How do you correct a distorted view of God? Because out of this view we trust or do not trust we are loved, we don't find the power to overcome sin, - it is basically a test of our faith. Right?
I read, I constantly pray, I talk with other brothers in the faith, and yet something in my childhood still haunts me today in the form of not trusting God. My dad was hard to know love from until I got a certain age. Usually it's the other way around. But I was very fearful of dad's anger, because he reproved us without assuring his love afterwards. Plus he has a strong will that I don't have. Willpower is great, but he never understood why I couldn't do certain things. I never measured up, and I felt I had to.
Plus, my first choice for a church ended up being a hell-fire fist shaker type of church.
I did receive a lot of love and acceptance from my mom. I'm not trying to be hard on dad, I love him dearly and he provided for the family in so many ways. Parents aren't perfect. But actions take their toll on the children. I look at God the way I viewed my dad when I was young - to this day I do. And I, as a result, struggle with the simple notion that God loves me and thinks I am precious. I NEED to believe it, but I struggle with the whole idea.
So will it just take more of the same plus time? I sure hope so. Time to grow up? I'd LOVE TO!! But some childhood fears are strong and go to the core of an individual. I pray for grace so I can believe in God's love, instead of believing He is indifferent to me.
I read, I constantly pray, I talk with other brothers in the faith, and yet something in my childhood still haunts me today in the form of not trusting God. My dad was hard to know love from until I got a certain age. Usually it's the other way around. But I was very fearful of dad's anger, because he reproved us without assuring his love afterwards. Plus he has a strong will that I don't have. Willpower is great, but he never understood why I couldn't do certain things. I never measured up, and I felt I had to.
Plus, my first choice for a church ended up being a hell-fire fist shaker type of church.
I did receive a lot of love and acceptance from my mom. I'm not trying to be hard on dad, I love him dearly and he provided for the family in so many ways. Parents aren't perfect. But actions take their toll on the children. I look at God the way I viewed my dad when I was young - to this day I do. And I, as a result, struggle with the simple notion that God loves me and thinks I am precious. I NEED to believe it, but I struggle with the whole idea.
So will it just take more of the same plus time? I sure hope so. Time to grow up? I'd LOVE TO!! But some childhood fears are strong and go to the core of an individual. I pray for grace so I can believe in God's love, instead of believing He is indifferent to me.
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