Having Trouble Keeping Thoughts Of My Ex-Wife Being Out With The Guy That She Is Dating

N

Nanookadenord

My ex-wife and I do truly seem to have a better relationship now that we're divorced. We've become really good friends which I appreciate because it makes things easier in regards to the kids.

However, I am finding it difficult keeping certain thoughts out of my head while she is on a date with the guy she is dating currently. She lets me know she is out on the date because her and I still talk daily and she doesn't want me calling or messaging while she is out with him (which I understand completely). However, I know that they get home close to three in the morning because I can tell from Facebook messenger when she was on last. So my thoughts are running away from me on what they are doing and it's keeping me up on those nights that she does go out with him.

I am also pretty protective of her because she does have multiple sclerosis and is the mother of my children. I don't want to see her taken advantage of as she can get herself into situations in which she regrets later because she gets drunk. So that also helps to keep me awake when she is out with him.

How can I keep these thoughts from occurring or how can I keep them from compounding and keeping me awake at night?

I have prayed asking God to take them from me and not to allow them to creep back in, but they don't go away. I just do not know what to do.
 
Nanookadenord said:
My ex-wife and I do truly seem to have a better relationship now that we're divorced. We've become really good friends which I appreciate because it makes things easier in regards to the kids.

However, I am finding it difficult keeping certain thoughts out of my head while she is on a date with the guy she is dating currently. She lets me know she is out on the date because her and I still talk daily and she doesn't want me calling or messaging while she is out with him (which I understand completely). However, I know that they get home close to three in the morning because I can tell from Facebook messenger when she was on last. So my thoughts are running away from me on what they are doing and it's keeping me up on those nights that she does go out with him.

I am also pretty protective of her because she does have multiple sclerosis and is the mother of my children. I don't want to see her taken advantage of as she can get herself into situations in which she regrets later because she gets drunk. So that also helps to keep me awake when she is out with him.

How can I keep these thoughts from occurring or how can I keep them from compounding and keeping me awake at night?

I have prayed asking God to take them from me and not to allow them to creep back in, but they don't go away. I just do not know what to do.
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Greetings brother,
I am going to be straight forward with you on this for been there and made bad choices and Allowed my self to be tormented far too long.

1, you have got to come to terms with this and be at peace over your X wife.
You guys made the choice so you have to learn to deal with this.

Now here is what you need to grasp.
God is Not going to do anything that He has already told you to do.

2 Corinthians 10:5King James Version (KJV)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

God told us to take our own thoughts captive. To take authority over them and cast them down.

Grasp that these thoughts are thrown at you by our enemy the devil. Think of it this way, there has been signed to you a demon a foul spirit to torment you with these thoughts. If you give way to them, they will only get worse and worse driving you to make bad choices and placing you out side the protective hand of the Father and thus being able to have free right to try and destroy you and take you out.

God's grace is sufficient for you.
You as a born again believer not only have the authority to cast down these strong holds and tormenting spirits but we are commanded to do so. God placed this in our hands.

Many folks will want to mother you and try to say soft happy things but in the end when that wares off and it will, you will still be in the same situation and torment. So no mothering from me. Like I said been there.

Even if you don't feel you have any reason to .....Forgive both of them out loud and make it clear you hold nothing against either of them and love them both for God is holding nothing against them and loves them.

This is two fold........it stops the enemy for he has no ground and it pleases the Father and gives Him place to work in your behalf.

Now pray for them both. Pray good things and blessings and protection over them. Lift them up to God giving thanks for them. This also slams a door in the enemies face and gives God a place to work.

Like I said God is not going to do for you what He already told you to do and empowered you to do.

Again this is in your hands and there is no magic lamp to rub it all away.
Now I did not say God won't help for He can and will do more then you think But we got to do these things His way in order for Him to be Able to help.

Praying for you bro.
FCJ
 
Fish Catcher Jim said:
Greetings brother,
I am going to be straight forward with you on this for been there and made bad choices and Allowed my self to be tormented far too long.

1, you have got to come to terms with this and be at peace over your X wife.
You guys made the choice so you have to learn to deal with this.

Now here is what you need to grasp.
God is Not going to do anything that He has already told you to do.

2 Corinthians 10:5King James Version (KJV)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

God told us to take our own thoughts captive. To take authority over them and cast them down.

Grasp that these thoughts are thrown at you by our enemy the devil. Think of it this way, there has been signed to you a demon a foul spirit to torment you with these thoughts. If you give way to them, they will only get worse and worse driving you to make bad choices and placing you out side the protective hand of the Father and thus being able to have free right to try and destroy you and take you out.

