Going out with an unbeliver

[Lady Karen]

Hello all,

I've always thought that it is clear among our youth at church that going out with an unbeliver is wrong. But about 3 weeks ago one girl (aged 17) found a boy somewhere at the disco :sad01_anim: and took him to church. Then they started going out with each other. Not many people know that. The girl is also a part of our youth worship group and I find it absolutely terrible. I told that to the worship group leader and he told her that she must give up the ministry if she stays with the boy. But a surprising thing happened - the boy belived in Christ. Well, that's fine for the boy, but not for the girl, I am afraid things got more difficult for her because of that. I still think that they should break up and stay alone for some time, both of them. What do you think about that? And who do you think should speak to her about it? I think that the best would be the leader of a worship group but still I feel a bit silly asking him to do that, he has a lot of his own work and ask him about things like that quite often - to talk to somebody from the group about something I find serious (e.g. being a member of church if somebody wants to stand in a ministry and so on).

And one more thing... Do you speak about going out with somebody at your youth meetings? How do you speak about that? Do you have any advices how to present this topic to teenagers? I am a bit afraid that some of our teenagers might not be absolutely sure about this thing and I don't want them to fall into this Satan's trap... Thank you so much for all the comments

Thank you for sharing & I will be praying for this ... it's hard & I am sure that if we all pray ... prayer can change there hearts ... so keep us posted and see you soon !!!

 

[Johana]

Hello all,
thank you for all the prayers, I haven't even expected that

I and the girl had a very good opportunity to speak about many things, so among others I asked her how does she reflect starting going out with the boy. She told me some very encouraging things like that now when she is looking back she knows that it would be better to wait a bit but she still doesn't see the whole thing wrong. But she really wants to go with me to a tearoom, so probably in about 2 weeks we will go somewhere and speak with a tea in our hands (which everybody here finds more interesting and lovely).

So thank you so much for the prayers and I will write you as soon as we meet and have a talk.

God bless you all

 

[bratface75]

One thing I find terrible is to learn that there are still Disco's.
I thought we got rid of all of them back in the 70's.

LOLOLOLOL .. You just never know. Question is, would you attend the event just for old times sake?!? heehee
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I am not going to have a very popular reply to your situation, and I hope that it can maybe give a different perspective on the situation.

Hello all,
I've always thought that it is clear among our youth at church that going out with an unbeliver is wrong.

I am going to state that it is a very UNWISE decision. And I feel very strongly, this is yet another area of our lives that the bible teaches and guides us in and the Church is where we need to hear it from.

Personally, I cannot understand what is so appealing for a Christ follower to want to date an unbeliever. There are so many repercussions for both the believer and unbeliever when dabbling in something that should be under the authority of God in the first place.

But about 3 weeks ago one girl (aged 17) found a boy somewhere at the disco :sad01_anim: and took him to church. Then they started going out with each other. Not many people know that. The girl is also a part of our youth worship group and I find it absolutely terrible. I told that to the worship group leader and he told her that she must give up the ministry if she stays with the boy. But a surprising thing happened - the boy belived in Christ. Well, that's fine for the boy, but not for the girl, I am afraid things got more difficult for her because of that. I still think that they should break up and stay alone for some time, both of them. What do you think about that? And who do you think should speak to her about it? I think that the best would be the leader of a worship group but still I feel a bit silly asking him to do that, he has a lot of his own work and ask him about things like that quite often - to talk to somebody from the group about something I find serious (e.g. being a member of church if somebody wants to stand in a ministry and so on).

I don't want to ever hurt anyone's feelings, and I hope I don't come across this way at all. I have to agree with the worship group leader. If someone is going to stand in a position in the church and lead other's in worship and by example, then they need to seek out the guidence of thier pastor/youth pastor or church counsellor. This is the calling of the youth pastor to sit and share the word of God on this topic with this young girl.

And one more thing... Do you speak about going out with somebody at your youth meetings? How do you speak about that? Do you have any advices how to present this topic to teenagers? I am a bit afraid that some of our teenagers might not be absolutely sure about this thing and I don't want them to fall into this Satan's trap...
Thank you so much for all the comments

We are to use Scripture as the measure of our desires. We are to take every thought, every area of our lives captive to the word of God. A Christian and a non Christian can never be fully agreed, since one has Christ living within and the other does not. It's black and white. It's about light and darkness.

The purpose of dating is to find someone to fall in love with and choose to commit to the covenent of marriage in which God designed. It is foolish for a believer to knowingly and willfully marry an unbeliever (which applies to dating as well). The Word of God clearly forbids it, and the disobedient Christian cannot expect God’s blessing on his or her marriage.

