Falling for a friend...

Jul 26, 2015
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#1
I have a guy friend that I've been good friends with for 6.5 yrs now. However even though it's always just been a friendship, there has always been an attraction between us in fact that's how we became friends in the first place. When we first met we liked each other but because of circumstances in our lives at the time a relationship wouldn't have worked. Eventually he got involved with another woman who he was with for 4 yrs until she broke up with him last summer. Well him and I continued being friends all throughout his relationship but since he's been single we have been getting close again and things are in place for us to be together this time. However, he is still in love with his ex and therefore not emotionally available to be with anybody other than her right now even though she doesn't want him. I've been trying to help him get through this time and even told him that he should remain single for at least a year before getting involved with someone else but I'm definitely still falling for him. I know he feels the same way about me but because of the situation with his ex he is not ready to move on just yet. My question is has anybody else been in this situation before and what should I do in the meantime? Should I continue to be a friend to him during this time even though my feelings are getting involved or stay away until he is ready to make a move with me?
 
Amens/Likes: CoffeeDrinker
#3
Uh some questions, because theres probably some things need to know before giving advice..is this guy a christian? Why didnt he marry her?

As cturtle said pray about it, but do you know what God says that friendship with the world is emnity with God? You didnt say he was a brother in Christ thats why am asking.

How is your own relationship with Jesus? Do you go by feelings or faith?

The best situation is to be still and know God.
 

Fish Catcher Jim

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#4
To get involved with him now would be very unwise.
If you hang around as buds - this too would be unwise.

Take time AWAY and seek God.
It's better then taking your life in a lesser of a direction.

Blessings
FCJ
 

AtomicSnowflake

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#5
However, he is still in love with his ex and therefore not emotionally available to be with anybody other than her right now even though she doesn't want him
There's your answer. Why do you question it? You already know the right thing to do...
He needs to "heal", grow, learn, and move forward. Involvement right now would not be fair to any of the three of you. Seek God's will and timing.
Spend you time with God, pray, read, ask, thank Him, and believe.
God bless :)
 
Amens/Likes: Monet and Cturtle
Jul 26, 2015
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#6
Uh some questions, because theres probably some things need to know before giving advice..is this guy a christian? Why didnt he marry her?

As cturtle said pray about it, but do you know what God says that friendship with the world is emnity with God? You didnt say he was a brother in Christ thats why am asking.

How is your own relationship with Jesus? Do you go by feelings or faith?

The best situation is to be still and know God.
I forgot to mention that, yes he is also a Christian. That's what actually binds us together so much is our faith and that's why I feel God ended his last relationship because in my opinion they weren't equally yoked. It was like he was trying to lead her in that area but she wasn't anchored in Christ herself. He wanted to marry her but things did not work out so now he is trying to get closure so he can move on if they can't be together. I believe in listening to God not your feelings, I have been in the same situation as him where I wanted someone only to realize later on that they weren't any good for me. I'm hoping he comes to the same realization at some point soon.
 
Jul 26, 2015
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#7
To get involved with him now would be very unwise.
If you hang around as buds - this too would be unwise.

Take time AWAY and seek God.
It's better then taking your life in a lesser of a direction.

Blessings
FCJ
Thanks! We actually live 3 hours away from each other in separate states so that helps because there is distance between us and we aren't able to be around each other all the time.
 

Fish Catcher Jim

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#9
Thanks! We actually live 3 hours away from each other in separate states so that helps because there is distance between us and we aren't able to be around each other all the time.
Phones can do just as much damage as being in person.
Blessings
 
Feb 2, 2017
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#10
Hello- I know I’m a little late to this thread but maybe you’re still dealing with this situation.

I have been through- and am still going through something similar.
The details are different but the main points are still the same.

Now, my advice to you is this- SEEK GOD. He will tell you if this is the person he has chosen for you! It might take a while but He will tell you. And if it’s not this guy The Lord will send you someone else!
I agree with Fish Catcher Jim, put some distance between the two of you so you can hear The Lord without distractions.
That’s what I’ve done and I cannot tell you how much it helps. You just distance yourself from the feelings that go along with being or falling in love with someone and you can hear The Lords voice much more clearly. Especially when the situation is...unfavorable.

If this is God and it’s His will He will show you AND this young man you’re speaking of.
Pray and ask Him to show you a direction and He will. Then you can go from there. And pray for the HEALING of your friends broken heart! Prayer is so powerful and sometimes it looks like it’s not working but it is!

Anyway, unless you’ve gotten a clear cut word from The Lord it’s best to just stay as casual friends if even that. Simply because you should guard your own heart and if this young man is unknowingly hurting you because of the feelings you have and his own hurts, it’s just more for you to have to overcome in the future IF y’all do end up together.

I will pray The Lord gives you clear direction and for the healing of your friends heart.

Love and blessings to you sister!
-AprilS
 
Jul 26, 2015
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#11
Hello- I know I’m a little late to this thread but maybe you’re still dealing with this situation.

I have been through- and am still going through something similar.
The details are different but the main points are still the same.

Now, my advice to you is this- SEEK GOD. He will tell you if this is the person he has chosen for you! It might take a while but He will tell you. And if it’s not this guy The Lord will send you someone else!
I agree with Fish Catcher Jim, put some distance between the two of you so you can hear The Lord without distractions.
That’s what I’ve done and I cannot tell you how much it helps. You just distance yourself from the feelings that go along with being or falling in love with someone and you can hear The Lords voice much more clearly. Especially when the situation is...unfavorable.

If this is God and it’s His will He will show you AND this young man you’re speaking of.
Pray and ask Him to show you a direction and He will. Then you can go from there. And pray for the HEALING of your friends broken heart! Prayer is so powerful and sometimes it looks like it’s not working but it is!

Anyway, unless you’ve gotten a clear cut word from The Lord it’s best to just stay as casual friends if even that. Simply because you should guard your own heart and if this young man is unknowingly hurting you because of the feelings you have and his own hurts, it’s just more for you to have to overcome in the future IF y’all do end up together.

I will pray The Lord gives you clear direction and for the healing of your friends heart.

Love and blessings to you sister!
-AprilS
Wow! Thank you so much! I actually forgot I posted this haha but yes I completely agree. I have def been praying hard about our friendship and asking God to let HIS will be done bcuz at the end of the day He knows what's best so I'm sticking with that. My friend and I def have a lot of chemistry which only gets stronger and stronger the more we are together and speak BUT that's why im glad there is distance btw us and we also don't speak all day every day just once every couple of wks or so. It's hard but I trust God to lead us according to His will
 
Feb 2, 2017
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Cleburne, TX
#12
Wow! Thank you so much! I actually forgot I posted this haha but yes I completely agree. I have def been praying hard about our friendship and asking God to let HIS will be done bcuz at the end of the day He knows what's best so I'm sticking with that. My friend and I def have a lot of chemistry which only gets stronger and stronger the more we are together and speak BUT that's why im glad there is distance btw us and we also don't speak all day every day just once every couple of wks or so. It's hard but I trust God to lead us according to His will
You are welcome! And that’s a good attitude to have, if you’re in His will that’s the best place to be!