So here is my problem.......
I am 21 years old, I have many health problems most of which affect my chest and lungs and greatly limit my ability to breath which in turn limits my all around physical abilities.
I'm not bedridden or in a wheelchair and I don't have to be on oxygen all the time. I am however very limited in what I can do, something like walking from one end of my house to the next could make me out of breath.
My health isn't the problem thou, because I am so limited in what I can do I find myself with a lot of free time on my hands the majority of it alone. I get bored and find myself falling into sin, mainly sexual sin which I struggle with daily.
I hate what I do and I pray and pray and ask God to give me the strength to resist the temptations but I always find myself falling back into the same sins. It's like a constant cycle which causes me to doubt, and ask if I can be saved yet still have this sin in my life. I hear that voice in my head saying
and"maybe I'm not really saved, if I was after repenting I wouldn't constantly fall back into this sin"
I confess my sins and beg that God would free me from these sins but they just don't go away. I want to be rid of this, I want to live for the Lord, I don't enjoy grieving His Spirit. I hate the fact that I even have the desires that I do but that doesn't make them go away only the Lord can and I don't know what it is I am doing wrong that He hasn't. The fact that I could so blatantly sin against God saddens and troubles me."Are my prayers truly sincere or am I just going threw the motions".
I try and keep my mind off stuff that would lead to sin and I try to keep busy but there is only so much I can do before I find myself bored and alone again. I would just get rid of my computer but I am going to school for Web Design and Development so you could see where that might be a problem. Even when I'm not on the computer I still have the worst influence of all, my own mind. Over the years of not having anything to do and not being able to do anything I learn to entertain myself and developed a very active imagination. I find myself daydreaming all the time and talking to myself and the conversations, scenarios, and ideas I find myself making up when I realize what I'm say or thinking are the majority of the time insane. Don't get me wrong I'm not like a schizophrenic or something, I'm just saying I don't need outside influences to find myself falling into sin.
I don't know exactly what I'm looking for posting on this forum, I guess I just thought it would be nice to write it all out. I need help and I know ultimately God is the only one that can free me from this sin and bring about a change in my life, I just pray He would do the work in me that he promised in His word.