Here are a few things to remember:

Christians are not immune - even the smartest wisest people can be led astray from God by unbelieving partners. Check out 1 Kings 11:1-12
There is a spiritual incompatibility!!!! 2 Cor 6:14-7:1, Eph 2:1-3
Because the children may go astray from God. Deut 7:3,4, Neh 13:23-27
It leads to a lifetime of defeat, which is NOT what God designed for us! Joshua 23:11-13

Dating an unbeliever is not a grey area. Its not something that one Christian can do and another not do. If you are attracted to a non Christian admit your attraction to God and then MAKE SURE that the relationship does not develop. You cannot date a non christian and expect them to convert. It doesn't work that way.


Here are a few more scriptures that may help.
1 Corinthians 6:9
1 Corinthians 7:19
Ephesians 5:8
Deuteronomy 7:3-4
Titus 2:14

Go to your christian book store and seek out books on christian dating. You can cross reference the scriptures provided in the books.
Your friend is in my prayers to seek Godly counsel and guidence before it is too late with this young man.

 

[smellycat]

did christ work on the sabbath.?to do good yes.all work on the sabbath like Christ says.also the christian non christian dates.yes they can be influenced with evil,but so can we.stick to your truth,i see no problem.your closing yourself off to the world,which is good on certain things,but of the heart this is not so,don,t push in your own by love.or else you will suffer.

 

[Johana]

Dear bratface, I like the ideas you've posted, being so well structured and direct. It is also good to see the biblical passages you've mentioned. Thank you really much!

 

[bratface75]

I am glad that it helped. Do more research and pray and ask God to help guide you.

 

[panjelina]

do unto others as you would have done to yourself.i certainly wouldn,t want the church to tell me when and who i can date,sorry this sort of stuff drives people away from God.

Amen! I became a christian in a church that taught me lots of "rules". Though I do think there is some need for the rules I was taught, I have found as I have grown in Christ that these "rules" have done nothing but scare me from doing them becasue I thought I would make God mad. Things like that kind of music i listen to, to what I wear, to who I hang out with. Hello people. Does Jesus not have rule over our lives, and eventually lead us. Non of us know God becasue we found Him. He brought us to Himself. So what makes us think we can have "rules" to make us better christians. As for this girl that is dating the guy from the Disco! I think it is AWESOME! Praise the Lord and a Christian is able to go into a non-christian place and influence another person to start going to church with them...and it turns out he was a christian after all. Whats the big deal? Just the place they met? Come on...where did Jesus hang out, who did Jesus hang out with? Not religious people...thats for sure!

 

[bratface75]

Man made rules are different from the guidelines that God wants His children to live by. God can and does work in ways that blow our minds. Including bringing non christians to Him through many means. However, there is enough scripture for a mature Christian to recognize situations that are wise and unwise. We have to be aware of that. Most people who say it's not a big deal, really need to make it a big deal and get into the Word of God and much prayer.
There is a difference between going into a non-christian place and influencing them to be turned on to the things of God, and dating them. Dating is a whole different level and we as Christians "Christ Followers" --Wise yet Gentle -- walking in righteousness -- should NOT be dabbling in making a relationship with someone before they accept Christ.
Jesus hung out with sinners but he did not partake in their doings. He taught them, he showed mercy and love. However, God's word warns us of becoming in relationship with sinners. God tells us in His word that we are the light of the world, yet reminds us that we are to surround ourselves with Godly counsel and company. There is nothing wrong with ministering to the lost. Fact, history and scripture has proved that a person who "hangs out with" an unbeliever will in time be influenced by their behaviors. There is enough scripture also that supports God saying not to marry an unbeliever. See my previous post.

 

[Pastor Glenn]

Wow, you've put out quite a question here but not an uncommon one. It is wrong for a believer to be unequally yolked together with an unbeliever and God does not ask us to do "missionary dating". We need to live Christ before our non christian friends and seek to lead them to Christ, but it's important to be discerning where that friendship is and where the boundaries are. Remember, no matter how strong a Christian you are or think you are, it's easier for them to bring you down than for you to raise them up to your " level of spirituality". God commands us to be holy as He is holy, so in answer to someone in active ministry. We need to encourage them in the things of God and lovingly tell them if you have a concern. As a pastor myself, I would share my concern with that person and advise them that it would be appropriate for them to step down from active ministry for a season. I would also tell that person that they are loved, valuable, needed and prayed for - never use a condemning spirit or you'll drive a person away perhaps permanently.


Hope that helps! Bless ya !

Pastor Glenn

 

[Misunderstood]

story of my life homie...well 90% of the girls i dated were believers...which i think at times can be worst than non believers, because atleast non believers you can shape and mold them, but if you date someone who picks and choses what principals to believe in and whats convienant for their life i think can be harder. ehem(ex g/f)
i think i need some cough medicine