I came on this site roughly around the time I attempted a "food" fast. As many of you know, I have struggled with an eating disorder and thus, I was not able to complete that type of fast. I decided to fast on other things; I deactivated my Facebook after some time in prayer, gave up drinking, dating, and one other thing I am choosing not to mention. My primary goal was and is to build my relationship with the Lord in a way that I never have before.
Disclosure: I am not saying that any of you will....but please do not judge my type of fast, saying that it should be "easy" or "come naturally" as I am following Christ. I have just recently (past 6 mo.-1 year) taken my walk with the Lord seriously and therefore, am slowly eliminating things of the "world". What I did recently, that I did not anticipate, was completely cut off the world.
I went from being an extrovert, going out multiple times a week and every weekend, barely being at home, going on dates left and right, to staying at home and sometimes not leaving the house for days in a row. I thought to myself:
-What is the point of going out with certain friends to the bar if I'm not going to drink? So no bars.
-What is the point in hanging out with wordly friends if they will only question my faith as opposed to strengthen it? So I've ceased most communication with them.
-What is the point in this fast if I substitute it with other things that fill up my time? Nothing. In that case it's a self-righteous attempt to say "I was strong enough to do this." Or as our pastor said about a food fast "...a little more than a diet."
Essentially, one thing led to another. Deactivation of Facebook, meant very little communication and giving up drinking and dating meant not accepting many invites that would come my way outside of FB.
I am now going through a deep depression and mood swings. I go from wanting to die one day, to feeling whole and new the next. I am going through a deep spiritual battle and beginning to question many things I hadn't before. I assume this comes with the territory since I have begun to read the bible and take my faith seriously, but it is still tough. I feel horrible for ever doubting my faith.
My question is why am I going through this? I thought that daily (sometimes ALL DAY) prayer and communication with our Lord and Savior, reading the bible, and eliminating most worldly influences would strengthen and renew my faith. Instead I feel extreme ups and downs, a spiritual battle within me, and condemnation for the smallest things.
I would greatly appreciate your opinion, advice, and/or insight to what you think might be going on. Thanks you in advance.
Disclosure: I am not saying that any of you will....but please do not judge my type of fast, saying that it should be "easy" or "come naturally" as I am following Christ. I have just recently (past 6 mo.-1 year) taken my walk with the Lord seriously and therefore, am slowly eliminating things of the "world". What I did recently, that I did not anticipate, was completely cut off the world.
I went from being an extrovert, going out multiple times a week and every weekend, barely being at home, going on dates left and right, to staying at home and sometimes not leaving the house for days in a row. I thought to myself:
-What is the point of going out with certain friends to the bar if I'm not going to drink? So no bars.
-What is the point in hanging out with wordly friends if they will only question my faith as opposed to strengthen it? So I've ceased most communication with them.
-What is the point in this fast if I substitute it with other things that fill up my time? Nothing. In that case it's a self-righteous attempt to say "I was strong enough to do this." Or as our pastor said about a food fast "...a little more than a diet."
Essentially, one thing led to another. Deactivation of Facebook, meant very little communication and giving up drinking and dating meant not accepting many invites that would come my way outside of FB.
I am now going through a deep depression and mood swings. I go from wanting to die one day, to feeling whole and new the next. I am going through a deep spiritual battle and beginning to question many things I hadn't before. I assume this comes with the territory since I have begun to read the bible and take my faith seriously, but it is still tough. I feel horrible for ever doubting my faith.
My question is why am I going through this? I thought that daily (sometimes ALL DAY) prayer and communication with our Lord and Savior, reading the bible, and eliminating most worldly influences would strengthen and renew my faith. Instead I feel extreme ups and downs, a spiritual battle within me, and condemnation for the smallest things.
I would greatly appreciate your opinion, advice, and/or insight to what you think might be going on. Thanks you in advance.