Is dating wrong or right?

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Staff member

The following are steps to take as a christian when you notice someone and you want to find out if this person is right/meant for you. (based on Johsua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye") The Primary example of the perfect couple in the bible is Ruth and Boaz.

1. Know Your Responsibilities to him or her.
You are not to be the focus of attention to this person you notice. You do not want to come in the way of this person and his or her relationship with God. When you are seeking for your soul mate that God has provided you with, God does not want you to interfere with that someone's relationship with him. He want's your soul mate to grow closer to HIM, not YOU. When you become closer to God, God reveals his plan to you more clearly. Boaz and Ruth is the example that Harris uses in his book.

Boaz knew that there was someone greater than him, and he was willing to get out of the way of that person that wanted to take Ruth (the redeemer had to take everything that belonged to Naomi, and Ruth 'belonged' to Naomi's son,who died, and the redeemer had to take her also.)

Ruth 3: 12 Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. 13 Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem

2.Seek A Deeper Friendship
Dating is 2 people setting specific times to do certain things alone. However, in courtship, these 2 people do not 'go out of the way' for each other. Instead, they seek a deeper friendship. Invite your 'potential partner in life' to things that you already do. For example, if you have youth club on wednesday nights, invite that person to your youth club, or if you teach sunday school, invite that person to help you. If you go bowling every Saturday night with some friends, ask this person to come. Do these things as friends, the biggest mistake is being alone with each other, because you do not know each other as friends yet.

Boaz did this by inviting Ruth to eat with him at his table. Boaz was 'the man' basically, because he owned all the land. He invited Ruth to come and eat at his table, which was like a king's table. He probably ate there all the time, he didn't get Ruth alone, and make a specific date and time just for her, but he invited her to do something that he always did.

Ruth 2 14 At mealtime Boaz said to her, "Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar."When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over.

3. "Watch, Wait and Pray"
This is what I think to be the most important step. After you found a deeper friendship with this person, it is important to observe how this friendship is going, wait for anything deeper to develop, and most importantly, pray. Pray for the relationship to get stronger and ask God if this 'relationship' pleases him.

Ruth was told by Naomi to go and lay down by Boaz, to see what he would do.

Ruth 3: 7 When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet.
9 "Who are you?" he asked. "I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer."
Then Boaz says stuff about how she's been faithful and stuff like 'you haven't chased after younger men' etc.. and then when Ruth goes back to Naomi,Ruth 3: 18- "Then Naomi said, "Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today"

4. Honoring their parents (Mostly for the guys..)
Once you know that you have found your 'other half' (if you will) honor their parents, by asking for her hand in marriage.

Boaz Honored Naomi by buying all her property and aquiring everything from her.

Ruth 4: 9 Then Boaz announced to the elders and all the people, "Today you are witnesses that I have bought from Naomi all the property of Elimelech, Kilion and Mahlon. 10 I have also acquired Ruth the Moabites, Mahlon's widow, as my wife, in order to maintain the name of the dead with his property, so that his name will not disappear from among his family or from the town records. Today you are witnesses!"
Boaz and Ruth's love story is one that I like most, pure, true and built on the foundations of respect. It is better than the hot-headed, emotional love we find among young people today, that goes as easily as it comes.
Those are some great guidelines Jeff. I need to hear stuff like that and welcome it as a matter of fact. I'm 16 so I want to start out a relationship on the right foot. I'd like it to be the guy that comes for me though as I just think it would be more proper that way, not saying that I might not have an interest in him before but....well hope I made some sense.
There's so much hurt and broken up couples it's my desire to stay pure for the Man of my dreams and wait on God!!
i'll trust in the lord to find me the right person. right now, there's no rush :) i'm putting the lord 1st & school work 2nd. to be honest, if i was in a relationship it would start with holding hands, then kissing and then i'd probably do something i'd really regret...most of my friends from the youth team @ church are single. Some are in their mid - late 20s and they've been single for ages!!! th@ really inspires me :) right now i think my relationship with Jesus would be affected if i had bf. i'd like to start dating in my mid 20s but th@ could change [Psalms 16:1 You may make your plans but God has the final say]
I like it when a writer describes a girl's heart as a 'wall', something steady and won't open easily to others except the right one.

Teens nowadays fall in love too easily.
Ah yes dating. Who doesn't like to date? I think that you should be able to. Of course I am saying it because I am a teen and teens like to date.
:) Wow. I've studied the book of Ruth several times, but never with that exact interpretation. The pastor or teacher usually focused on the lessons of faith and the family -- both important lessons, of course, but since I'm starting college this Fall the dating approach really struck home. Now I know what evidence to use when I'm giving my friends some dating-advice.

On a side note:
Mustardseed, you said that teens these days fall in love too easily.
No offense, but allow me to change your wording a little. I just graduated high school, so I've been around a lot of that lately.

