Great One-Liners!

Nov 19, 2009
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USA
Great One-Liners!

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
 
Nov 19, 2009
3,408
72
48
USA
I thought these were hilarious! :D


I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.


I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
 
Nov 19, 2009
3,408
72
48
USA
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.