I am not one to respond to a whole lot of posts but this one moved me to the core of my being. I know exactly what you are talking about. I am going to explain God's healing and comforting power.
My grandmother told me when I was a child that I was going to go through something very traumatic in my life. That if I am not grounded in the word, I would not make it through. I asked her, "What am I going to go through?" She told me that she did not know but she knew that I had to start reading and studying God's word. Well of course when you tell a child something like that, you scare them senseless. I ran home to my mother and told her that I was going to die. I didn't know what she meant at that time. Well to move on, I have been a child of God since I was 12 yrs old and I stayed in the word as my grandmother instructed me. By the way, my grandmother is the one who introduced me to Christ. Well, I stayed in the word and was grounded.
When I became an adult, I got married. Very, very bad marriage. So bad that I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by him. We had two children; two beautiful Girls. I started them early in the word. I loved them so much. I stayed depressed because of the marriage then one day I had I don't know call it a premonition, a dream, a vision; I just don't know. But I had the feeling that my children was going to go home to be with Jesus. They were only 8 and 4 so I didn't pay attention to the signs, visions or whatever it was. I just had this feeling everyday. I stayed in prayer asking him "What is this feeling that I am having?" and please not let it come to pass. After a short amount of time, I know it was God. You definitely know when God speaks to his childrens heart. You can hear it in your heart. Not an audible sound but you can hear it. God told me to leave and take the children.
He murdered my children and himself. What did he say before he did this horrible thing? "I am about to do something and I know that I am going to Hell for it; but, it will be worth it" That's what he said, "it will be worth it." Well, my two girls are in Heaven with Jesus now. I say all of that to say that I had intended on committing suicide that day. I just did not feel that I could live another moment without them. At that moment, I knew what my grandmother was talking about. Now I know why I took the word so seriously and was grounded in the word. While I was in the hospital on suicide watch, I dropped down on my knees with a straight jacket on in prayer. Just screaming the name of Jesus, yes, that's what I did scream Jesus to help me through this. Then all of a sudden a voice said to me, "They are with me and they are fine. You will see them again." Then peace came over me. I was still a mess but then all of these scriptures just started pouring in my heart. All the scriptures that I had grounded myself in. I had to come to the conclusion that it was just their time and I had to trust God for the reason; and know that he will reveal it to me when he returns for us. Well, it was a long journey back because of the suicide watch, I lost my home, my job, everything. I could not stay alone. Then the nightmares started, everytime I go to sleep, I dream my husband is chasing me trying to kill me throughout the whole dream. It was like that movie (nightmare on Elm Stree). So, I started trying not to sleep, then I ended up in the hospital again. They put me on valums. Apparently it gives you a dreamless sleep but very addictive. So, of course, I ended up being addicted to Valums. Well, one night when I tried to go to sleep, I had a visitor in my room that I did not see but heard. The voice said "If you turn around, I wll let you see your children one time. But I cannot do this again. I just want you to know that they are alright and with me." Because I knew the word said that it is appointed for us once to die and then judgement. I knew that was Satan himself. I fell right down on my knees without turning around and again started screaming the name of Jesus. I rebuked the Devil in the name of Jesus and told him that he had no right in this room, he was not invited, and that I am covered by the blood of Jesus and by his authority you leave now. I never had that visit again. But I often felt like Job loosing everything he had.
But now for the good news!!!! God has healed my heart. I am no longer taking Valums and I sleep wonderfully. I know that I will see my babies again. I have that confidence when Christ comes for us, all those who died are coming back with him. I am very excited about seeing my children again one day. I am no longer sucidal. I took it all to God in prayer. Now, it was a healing process between God and myself. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband. I often say that God made him especially for me. He had a child which I have adopted as my own and God has allowed me to show her love and treat her just as if I had her. God blessed me with a better job than I had and better pay than I had. He has just been blessing me as I continously draw nigh to him. Jesus loves me and this I know; because the bible tells me so. Not only does the tells me that but Jesus also said that he will never leave nor forsaken his children. Ladies and Gentlemen by the grace of God; I AM STILL STANDING