Y'all might be in the wrong church if:

#1
Y'all might be in the wrong church if:

  • You have to pass through a metal detector to get inside.
  • The choir performs "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" - as a polka!
  • They believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of Church and state.
  • A week before Christmas the minister announces the church will be "closed for the holidays."
  • The missions budget just got cut in half, but the church treasurer just bought a new Harley.
  • New "Purpose-Driven" mission statement includes vague reference to Jell-O-wrestling.
  • On your second Sunday as a visitor they ask you to be their minister.
  • On the offering envelopes is printed "Please make checks payable directly to the minister."
  • The organist is Boris Karloff or appears to be his stunt double.
  • The floral arrangement on the altar is in the shape of a big horseshoe... that reads "Hollywood Park."
  • Everyone is handcuffed together at the ankles before preaching starts.
  • You are the only person in the sanctuary and it's 15 minutes after church is scheduled to start.
  • The confessional has a coin slot and a hand lever.
  • The baptismal fountain has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two or three seated adults, and looks suspiciously like a Jacuzzi.
  • Bill Clinton is the speaker of the day and his topic is "Morality In America - How To Be A Shining Example".
  • The minister falls asleep while delivering his own sermon.
  • The ushers passing around the offering basket are wearing ski masks.
  • The Bible they use is the Dr. Seuss version.
  • The Choir wears black leather robes.
  • The offering plate has been passed three times and the sermon hasn't even begun yet.
  • When the choir sings, the dogs outside begin to howl, and are closer to being in tune.
  • New member candidates are required to submit W-2's for the last 5 years and the media refers to the church facilities as a "compound"
;)
 
#2
Hey Paddy .... That's ok .... I don't think I want to be a member of that church anyways .... too many rules .... Ha ha :D:D
 
#3
You know what the sad part is?

A friend of mine use to go to a Church that told her to bring in her W-2 form and they would let her know what her tithe should be. :(


I wonder if there really is a Church where the Choir wears black leather robes. :confused:
I might fit right in there. :D
 
B

Boanerges(Inactive)

Guest
#4
In this crazy world some might have pink leather robes- ya never know.
 
#8
  • The baptismal fountain has bubbling water, is large enough to hold two or three seated adults, and looks suspiciously like a Jacuzzi.
;)
where is that church how do i get there and how manny times can i be "baptized" and how long does it take to be "baptized there? lol (on a side note i was actually baptized in a hot tub in the middle of winter lol)
 
B

Boanerges(Inactive)

Guest
#11
While I would not join that church I might be persuaded to use the Jacuzzi!:D:p:)
 
#13
(on a side note i was actually baptized in a hot tub in the middle of winter lol)
I was also babtised in winter - not hot tub so. That's for sissys....:D!
You breath in so hard that the Holy Spirit has no choice but get right into you by suction...:smile_anim:

I won't forget it - that's for sure...

Greetings

Roland
 

chili

Senior Moderator
Staff member
Senior Moderator
#14
LOL.
the church I'm now in wants us to do street evangelism on the week before.

Nope.....you want to do your ministry all year long:cool: little by little or by bunches. Seeds planted all year long will do more harvest than crammin it in 1 week. :D Even if ya got 1 seed planted all year long and it sprouts that is better than than 1 week of crammin, + you can water that seed with some words of God:shepherd: yeah that's the ticket.
God Bless you

Chili out