Hello there,
I received the following from a friend by email yesterday, whose mind is in turmoil at present, with the request that I read it, in order to understand his present state of mind. Having read it, I pass it on, for it may be of interest to you.
-----------------------------------
Am I Becoming Agnostic?
I’ve been so overwhelmed with details lately that I just feel like letting my brain take a little walk this morning. So come on along…
Aside from pastor friends and others who question whether I’ve lost my salvation…there is (or was, at first) a little bit of personal concern I had in my journey away from the beaten paths of institutional Christianity.
I sort of have this contradiction going on inside me where I desire to explore and blaze trails and do new things – question the status quo – but at the same time, life has conditioned me to “go along to get along.” So even while trying to be a reformer of sorts, I’ve still tended to walk well inside the lines – to “play ball” to gain favour with the powers that be. I’ve been a “good boy”. And when my conscience started dragging leading me along this different road, I quickly achieved “bad boy” status among the kinds of people who used to affirm me. So while searching for the truth inside all the mess, inside I’ve had this internal wrestling match going on as well, and seasons of second guessing – because I have this tendency to believe an authority figure who tells me I am bad, whether or not they are correct.
So, yeah – at times, I’ve questioned my own heart. Am I just being rebellious? Am I truly backsliding just because my walk of faith doesn’t look like that of the “churched” anymore? Am I losing more than just my religion?
Okay, so I’m paranoid. - Whatever.
Even so … of course I still believe. And not only that, but I have a relationship. I’ve often wondered, in fact, about people who were once Christians who now claim to be atheists or agnostics, what it is that changes their mind or heart. I might second-guess my own direction, but I think I could never second-guess the existence of God. I might get mad as hell at God when He doesn’t do what I expect Him to, but I have seen/known/experienced too much to just decide He is fictitious.
And yet … once in awhile I hear about a Christian claiming to be an agnostic or something. And at first, I’m like, ‘no you’re not‘. That’s a contradiction. I mean, isn’t that like saying, “I’m a skinny overweight person” or “I’m a conservative liberal” or “I’m a tolerant bigot?” It doesn’t make sense.
But in a book recently I saw the word “agnostic” used a little differently than I’d heard before; the book said that many Bible scholars are “agnostic” about end-time prophecy in the Bible. “Agnostic” literally means, “not knowing”. In other words, those scholars are admitting that they don’t know what the prophecies mean.
We think of an agnostic as someone who questions the existence of God, who claims not to know whether God exists – and that’s how most agnostics would describe themselves. But what about that larger meaning? What if there’s more than just the question of - if God exists – like who He is or what He is like? Or how He does what He does? Or how He can be everywhere at once, and know every thought of every person, without losing His own mind? Or how He can be a God of love and a God of judgment at the same time?
When I think of it that way, and looking at my own journey … I have to say there’s a lot I thought I knew that I really don’t. I mean, as a young zealot in the faith, I had more answers than questions; but now I have more questions than answers. And what I think I know, I don’t hold nearly so tightly as I used to. And I certainly don’t let those things define me.
Now … there are some things I believe, and some things I firmly believe, to the point of saying that I “know”. I can’t see myself being an atheist because there is this inner knowing about God’s existence that I can’t shake. To deny Him would be to deny my own convictions, my own soul.
But other things I thought I knew about Him? Things I thought were obvious that really weren’t? That’s a different story.
So I guess what I’m getting at is that perhaps there is a difference between being agnostic about certain things, and being AN agnostic – a person who is defined by what he/she does not know (specifically, questioning God’s existence).
I have to admit – for all I think I know of God, there is so much more that I do not know. So I guess, from a certain point of view I am agnostic (that is, not knowing) – even though I am not AN agnostic.
A Christian who does not know everything.
Perhaps, if we are honest, we’ll have to admit that all of us are a little bit agnostic.
------------------------------
I would appreciate your feedback.
