I'm back people and I have some news regarding this same guy I discussed. I actually had found other christian website. i didn't mean to be like the "prodigal son" and a bad member of this chat board. I have come back unlogged in and browsed the forum since last year. I will make it my goal to browse here more often, and also come here for more guidance for my life. I need it right now.
I just wanted to update everyone on the situation. After I posted here, it seemed like me and this guy (let's call him Joe) became closer friends. I just "let it happen" and tried to not think about him, I was moving away last May because I was graduating. He is one year behind me in school. During those last few weeks the group was spending more and more time together and me and him spent a bit of time together during which he'd tell me personal stuff about his life and confided in me about something. I guess I was too scared to ask about his views on marriage and whatnot. And despite the fact I felt we were becoming more "familiar" i also noticed that for instance he'd often tell me we should do this or that together, and if I followed up on that, he was busy or something. On the last day before I was leaving, I decided, I may never see him again, so I'm just going to tell him that I like him and that he's a great person and all that stuff. I wrote him a card.
well that was last May, and his response was that we're such good friends. This to me was him saying he didn't like me like that. I am not even sure what I was expecting in telling him all that but I knew that a possible result would be that he wasn't interested in me, so I was ok with that. I guess I just felt really sentimental at the time, or I just thought he deserved to hear nice things like that, because he had made mentions of wanting a girlfriend and had complained about being single before. It was sort of a way of saying, i'm leaving town forever and there is no chance of anything ever happening between us, but you can get ANY girl you want.
During the months May through February, we had some casual contact and I live on the other side of the country. It was just some friendly occasional things, and mostly him liking what I posted on instagram. I had even FORGOT all about the card I gave him, and I remember he did tell me he still had an Easter card I had given him, and I had entirely forgot about that. I was surprised that a guy would hold on to something like that because I honestly would have thrown it away myself!
A couple months ago I was in town, and I of course wanted to see him, but I didn't want to pressure him or something. After all this, i considered him a friend. Here's where everything went bad. I included him on a GROUP email. I never contacted him individually. Joe responded almost immediately saying he wanted to hang out pretty much to every idea I suggested. One of those things included a Saturday afternoon activity. It turned out he was the only person interested in that activity. And I was too busy to deal with it (due to other stuff going on with me at the time). the day arrived and I texted him. no answer. I showed up at the place. Joe stood me up! this nice Christian guy STOOD ME UP! I wasted hours traveling to and back from the place. I didn't want to go by myself. I was very very upset. I am haunted by my past of being bullied and teased and rejected. So I felt hurt. Not to mention the fact that I felt particularly insecure about Joe because of the fact that last time I saw him in person was me telling him I liked him! I asked him what happened and he said oopsy he got the date wrong. I just let it go. I again didn't want to force anybody to do anything with me. A few days later a group activity he said he'd be at rolled around and he wasn't there either. I hadnt' contacted him at all because i didn't want to feel like I was pressuring him. I assumed that he changed his mind about seeing me at all and that I wouldn't see him during my trip. I had a lot of other people to see, so it wasn't the end of the world, and it wasn't the reason for my visit. I just could've done without beig completely stood up. It's not hard to call somebody to cancel or say you can't make it. or even text message. (in other words, I don't believe his "mixed up the date story") and any remaining interest in this guy I had over this past year was waning fast.
I realize that maybe he felt uncomfortable perhaps, but considering he told me he is holding on to keepsakes and telling me he DID want to hang out, I assumed he was telling me the truth
To my surprise, he finally did show up to a get-together with a bunch of other people from the Christian group. He came right up to me expecting me to give him a big hug and be happy to see him but I gave him a luke warm reception and was merely polite. He then glared at me and according to my other friend (not in the Christian group) he kept looking over at me the entire time. But I was just very confused and unsure. He wasn't coming up to me at all, and I was talking to everybody else who was there to see me. He sulked in the corner the whole time. Then on his way out, he stood far away from me and said sorry about Saturday, through clenched teeth.
I contacted him the next day and explained why I wasn't being "friendly" to him that night (although I honestly didn't think I needed to explain myself.. this was me giving him the benefit of the doubt). He profusely apologized about Saturday and the dinner, but he is too "sick" to do anything the next couple days. Then he proceeded to post photos and stuff to the christian group and on facebook showing how he's out playing sports and going to this big dancing party, tagging all our mutual friends. He also mentioned how he doesn't think me and him should be hanging out one-on-one because he doesn't want to "imply" a relationship. That comment implied to ME that he really DID just blow off the plans. It made me wonder why he told me in the first place he wanted to do anything, if that's how he felt.
Aside from responding to his last message, I haven't spoken to him since. A part of me wasn't even going to INCLUDE him on that group email - I was wavering back and forth about it - but I ultimately decided that I didn't want to hurt his feelings and make him feel left out if he found out that I had contacted all the other christian group friends, but not him. But I guess no good deed goes unpunished.
I'm no upset about it any more. I think being "stood up" hurt me more than anything else. What a humiliating experience to be stood up.
PS: the reason I didn't greet him with a big hug is because I was just following the standard advice about getting stood up - you are supposed to not talk to the person ever again. I was thrown off by the fact that he was showing up and pretending like nothing happened