Fear of Future

Feb 3, 2014
Hi there everyone! I need your help. Please be so kind to read my story and give me an opinion so that I can have a clearer view on what's happening with me and what I'm doing wrong.

I am about to do my GCSE exam next May, so it is about time for me to choose where I want to continue my studies. Until this October I had no idea where I was going to go and what I was going to do. Literally I feel like nothing interests me. I like geography but I couldn't learn all about it. I like languages but I can't choose only one. I like drawing and painting but I don't want my creativeness to be likited by rules - if you know what I mean.

I've been praying for years about this. I've asked God to show me my way, but I got no answers at all. Even if I found a university that looked interesting for me, I wasn't 100% sure. It's the same feeling when you like a guy but deep down you know he is not the one and this won't work.

My mom found a university of arts and design. For me it was like love at firts sight. It had everything I needed. Modern, sellable, individual. I only saw the internet site. I've read great reviews. But also, it was said that it's recommended to apply for their "pre courses" which prepares students for the application exam. I felt so excited and happy, I thought I finally found my way.

The course was a loooot of money and I felt really bad for making my parents pay that much altho they supported me in my choice.

Today was the first day of the course and I'm writing in tears. As soon as I entered the building I felt like a complete stranger. All my great feelings about this school just flew away. The others were kind, but bitter and too alternative. Just like artists. I felt so weird because they killed all my energy. The first exercise was drawing. We had to draw a still life. It took us 3 hours. Actually I did quite well, the teacher was satisfied with me. But still I felt like this is not what I want to do...

After it was over I pretended to sleep in the car to avoid questions. I felt so miserable for wasting my parents' money and making a fool of myself taking aways all my Saturdays from November to April..

What am I doing wrong? Why does God not answer me? Or is it my way for real, just Satan tries to put me down? Or I'm just not familiar with university life and it is supposed to be this rigid and unfriendly? Please give me some advice... :(
Jan 19, 2013
Are you a Christian? My guess is if you are posting here you profess to be a Christian or are at least looking for 'Christian' advice?

Is this school an associated 'Christian' school? It may be that your calling is not what you think it is-we rarely perceive the correct call from God without much prayer and fasting, studying the Bible on the topic AND seeking good counsel from elders, parents, Pastor. If you are trying to 'go this alone' without counsel and expressing your desire to others; maybe God is wanting you to get Him more involved in your decision making process?

I would seek out Good counsel from those who surround you. Do you have a Church home?

Oh and tell your parents how you really feel about this school ASAP so this does not become a life long regret....own up to your mistake, don't let pride keep you from seeking your true path....(and LEARN from this)....