Circumstance, Sin, Doubt

So here is my problem.......

I am 21 years old, I have many health problems most of which affect my chest and lungs and greatly limit my ability to breath which in turn limits my all around physical abilities.
I'm not bedridden or in a wheelchair and I don't have to be on oxygen all the time. I am however very limited in what I can do, something like walking from one end of my house to the next could make me out of breath.
My health isn't the problem thou, because I am so limited in what I can do I find myself with a lot of free time on my hands the majority of it alone. I get bored and find myself falling into sin, mainly sexual sin which I struggle with daily.
I hate what I do and I pray and pray and ask God to give me the strength to resist the temptations but I always find myself falling back into the same sins. It's like a constant cycle which causes me to doubt, and ask if I can be saved yet still have this sin in my life. I hear that voice in my head saying
"maybe I'm not really saved, if I was after repenting I wouldn't constantly fall back into this sin"
"Are my prayers truly sincere or am I just going threw the motions".
I confess my sins and beg that God would free me from these sins but they just don't go away. I want to be rid of this, I want to live for the Lord, I don't enjoy grieving His Spirit. I hate the fact that I even have the desires that I do but that doesn't make them go away only the Lord can and I don't know what it is I am doing wrong that He hasn't. The fact that I could so blatantly sin against God saddens and troubles me.
I try and keep my mind off stuff that would lead to sin and I try to keep busy but there is only so much I can do before I find myself bored and alone again. I would just get rid of my computer but I am going to school for Web Design and Development so you could see where that might be a problem. Even when I'm not on the computer I still have the worst influence of all, my own mind. Over the years of not having anything to do and not being able to do anything I learn to entertain myself and developed a very active imagination. I find myself daydreaming all the time and talking to myself and the conversations, scenarios, and ideas I find myself making up when I realize what I'm say or thinking are the majority of the time insane. Don't get me wrong I'm not like a schizophrenic or something, I'm just saying I don't need outside influences to find myself falling into sin.
I don't know exactly what I'm looking for posting on this forum, I guess I just thought it would be nice to write it all out. I need help and I know ultimately God is the only one that can free me from this sin and bring about a change in my life, I just pray He would do the work in me that he promised in His word.
Lonely and bored, that's always a recipe for disaster, isn't it? I'd like to get a little more detailed picture of your situation. Do you live at home, in your own place, or share a place with roommates? Do you have a church fellowship of some kind which you regularly attend? Do you have a group of friends with whom you regularly interact, and are any of them Christians? Do you have any mobility aids to help in getting around? When you need to get out and about, how do you manage that?

Sorry for all the questions, but they are parts of a picture I would like to have in getting a fuller sense of your situation and some of the resources you may have. BTW, welcome to CFS.:)
I live at home with the parents, I go to Calvary Chapel but I don't go as much as I would like, this is gonna sound lame but the seats are very hard and because I am so skinny the only position I can sit in them with out it hurting makes it so it's really hard to breath, I wouldn't mind it but I can't focus on whats being said when the whole time I'm focused on breathing. I like to get go at the very least once a month for communion and to tithe for the month, the rest of the time I listen to sermons on the CC radio station. Some times I feel like I'm using my health as an excuse not to go to church but I honestly can't focus when I can't breath, it's like everything else is just a fuzz in the background. I also feel bad because if I don't go my parents don't go, I don't want to keep them from going and I also don't want them to use me not going as an excuse to not go.

I had a group of friends Christian and non-Christian but they are all off at college and the 2 that were left just got married and moved to Kansas City. I don't really need mobility aids to get around I just have to stop every couple minutes to catch my breath. I can still get around and do stuff I just have an extremely limited energy supply because my body has to work so hard to breath. I drive anywhere I need or want to go.
Thank you for the additional information. I probably won't be able to focus on this thread until Sunday night, so I'll see you then.
This kind of issue has no "magic pill" for a quick cure - at least for most people. One of the traps of this issue is that the shame and guilt tends to cause one to distance himself from God. What a guilty conscience is designed to do, however, is to drive us to God. Satan wants us to spiral down in our shame to despair. God wants us to lean on Him.

