Once I suffered in hospital. I was bleeding in my lungs, filled with panic and delirious. Many doctors, nurses and care staff were working to calm me as they literally fought to save my life.
I was not conscious but neither was I unconscious. The best way I can describe it is like a lucid dread. I could see the people around me. I could hear their voices and even speak with them but they felt far away. My body felt elongated, as if my feet were yards from my head. It was surreal.
A nurse struggled to hold a mask to my mouth as I thrashed back and forth and coughed up blood. In my delirium I felt that Satan had possessed me and that I was not just coughing up blood but also fire. I looked up from my bed and saw my wife looking back upon me in terror. Our minds connected and I knew her thoughts, "I am watching my husband die!" I saw her turn to her friend who was comforting her and beg her to leave. She could not watch me perish.
I truly thought I was dying. I truly thought I was possessed of the enemy. It was terrifying beyond belief. In this moment I had a strange thought. I felt that if anyone of the doctors, nurses or care staff would but say the name Jesus or mention God that I would be able to cast the enemy from me and leap up a healed man.
I know, how silly, but I was delirious. I was not so delirious however, to not hear the following words spoken plainly in my ear: "Thou shalt not put the Lord, thy God to the test."
Just to make sure I got it, the words were repeated twice more.
I recall plainly that my delirium broke and for several moments I became lucid. In that moment I begged God forgiveness. I told him I was sorry and repented of my ego. I recall saying, or perhaps thinking to myself, that I accepted God's will whatever it may be for me and would gladly die if it were my time. I truly believed it was. I expected to die that very night.
But God had other plans for me. This was April of 2022, more than a year ago from today.
The takeaway from this story is don't tempt God. Perhaps an analogy is required. You take out an insurance policy to protect you in case of accident. In the event of an accident, you expect to be compensated for your loss. This does not give you the right to damage your own goods to force recompense. That's fraud and it's illegal. In the same way, God loves you and deeply cares about your well being. God will send his angels to shelter you from all manner of unknown harm but this does not mean you can demand protection. This does not mean you can intentionally place yourself in harm's way, depending upon God's grace to save you. Simply put, that's spiritual fraud and a sin.
I end this note with a powerful verse from scripture:
And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. (Luke 4:9-12 AKJV)
I was not conscious but neither was I unconscious. The best way I can describe it is like a lucid dread. I could see the people around me. I could hear their voices and even speak with them but they felt far away. My body felt elongated, as if my feet were yards from my head. It was surreal.
A nurse struggled to hold a mask to my mouth as I thrashed back and forth and coughed up blood. In my delirium I felt that Satan had possessed me and that I was not just coughing up blood but also fire. I looked up from my bed and saw my wife looking back upon me in terror. Our minds connected and I knew her thoughts, "I am watching my husband die!" I saw her turn to her friend who was comforting her and beg her to leave. She could not watch me perish.
I truly thought I was dying. I truly thought I was possessed of the enemy. It was terrifying beyond belief. In this moment I had a strange thought. I felt that if anyone of the doctors, nurses or care staff would but say the name Jesus or mention God that I would be able to cast the enemy from me and leap up a healed man.
I know, how silly, but I was delirious. I was not so delirious however, to not hear the following words spoken plainly in my ear: "Thou shalt not put the Lord, thy God to the test."
Just to make sure I got it, the words were repeated twice more.
I recall plainly that my delirium broke and for several moments I became lucid. In that moment I begged God forgiveness. I told him I was sorry and repented of my ego. I recall saying, or perhaps thinking to myself, that I accepted God's will whatever it may be for me and would gladly die if it were my time. I truly believed it was. I expected to die that very night.
But God had other plans for me. This was April of 2022, more than a year ago from today.
The takeaway from this story is don't tempt God. Perhaps an analogy is required. You take out an insurance policy to protect you in case of accident. In the event of an accident, you expect to be compensated for your loss. This does not give you the right to damage your own goods to force recompense. That's fraud and it's illegal. In the same way, God loves you and deeply cares about your well being. God will send his angels to shelter you from all manner of unknown harm but this does not mean you can demand protection. This does not mean you can intentionally place yourself in harm's way, depending upon God's grace to save you. Simply put, that's spiritual fraud and a sin.
I end this note with a powerful verse from scripture:
And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. (Luke 4:9-12 AKJV)
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