God's grace is sufficient for you.
You as a born again believer not only have the authority to cast down these strong holds and tormenting spirits but we are commanded to do so. God placed this in our hands.

Many folks will want to mother you and try to say soft happy things but in the end when that wares off and it will, you will still be in the same situation and torment. So no mothering from me. Like I said been there.

Even if you don't feel you have any reason to .....Forgive both of them out loud and make it clear you hold nothing against either of them and love them both for God is holding nothing against them and loves them.

This is two fold........it stops the enemy for he has no ground and it pleases the Father and gives Him place to work in your behalf.

Now pray for them both. Pray good things and blessings and protection over them. Lift them up to God giving thanks for them. This also slams a door in the enemies face and gives God a place to work.

Like I said God is not going to do for you what He already told you to do and empowered you to do.

Again this is in your hands and there is no magic lamp to rub it all away.
Now I did not say God won't help for He can and will do more then you think But we got to do these things His way in order for Him to be Able to help.

Praying for you bro.
FCJ
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I am not strong enough to cast these thoughts down. I'm truly not.

Forgiveness has been granted a long time ago to her and I recently forgave him. I prayed that they would both make wise choices in regards to their relationship, I prayed that their relationship would prosper and that if it continues he would make a good step-father to my children.

I have done all of that. It's the casting down that I have trouble with.
 
Nanookadenord said:
I am not strong enough to cast these thoughts down. I'm truly not.

Forgiveness has been granted a long time ago to her and I recently forgave him. I prayed that they would both make wise choices in regards to their relationship, I prayed that their relationship would prosper and that if it continues he would make a good step-father to my children.

I have done all of that. It's the casting down that I have trouble with.
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Actually yes you are strong enough. You may need some development in this area but stop thinking and stop saying you are not strong enough. Say instead I can Do All Things through Christ Jesus Who Gives Me The Strength To Do So.

It is in fact these same tormenting spirits that get you to Think and Speak you are Not strong enough.

See they know the truth is.....what so ever a man thinks (includes speaking) so he is.

Forgiveness in this is not a one time thing. You may have to forgive and pray 100 times in one day and that is ok. You are building your self up in Christ.

Every time an ugly nawing gut renching make you crazy feeling shows its self you need to take authority over it. Devil your a liar for I hold nothing against either of them.

Forgiving them and loving them by speaking it will do more for you then you would think.

Big one here......repent and ask God to forgive you for allowing these thoughts to start to take root and forgive and receive your forgiveness.
1John1:9
Mark 11:25

Do these as many times a day as needed. Note......quote them to God. Placing God in rememberence of His Word. Another words using His promise as needed.

Most important here, don't go on and on trying to convince God of anything. He already knows. Pray His word and ask for forgiveness and cleansing of all your unrighteousness and then by Faith receive it done right then.

Pray for them and get your mind on praise to God. The joy of the Lord is Your Strength.

You can do this.......you must choose this. You must get your thoughts off of you and on God's word.

It will prove true
FCJ
 
Then give these thoughts up to God. Every time you think about them and then try to find out more info by checking her FB page. Stop for a moment and thank God that he knows everything and that he take care of her welbeing because you cannot rightly do so without getting your heart/emotions involved. This seems to happen more often when we are praying for someone, we automatically become their armor-bearer. God knows your concerns, give it to God every time you feel driven by your thoughts. It's another way of taking them captive and bringing them down to the obedience of Christ.
 
Nanookadenord said:
If only it were as easy as the two of you are saying. It truly isn't that easy.
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You right it's not as easy as it sounds, at first. The devil will make sure it's even harder, and that the thoughts more and more. But the more you do this the easier it will get. It's time to fight the good fight of faith, and get your flesh and emotions in line with the Word of God.

This is all in your ball court and if you take it one thought at a time and one action at a time...then you won't feel so overwhelmed.

The first step is to just quote the Word of God, that says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You have to remind yourself that you are not doing this alone, and that as you take the step of faith...the Holy Spirit (whom is God's power) will meet you right where your at. It's going to take some practice, and your probably going to fall down a couple of times, but just like a toddler learning to walk, if you will get right back up, repent (which means to turn from) and keep on moving forward, you'll do just fine. It's just like I told my son when he was learning to tie his shoes....nobody gets it on the first try...it takes practice. Because your flesh has been trained to do things a certain way for so long.

Our prayers are with you! Blessings
 
I found out through my daughter because she came out and told me that the new boyfriend was over the other day and met them.

I am not happy! They have only been on two dates and I feel it's too soon to get the kids involved. Way too soon.

Am I wrong for feeling that it's too soon?
 
Nanookadenord said:
I found out through my daughter because she came out and told me that the new boyfriend was over the other day and met them.

