class, we are constantly on the phone (or in this age texting) our best friends. We're more worried about clothes, purses, hairdos, etc., than anything else. What you would think she's calling love at her age, is more than likely "like a lot". I'm not saying all girls at that age are like this, but definitely the majortiy of girls that age.

What do you do for fun? Do you like sports, video games. Do you have guy friends that you can hang out with and have some fun.

If you're not already, get involved with your youth group at church. If you don't have one, try to find one. You'll be surprised at how much fun they can be.

Try to stop focusing on "love" right now. Trust me when I tell you, you have so much time for that.

And if you are trying to stay away from sex until you're married, laying on the bed tongue kissing for four hours, is not only the worst thing you can do to accomplish this, you're literally tempting and torturing yourself. You're human. You have hormones that don't care what your devotions are.

God loves you. Just the fact that you are praying to Him tells me that you are going to be fine. If you stick with Him, you can't go wrong. Maybe stop trying so hard to find "the" girl and just be young and ask the Lord to guide your life as to His will, which will always be what's best for you. I promise.

As for your depression, I think you should read what "GodBe4Me" wrote in this link. It's a great prayer, great scriptures and great advice on fighting depression.


I will be praying for you.

Hugs, Cheri


Staff Member on LOA
Well, you really gave a lot of details here. Thank you for that as we now have a something to start with.

First, let me ask you as this is the most important question. "Are you a child of God?" The answer will depend of if we can help you here. You see, if you are not a child of God, whatever we say would not apply to you. To conquer depression or anything that is not of God, we use the word of God. That is the battle weapon we (Christians) use. I, along with anyone else on this forum can give you some great advice but then if you are not a child of God through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, it will not work for you. We give all of our problems, concerns, request, and prayers for others to God and He answers them in His timing.

But let me say, that God loves you and you did not come here by accident. So, let us know that you are actually a child of God through His Son Jesus Christ and we will be looking out for your return post and we will be able to help you at that point. But I will pray that you are saved or that you have made the decision to accept Christ as your Lord and Savior.

Before I end this post for now, let me just say God did not send this person to you. I say that because God does not send anyone or anything that will put you in a position to sin. Premarital sex is a sin so God will not send anyone to you that would tempt you, excite you, entice you, provoke you. Those are all tricks of Satan.

I look forward to hearing from you again,

My dear friend,
First of all, I'm sorry you went through this, it is always hard if people you become to love step out of your live. But a very wise person I trust very much told me once: "Live is like sitting in a appartment of a train... You're just sitting in it and waiting for your own stop, and while you wait people come and sit next to you for a while and then maybe they leave, because they have to catch another train." It always sticked to me, because I am such a person. And you are such a person. And Cheri is such a person. You get the picture? We all are ,zoom-inners' and ,zoom-outers'.
Once you look at it like this, it is easier to let go of people, because you wouldn't want someone you love to miss their train, would you? And you know, sometimes they even come back... and sit with you for a while again.
Think about it, when have you ,zoomed-out' of someones live, because you had to go in a other direction? Was that person maybe hurt? Why was she/he hurt? Did you meet them again later?

Growing up is wonderful and I know, that you probably think I am crazy, but know that I'm 21 I look back and I see that everything happend just right, the way God wanted it to be. Because I'm at the place I should be.
If you are not born again in Christ yet brother I pray you will... Because the most amazing thing is to know that God loves and cares for you. Learn to put all your worries into his hands, because he loves you so much that he will fix everything. And what I mean by this also is: God inteded for this to happen. I don't know why, I don't know what he wants you to learn from this.
Maybe, if God doesn't anwser you ask the wrong questions.
Instead of saying you were wrong, ask him "Father, what did you want me to learn from this?", "Lord heal my heart and help me to get over this sadness". Don't concentrate on this girl or your own wishes...
Try to see what the Lord wants you to do.
AND I know that isn't always easy, but it is worth it and remember:

GOD knew and loved you from the beginning of time
HE had a plan for you back then already and that plan existst still
Not only is Jesus in OUR hearts... But we are also in HIS heart the second we accept his sacrifice.
HE loves you and knows you probably better then you know yourself and if this is not the Girl he wanted you to be with, then there is another one waiting out there and this expreriance was nessesairy for it to happen.

And something else I've learned that helped me a lot to understand prayer and the Phrase: love everybody like yourself, was:
Don't try to convince her, pray for her. Pray that she may be blessed, pray for the Lord to change YOUR heart and HER heart... Only the Lord can change us. Not people.

I hope this was a little help
Just never loose hope... When we are sad and have bad times and it feels like God isn't with us, he tests our faith - Because HE is always with you. And he will never ever turn his back on you and walk away. The only one that can do that, is you.
And even then I don't believe that he would ignore a desperate prayer.
He couldn't because his love is soooo amazing and everlasting that he couldn't just ignore it

your sis