In Christ Jesus
Chris
I received the following from a friend by email yesterday, whose mind is in turmoil at present, with the request that I read it, in order to understand his present state of mind. Having read it, I pass it on, for it may be of interest to you.
-----------------------------------
Am I Becoming Agnostic?
I’ve been so overwhelmed with details lately that I just feel like letting my brain take a little walk this morning. So come on along…
Aside from pastor friends and others who question whether I’ve lost my salvation…there is (or was, at first) a little bit of personal concern I had in my journey away from the beaten paths of institutional Christianity.
I sort of have this contradiction going on inside me where I desire to explore and blaze trails and do new things – question the status quo – but at the same time, life has conditioned me to “go along to get along.” So even while trying to be a reformer of sorts, I’ve still tended to walk well inside the lines – to “play ball” to gain favour with the powers that be. I’ve been a “good boy”. And when my conscience started dragging leading me along this different road, I quickly achieved “bad boy” status among the kinds of people who used to affirm me. So while searching for the truth inside all the mess, inside I’ve had this internal wrestling match going on as well, and seasons of second guessing – because I have this tendency to believe an authority figure who tells me I am bad, whether or not they are correct.
So, yeah – at times, I’ve questioned my own heart. Am I just being rebellious? Am I truly backsliding just because my walk of faith doesn’t look like that of the “churched” anymore? Am I losing more than just my religion?
Okay, so I’m paranoid. - Whatever.
Even so … of course I still believe. And not only that, but I have a relationship. I’ve often wondered, in fact, about people who were once Christians who now claim to be atheists or agnostics, what it is that changes their mind or heart. I might second-guess my own direction, but I think I could never second-guess the existence of God. I might get mad as hell at God when He doesn’t do what I expect Him to, but I have seen/known/experienced too much to just decide He is fictitious.
And yet … once in awhile I hear about a Christian claiming to be an agnostic or something. And at first, I’m like, ‘no you’re not‘. That’s a contradiction. I mean, isn’t that like saying, “I’m a skinny overweight person” or “I’m a conservative liberal” or “I’m a tolerant bigot?” It doesn’t make sense.
But in a book recently I saw the word “agnostic” used a little differently than I’d heard before; the book said that many Bible scholars are “agnostic” about end-time prophecy in the Bible. “Agnostic” literally means, “not knowing”. In other words, those scholars are admitting that they don’t know what the prophecies mean.
We think of an agnostic as someone who questions the existence of God, who claims not to know whether God exists – and that’s how most agnostics would describe themselves. But what about that larger meaning? What if there’s more than just the question of - if God exists – like who He is or what He is like? Or how He does what He does? Or how He can be everywhere at once, and know every thought of every person, without losing His own mind? Or how He can be a God of love and a God of judgment at the same time?
When I think of it that way, and looking at my own journey … I have to say there’s a lot I thought I knew that I really don’t. I mean, as a young zealot in the faith, I had more answers than questions; but now I have more questions than answers. And what I think I know, I don’t hold nearly so tightly as I used to. And I certainly don’t let those things define me.
Now … there are some things I believe, and some things I firmly believe, to the point of saying that I “know”. I can’t see myself being an atheist because there is this inner knowing about God’s existence that I can’t shake. To deny Him would be to deny my own convictions, my own soul.
But other things I thought I knew about Him? Things I thought were obvious that really weren’t? That’s a different story.
So I guess what I’m getting at is that perhaps there is a difference between being agnostic about certain things, and being AN agnostic – a person who is defined by what he/she does not know (specifically, questioning God’s existence).
I have to admit – for all I think I know of God, there is so much more that I do not know. So I guess, from a certain point of view I am agnostic (that is, not knowing) – even though I am not AN agnostic.
A Christian who does not know everything.
Perhaps, if we are honest, we’ll have to admit that all of us are a little bit agnostic.
------------------------------
I would appreciate your feedback.
In Christ Jesus
Chris