I am not happy! They have only been on two dates and I feel it's too soon to get the kids involved. Way too soon.

Am I wrong for feeling that it's too soon?
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In this type of situation you will have to deal with feelings and emotions and your own views.

This means you will have to recognize these and deal with each of them. Remember
1.This situation was by choice you both made.
2. In all truth you really have no right to interfere in your X wife and her life now.

..............However.........
Prayer can change things.
Meaning you should be spending more time in prayer with the Father and less time worrying about things.

Yes the children are Still a huge concern and responsibilities of a dad do Not Stop just because of this situation.

The hard part for you is seeing and thinking about all this with your own undetstanding.

Your going to have to trust God like never before and if she is not placing the children in harms way or putting them in the middle of an unGodly life style then there is not much you can do about it.......

Except Prayer and building your relationship with the Father like never before.
James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

You can do more behind the scenes in prayer then you could by butting in.

This may Not be what you wanted to hear, But it is something you Need to hear.

Praying Always
FCJ
​
 
Fish Catcher Jim said:
In this type of situation you will have to deal with feelings and emotions and your own views.

This means you will have to recognize these and deal with each of them. Remember
1.This situation was by choice you both made.
2. In all truth you really have no right to interfere in your X wife and her life now.

..............However.........
Prayer can change things.
Meaning you should be spending more time in prayer with the Father and less time worrying about things.

Yes the children are Still a huge concern and responsibilities of a dad do Not Stop just because of this situation.

The hard part for you is seeing and thinking about all this with your own undetstanding.

Your going to have to trust God like never before and if she is not placing the children in harms way or putting them in the middle of an unGodly life style then there is not much you can do about it.......

Except Prayer and building your relationship with the Father like never before.
James 5:16 The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

You can do more behind the scenes in prayer then you could by butting in.

This may Not be what you wanted to hear, But it is something you Need to hear.

Praying Always
FCJ
​
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You know what? Never mind. It's waste of time coming to this site. I will not be back!

I will talk with my priest and see what he advises.
 
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Nanookadenord said:
I found out through my daughter because she came out and told me that the new boyfriend was over the other day and met them.

I am not happy! They have only been on two dates and I feel it's too soon to get the kids involved. Way too soon.

Am I wrong for feeling that it's too soon?
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I believe that as you have talked about trusting your x this is one time when trusting her judgement will help you tremendously. Yes you may think it's to soon, but maybe she wants or thinks that having the kids involved with whom she is dating is a good thing.

As FCJ said this is a good time to soak this in prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in having a conversation with her if that is what you feel is necessary. Walking in love and having a peaceful conversation regarding your concerns can help if your emotions are not involved.

Will be praying for you brother
Blessings of grace and peace be yours in abundance
 
pancakes said:
What's wrong? He gave you advice as best he could, what type of advice were you looking for?

Hopefully the priest aids you in your decisions.
Blessings xoxo
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Thanks Pancakes,
I don't hold anything against him. He is just hurting inside as he tries to adjust to this new life they decided would be better and looking for advice that lines up with what he wants and not truth. Eventually that will be replaced with being able to welcome and understand both Godly wisdom and the laws of the land....

Until then we need to be praying his actions do not land him in jail or restraining order against him and loosing face with his family.

Blessings
FCJ
 
Fish Catcher Jim said:
Until then we need to be praying his actions do not land him in jail or restraining order against him and loosing face with his family.

Blessings
FCJ
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Really? I would never do anything that would land me in jail or have a restraining order placed against me and losing face with my family. I have never been in trouble with the law and don't plan on it now.

After talking with my priest, he and many others I have talked to say that it is indeed my right to express my opinion to my ex-wife regarding her allowing someone she barely knows around my children. As a father it is my duty to protect my children, even when they are not with me. If I say nothing, and something happens I would never forgive myself.

So your advice is wrong and many agree with me and that something needs to be said to her.

So please, I am asking you to stop responding to this thread as your advice is not welcome.
 
Nanookadenord said:
Really? I would never do anything that would land me in jail or have a restraining order placed against me and losing face with my family. I have never been in trouble with the law and don't plan on it now.

After talking with my priest, he and many others I have talked to say that it is indeed my right to express my opinion to my ex-wife regarding her allowing someone she barely knows around my children. As a father it is my duty to protect my children, even when they are not with me. If I say nothing, and something happens I would never forgive myself.

So your advice is wrong and many agree with me and that something needs to be said to her.

So please, I am asking you to stop responding to this thread as your advice is not welcome.
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Brother I am not going to argue with you but you misread what I said and turned it around twice.

Blessings
 
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