Funny/odd stories from your job

Funny/odd stories from your job

I sometimes talk about writing a book about them when I retire. I thought I would start sharing some of them. Please feel free to add your own.
Here goes.

I do maintenance on group homes for developmentally disabled. With what some of the staff do, I sometimes wonder who is taking care of who.

A few years ago, at one of our houses, a couple of birds built a nest on each of the two garage door openers. In the fall, I took the nests down. The next spring, I was doing some work at that house. They always have both garage doors open when I show up… every time. I was in the garage and the program coordinator came out to the garage to talk to me. She then asked, “Hey… do you have any idea how to keep the birds out of the garage”? I turned and looked at both of the big doors that were wide open. I then turned back to her and said, “You could keep the doors shut”. She got this surprised look on her face and said, “That’s a good idea… why didn’t I think of that”. I didn’t say anything, but thought about asking her if she went to one of those colleges that sucks the common sense out of your brain.

That should be good enough to start it out.



Hey W.A.I. That's a good start.

A friend of mine just recently said he liked to fry his fish till it's crispy but said it never cooks in the middle so he nuks it and then it isn't crispy any more .... Duh ... I said to him . Why don't you micro wave it first and then put in the fry pan to get it crispy. And he said ,"oh yah never thought of doing it that way ." Hello !!!
I've got one!
I am a volunteer firefighter and for a few years, I did Fire Prevention Week by going to the area schools and teach children about fire safety. I was a clown. Full white face, the whole bit.
One year, we were late, and had to stop by the Training Center to get some equipment. Someone had the bright idea of putting out poison for our mouse problem.
When we opened the door, the odor of mouse rot struck us like a blow.
I was sick. Oh, so sick. We dashed in, got what we needed and dashed out.
Driving down the road, the stink was still in my nose, and I was in danger of losing it.
"Lord," I prayed," We are late, I dont have time to go home and redo my make up. The school is counting on us to do this program, but I am about to throw up all over myself! Help!"
About that time, we drove thru a cloud of skunk stink and "SNAP!" the mouse rot was gone!
My stomach settled, and we made it to the school on time.
Now, tell me God doesnt have a sense of humor!
Fluffy, maybe you should get some canned skunk and go into the nausea relief business! ;)

Here's my favorite from back in the days when I worked. I worked at a computer company in Idaho. We had a new girl come to work in our department and she was a bona-fide New York City sophisticate. A little out of place in Idaho, but a nice kid all the same.

Well, one day I was lamenting the fact that my hens weren't laying as much. I was jokingly telling my co-workers that I would have to have a talk with the hens about the two ways hens contribute to farm life. While I was saying this I noticed that our New Yorker had a look of horror on her face. I asked her what was wrong (thinking vegan? Animal rights activist?) and she blurted out:

"You eat eggs from a chicken!?!"

I said yes, then asked her if she ate eggs. She said:

"Yeah, I eat eggs, but I don't get them from chickens!"

Which naturally led me to ask where she got her eggs from. Her answer:

"From the store!"

Pastor Gary

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As a former law enforcement officer, I recall one particularly humorous situation that took place very early on New Years Day in 1987.

A man who had been celebrating and drinking heavily at a downtown pub, called 9-1-1 from a payphone outside the tavern. The dispatcher asked him what the emergency was. In his drunken state, he was just barely able to tell her that he was too drunk to drive home and couldn't even find his car to lock it up. She asked the man what his location was so she could send a patrol officer over to assist him... He paused, looked around and finally said, "I'm at the corner of "walk" and "don't walk"....
I once caught a fellow-worker sleeping in his chair. We were between projects and he was doing computer work - he's usually out in the field.

I laughed and went back to my own work. I left him sleeping. Later on, he came and knocked on my office door.

"I'm going down the store on my break," he told me.


One of my coworkers lost her right eye in a terrible accident...but it didn't stop her bubbly personality. She got a glass eye and kept smiling.