I have a lot on my mind right now, so forgive me if I seem slow in giving this thread the attention it deserves. This is going to be a busy week for me, but I hope to gather my wits about me and we can look at some things you can do to begin the process of disentangling yourself from this.
Don't lose heart. He is the One who began this wonderful work in you, He is the One who holds you (when you are hurt) and leads you (when you are wandering in thought) and works in you to do His will. And He is the One who will finish His creation to perfection. Phil. 1:7 Is. 40:11 Ps. 23:2

Now, the key is to realize His will for your life is more than what you can accomplish in His name and its certainly more than trying not to sin. His will for your life is first and foremost to pursue and enjoy a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior. By His grace He is the One who changes and molds your will to align with His will and sin becomes the last thing on your mind. It's a transforming process by which He, the Potter, pushes and pulls and works the vessel into a useful and beautiful creation to serve the King. Is. 64:8 Phil. 2:13

I will keep you in my prayers, JoStix! :)

Xian Pugilist


There are so many different ways to approach this....

Deal with the issue?
Deal with the guilt?
Deal with the Spiritual?

I'll tell you the easiest solution, which is super easy to name, but would still be some work. Find a ministry that you enjoy that you can work on from home, that will occupy your mind and give you reward. Christian maturity comes through works, application, putting your hands to the love you profess. (you being generic, or all of us not you personally, but also you personally.)

I can relate to your problems. I have some heart issues. I went into congestive heart failure. I took myself to the E.R. at my doctors urging. I was going to wait it out at home, glad I asked the doc. Anyway, the 400 meters to get from the parking spot to the Er, I had to stop 5 times. Had I lived upstairs, I'd have not made it up when I got home.

I spent about 6 months on the threshold, and self maintenance, rest, etc... was all that kept me from going into chf earlier. During that time, I came home, and laid down with my Cpap on so I could breathe.

Dealing with the issue, has you taking charge of it. Ultimately, that will occur. But it will not be by your doing, but by His. So, I think what you should be doing is focusing on doing HIS will, find that ministry, and growing in that, it will leech the time away from the other issues.

Dealing with the guilt, has you accepting it. You are commiting a sin. Don't take this wrong, but.... big deal. God knew you would commit this sin, and how many times you would commit this sin when He accepted you. Through His grace, with His knowledge of how you would "fall/fail" He accepted you. He has a plan for you to get through it. It will be something you work through, but He will do all the work. Moses parted the red sea, except God did it, but Moses did the work, but God did it. So, do you trust God? He says....

Phi 2:4,5 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. <<<< our focus shouldn't be on our self, but on others. EVEN if you focus on your sins, to please God, it's still selfish. I am not calling you names. I'm saying that if we focus on our sins to please God we do it because we want His approval. That is selfish. What we are told here, and a billion other places is making HIM the focus, and running to HIM, not away from sin.

Phi 3:24,5 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Again, this tells me to find a ministry and go to work on it. Stop feeling guilt over something God knew about before it was done, had already forgiven you, and chose to keep you anyway. Insted of selfish guilt, focus on loving others, and carrying God's love to others as well. The more you grow there, the less the other will be a challenge.

It's called Grace. Embrace it. Stop thinking of the sin, find the service.

Don't look behind you as you drive, you'll run into a wall. Look to the horizon where the prize is and drive a straighter line.

Do you believe God can do it? Do you believe there is a God? Then let Him do HIS job and you try to learn what yours is.

If a church near you has a "Celebrate Recovery" group, you may really enjoy look into that.

Eph 4 11 And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers,
Let them do their jobs....
Which is....
12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of service,
To do what?
to the building up of the body of Christ;
How much building up????
13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the [fn5] knowledge of the Son of God,
Isn't the "WE ALL" portion the members of the body of Christ? Through works you grow in unity and knowledge of Christ.... through WORKS of service, this occurs....

How much will we change?
to a mature man,
Most translations use Perfect here. The word means finished. So we are to be changed to a FINISHED, or COMPLETE, or MATURE, or PERFECT product.

How mature is that?
to the measure
(if Jesus maturity was measured by how full a glass was, ours would be as full.)

of the stature
(if Jesus maturity was measured by the size of the glass, ours would be the same size.)

How full is that?
which belongs to the fullness of Christ.
Just in case you had doubts, it's as mature as Him. I don't think your troubles with the sin challenge would be affecting you that much...

14 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love..

Find the ministry. Find a passion. Let it be your obsession.

Until then, accept the Grace. Stop looking to the past, and look to the goal, and more importantly run to the goal. Keep your feet moving towards the goal.
Read my post in Feeling Guilty For Dealing with Lust and Temptation. Ill add that Jesus wont take away your freedom to keep sinning. You have to stop sinning for Jesus.