"Teens these days fall too easily."

That's really all there is to it. If they're falling into anything, it's lust, or just the drive to be popular, or to have fun. It's a real shame.

To tie it back: More young people should read the book of Ruth, and really analyze it. It would solve a lot of dating problems.
I have been dating the same girl for 7 almost 8 months now. We are both virgins but... we have done things... Most of these things I know are wrong and I am going to talk to her tonight but... before I do I have one question. I know it is wrong to lust and have in-pure thoughts and take part in-pure actions but... is kissing considered an in-pure action? It's not something that I lust after but... I mean when I'm with her I'm not worried about the next kiss I'm just worried about being with her the kisses just happen.... Can anybody help me out?
my view on dating is
just being friends with the person that you happen to be interested in
in which case i've dated a lot
but i have never "dated" a girl

the world has put such a negative connotation on that word
e.g. when you date someone they're yours
no thats called marriage

i have more friends who are girls because ive dated my way
I voted "wrong." But I would like to clarify my position. I meant that "Dating" in the modern understanding of the word is wrong. Too often it is just to fit in, or trying to get some kind of gratification out of it. That's not love. Love extends outward, not inward. Courting is a much better system. ;)

Back when I was in high school, dating meant going out, getting a bite to eat, maybe a movie or some arcade video games, dancing to Wham! and Bruce Springsteen...and then dropping her off at home around 10 that night.

It means more than that today with a lot of young people.

I didn't vote, because it all depends on one's idea of "date", and who they're dating.

A nice Christian guy might find himself dating a bad non-believer. There's actually movies out there with that same plot that try to make it look cute.:eek:
I have been dating the same girl for 7 almost 8 months now. We are both virgins but... we have done things... Most of these things I know are wrong and I am going to talk to her tonight but... before I do I have one question. I know it is wrong to lust and have in-pure thoughts and take part in-pure actions but... is kissing considered an in-pure action? It's not something that I lust after but... I mean when I'm with her I'm not worried about the next kiss I'm just worried about being with her the kisses just happen.... Can anybody help me out?
I would suggest that you don't put yourselves in situations together where temptation can be easily acted on - ie don't be home alone together when you know you've got the safety of no one walking in one you.
I've read a book about dating relationships and changed my view on the dating life. In my opinion, dating is pointless. The book i've read explained it really well and gave good examples. After i read the book, I made a decision to stay single all through rest of highschool and college. The book is called, "Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris.
Ooh, boy, I have opinions on this matter.
I said it's wrong, but only in the modern connotation of the word. I had a boyfriend for 8 months, but his ideas on dating were "ok, we've been together for a while...want to have sex now?" and I already told him, "no, no, no, no, no, no, no... Did I mention NO?" :mad: As a result, I don't have a favorable idea of dating, especially if that is what it means. I'd rather spend my life as a single person than with someone who doesn't respect my purity (which he took a lot of, and I'm not happy to say it :(, but if I hadn't said no, I would've lost everything I don't doubt). I say group dating would be much better, or being around people, not just alone (I mean, you could go out and do things, but when there's no one there to stop you, temptation might give way). I agree with the standards set on the first post.
Also, to Biblethumper, I would say if a kiss is going to lead you into temptation, DO NOT DO IT. Whenever I kissed my then-boyfriend, he wouldn't restrain himself and he would just do whatever he wanted, even when I said no. While it sounds like you are more willing to exercise self-control, I would recommend to you that you do not put yourself in such a situation where you may sin.
A kiss is sinful when it is done for pleasure, rather than as a way of glorifying Christ. The early Christians used to exchange a holy kiss as a way of greeting, which is appropriate because they were in love with Christ and they loved their fellow brethren. This kiss is better than a merely sensual kiss, which can lead to a sexual arousal and possibly to more things. It is the time-old question of "how far is too far"? Probably the best thing to do is not go at all pretty much until you're married. I know a lot of people wouldn't be willing to agree with that, since they want something now. But, as it is in 1 Cor 13, love is patient. ;)
If you are going to kiss your girlfriend, do it in a way that will protect her purity and glorify God--a holy kiss, not a sensual one. If you transform your relationship into one that is pleasing with God, then it will be a beautiful thing, indeed. It sounds like you are trying very hard, and I commend you for that. I wish there were more guys like you out there. :)
Well, you have to date someone before you can marry them. How can it be wrong? I found someone special in high school, and now we're in nearby colleges, obviously too young age wise and financially to get married. What other option is there than dating? Dating is the only way to not loose her. Maybe I'll decide to cut her loose at some point, but with everything going good, what's so bad with dating?
Dating in the sense of "I'm getting to know you" is fine. But dating in the sense of "let's see how far we can go sexually" is wrong. That's all I was trying to say. ;)