Once we were out in the field doing a survey, and we were teaching her to use a scope. She shut her eye and looked through the lens...and the coworker I caught sleeping had to tell her: "Use the other eye."

I forgot I started this.
I was reading about the gun in Christian neighbors and was reminded of one.

I got a call from one of the program directors for one of the houses I do maintenance on. She told me that the program coordinator showed up for work and started to enter the house. She heard a noise when the house should have been empty and went out to her car and called the program director and asked her to call me because she thinks someone is in the house. When she told me that I told her to call the coordinator back and tell her to call the cops. That’s what they get paid for, I don’t get paid to fix burglars.

I couldn’t believe it. She thought someone was in the house that shouldn’t be there and she wanted me to come over with my tools?

I might be good with a hammer… but I don’t think I can stop a bullet with it. :D
Like on TV when you hear the reporters saying "Police would like your help in finding the suspect."

Mmmkay. I'll help them look for the suspect, but then can they swing by when they get a chance and finish up my proposals and scopes of works and budgets so I can go have a doughnut?

Hey - I help you do your job, you help me do mine. Sounds fair to me, hmmm?

Hee hee hee:D
I was reading through “I have a cursing problem” and I thought of another one.

I was in one of the houses at work. No one was home and it had been a while since I had toured the house just to see if everything is holding together. I just do a quick walkthrough of all the rooms and make a visual inspection. I walked into the bedroom at the end of the hall. The door was closed, when I walked into the room, I instantly cussed out loud. “WHAT THE *&#$&*

It was bad… real bad. They decided to try to paint the bedroom themselves. Notice I said “try” to paint the bedroom. It was the absolute worst paintjob I ever saw, and it was only ¾ done. That just made it worse. Paint all over the wood work… on the ceiling… on the switches and outlets…

I decided I better let my boss know. When I got back to the office, I went up to her and said, “Have you seen so and so’s bedroom at the Buffalo Lake house? She just smiled and said, “yes, I saw it, but didn’t want to tell you about it and upset you”. I then asked her if she cussed out loud when she saw the room.
She said, “as a matter of fact… I did”. I didn’t feel too bad for cussing then, knowing that the paintjob made a woman cuss.
Proof that God has a sense of humor too!!!!

Just had one happen yesterday...

Our General Manager managed to pull a prank on our office...He works in the Oregon office...we're in Gig Harbor, WA...about three hours away.

Anyway, he had OR printer print off 50 copies that annonymously said...

"My Bosses name" is a big goon! He is tyrannical, and needs to be stopped! If you agree, wad this paper up & throw it at him immediately!

I wish you knew my boss......he's a teddy bear...

So we played one on the GM in the Oregon office...because turnabout IS fair play.

We typed up HIS (the GM) resignation letter stating the reasons why he was leavng the company was because "my bosses name" is the best manager he had ever seen, and knew that he would pale in comparison to him when everyone else met he felt he needed to do the right thing for our company, and seek employment elsewhere.

We called the GM's boss to fill her in on what we had done, the had the phoney resignation letter print out on their many printers.

The Oregon office had a good laugh before he found out what we had done...:D

I just LOVE a good clean prank!
I'll help them look for the suspect, but then can they swing by when they get a chance and finish up my proposals and scopes of works and budgets so I can go have a doughnut?

Hey! Just what do you do? You basically described the type of work my office does!

Construction Contract Management...
One of our past employees bought a very nice coffee maker that crushes beans and such. Over the years, this machine has been battered and abused.

Recently, the lid wouldn't stay down because a tab broke off. The machine will not percolate unless the lid is closed. So someone opened the cupboard and found an old can of peaches up there and used this to keep the lid down.

Anyway - the fax machine stopped working last week and nobody could figure it out. I finally realized that the cover wasn't staying down, you had to press it to keep it down to allow a fax to come through, so I went and told my supervisor.

She said..."Maybe you should...uh..."

"...find another can of peaches?" I asked her.:D:p