Another of my problems.

Born2LoveYou

Born2LoveYou

Another of my problems.

Evening all.

Im slowly realising more problems that i have.
I have no Social skills or very little, and when i text people or IM them, it seems to them im coming over arrogant and rude.
And I think that people are thinking the worst of me.

I've got more problems than i initially thought, and i cannot live like it for much longer.

What can you suggest I do, besides Prayer, I do that alot, something i can do to help myself ?

God bless.
 
Since you are only 18, there are many things that you can do...

One thing that works well would be to find a tuitor from High School - someone that was on a debate team, school theatrical club or even an English Teacher who you may have liked, to get some coaching on self confidence, public speaking and personal presentation. This is a one to one type of education and can be of great help to you.

I'm sure others here have additional suggestions, so read these carefully and pray about them. God will show you the way, once you have a number of options.
 
Take Pastor Gary's advice. It will save you years of being misunderstood. I can tell you from my own experience that people's perception of you can be something very different than reality. To this day people think that I am teed off when I'm not. Many people see me as angry, arrogant and unapproachable. The bad part is that I didn't even realize this untill I was about 45 years old. Its better that you learn to overcome that now while you are young.

Steve
 
Basic communication with others-
Stand up straight
Look them in the eye when you are talking to them
Expect them to like you - rehearse this in your mind- I am a nice person- they should like me( this will relax you and that will cause the other person to relax)-
Listen at least as much as you talk

Try those simple steps and you will see an immediate improvement Born2LoveYou- I also reccomend reading the old tried and true book " How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegee- I hope this helps- blessings Larry
 
I agree 100% with the advice given by the previous posters but would like to add a little. I assume you belong to a church. Chat to your Pastor and explain your problem. Ask him (or her) pair you up with a prayer partner who is a mature Christian but just a few years older than you. Agree with this person that when you come over as aggressive etc he will tell you and explain to you how you could have handled the situation in a more constructive manner. We all need to learn social skills. Don't feel a failure. The very fact that you recognise the problem is a big step forward.
God bless you,
Ray
 
When you write here I have never thought you arrogant or rude.
There has been all good advice given above.

Also, is there someone you like that you can study, even without them knowing it?

Watch this person and study their speech, gestures, mannerisms, personality, expressions and so on.

Yes, just keep God in your heart and remember to stay humble, kind, caring.....

I think you are a wonderful person, but you already know that~
Love, Violet
​
 
The problem is that people who are direct and do not sugar coat things that need to be said are many times considered mean spirited by many people. Some of us have grown up in families or in neighborhoods where you had to assert yourself, or you would be ignored or worse. It is not just the words that we use, it is also our body language and tone of voice that conveys anger on occasion. Some people have spent so many years on the defensive, that it is an automatic reaction to everything. Getting out of these habits is hard because they become involuntary reactions after a while. My wife still asks me sometimes why I am getting angry when I am not. Its just the way I was brought up to talk.

Steve
 
Hey all.
Thank you for all of your replies.
Firstly, I have been brought up quite firmly with my parents but not in a bad way, So in return i am Well mannered, Caring, Kind ect.
Its my school life that has brought me down, (im guessing thats the right thing to say). And so im Very nervous, lack motivation, self esteem, low confidence and shy.
A couple of years ago i was a million times worse though, i was extremely shy.

Also, is there someone you like that you can study, even without them knowing it?

Watch this person and study their speech, gestures, mannerisms, personality, expressions and so on.
Click to expand...
I do watch how alot of people talk, express themselves ect, To me i just think i cant do that because thats not me.

I have problems with talking, which i think could be part of my problem.
When im on a forum like this one, im usually fine, when im texting or IM'ing someone thats when things go wrong.

And when im talking with someone i really struggle with words and pronounciation. And i talk very quiet, i sometimes have to repeat myself 5 times because the other person cant hear what im saying. Alot of the time, i know what i want to say, but i cant say it and loads of "goble-de-gook" comes out, lol i've tried saying things before and all you hear is a slight mumble.

Things are always on my mind or my heart and i know what im thinking, what i want to say, when the time comes to say it, i cant express what im thinking.


Thanks you all and God bless.
 
I am very shy too.
Not like I used to be.
People who met me would later tell me they thought I was stuck up before they got to know me.
I am the most unstuck up person there is!
It was all shyness.

When I said to study others, I meant as an example to follow.
True, you cannot be someone you are not.
Be true to yourself.

Are you good?
Kind, caring?
You love God? Yes, yes, yes.......
Then maybe you should refocus.

There is nothing wrong with being a man of few words.
Many very intelligent and successful people are very quiet, even timid.

Think before you speak.
say as few words as possible.
Don't be afraid to look people in the eyes.
If someone asks you "What's up", don't get flustered.
Say "Not much, how about you?"
Walk away.
Never stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.

If people misunderstand you online, and you meant no harm, then so what.
Stop worrying so much.
Anything we type can be read the wrong way.
As long as your intentions are right maybe you have to stop worrying so much what others think!
You know who you are and so does God.
Always hold your head up high, B2LY!!!:) ​
 
As some of you may know, im part of my churches worship group.
I work on the sound desk... making sure the terrible voices cant be heard lol.
But i had a vision, me up on the sound desk, on my own and shouting at them down the mic, (not litterally shouting lol).

I was half way there tonight, i worked on the sound desk tonight all alone, i personally think i done quite well, but didn't get the microphone part in... Maybe one day :)

I feel proud of myself for it :)

God bless.
 
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