Daughter called me a "pig"

Daughter called me a "pig"

I have an unusual question. Recently my 14 year old daughter called me a "pig". I am her step-dad. Her exact words were "stop being a pig!".

I told her that this was inappropriate and not to call me that again. We were having a discussion of 8 slices of pizza and how many slices each should get. I said perhaps we could divide it up by weight of the person...chidingly of course. At the time she said this, she appeared to be not in a joking mood and in fact gave me a lecture in a condescending tone of voice how I shouldn't be eating allot of pizza. Even though she was right, the point was...in my opinion her disrespectful tone and name calling was wrong. The problem...her mother who was standing right there said this was acceptable. We are in disagreement...and I am very hurt. In the past I goofed and called Jessica (step-daughter) a name which wasn't vulgar but innapropriate and I appologized...her mother agreed...and I stand corrected and repentive. It now seems like I am a door mat and everyone knows what you do with a door mat. Any advice? Am I wrong in my belief that she shouldn't be calling me a pig? We are all Christians.


R. B.

Dear R B,

I have a 15 year old daughter who can be inappropriate in her tone. It is a common problem with young ladies. You are correct in realizing that this is a respect issue. From your email I would guess that the incident with your step daughter is the secondary issue. I am guessing the primary issue was not her disrespect, but your wife’s “disrespect.â€

You should be honest with your wife and let her know that you were surprised by her “public rebuke†and took it to be disrespectful. Let her know you appreciate her respectful toward you. By the way, you should be committed to cherishing her. Men desire respect, women desire to be cherished. If she feels she needs to “correct†you, both of you should have an agreed upon way that that can happen where it is not in public and not in front of your step daughter.

I am sorry you feel like a door mat. Let me encourage you to seek the Lord and ask Him for a forgiving spirit to love and cherish your wife, no matter what.

May God’s grace and peace be with you,

Mark Strohm
I agree~the wife should be setting the example on the respect issue! Same goes for the husbands......Children will act toward the one parent just as the spouse does toward him or her~
Family Meeting

RB, you are definitely in a tough position. I do not have experience as a step-father, but I do have ample experience as a father.

I have an 11 year old daughter that will occasionally lapse into disrespectful attitudes and language. In the past, I would deal with the problem using anger, sarcasm, and long lectures. Recently, I have changed my tactic to engage my daughter's mind and conscience. Instead of the tactics above, I will now sit her down; calmly explain the problem and its effect on those around her (using scriptures and consequences); explain that it will not be tolerated in the future; then hold her accountable for her attitudes, words and actions.

It has been very trying at times, but overall the attitude has improved greatly.

My advice for you is to set yourself up as the leader of the family, and not allow your authority to be minimized because you are not the biological father. You probably need to clearly explain your circumstances to your wife, and ask for her support. Keep trying and praying!