Hello fellow Christians.. I need a friend to help me because I don't know what to do =/

I don't want to start off like this but I'm honestly so depressed I don't want to do something to hurt myself. No I'm not suicidal.. but I'm severely depressed and it's scaring me the feelings I've been having. I can't eat and I can't sleep and I swear I know my wife is possessed and I have no more fight left in me. I will start out by saying I am 30 years old. I was raised a Christian and I met my wife 6 years ago. 6 years through thick and thin and she got me back into my walk with God. She was all about God and that was what I fell in love with. We both have had a rough 6 years because of insecurities because bofore me she would be intoxicated and blacked out and having sex with a lot of men without even knowing their names and I don't even want to say anymore so I'll leave it at that. And I of course have to be cursed as the nice guy. I went from relationship to relationship and did nothing more than just try to love the women I was with even though they were broken but the day that I met my wife I thought she was the one. And maybe God put her in my life to warn me because she's been separated from me for a year now and when she moved out her excuse was, "This is too hard for me because we fight a lot and we live with your parents and I want my own place and my own car" and my parents did so much for her by the way. They were not in the way because they were always working so I don't know why she can't be honest. I even warned her that if she didn't want this relationship to let me know because this is her first serious relationship. But at 31 with her past.. you would think that women would actually care about good guys. Like honestly do I need to go against God and just become a womanizer? Is that what life is really about? Because all my life I thought women wanted a classy guy who cares about the woman and who is open and honest. Well I've been their prince charming and I've got completely torn to shreds that I'm surprised I'm not empty like them. I still cry and beg God to tell me why these women are so darn evil! I apologize if I sound mean right now.. I've cried for a really long time and I've even read scripture to her and been the spiritual leader and told her to come back to our church and talk to our pastor for marriage counseling and she's not going to her girlfriends church which by the way she goes back and forth about everything. She was exactly on the same page with me about marriage being important and more than just a piece of paper.. NOPE.. NOW SHE THINKS JUST THAT!

She loved doing everything together and well.. yeah you guessed it she confesses that she hated us doing everything together. Oh and yeah when she moved out she of course went out with her girlfriend to the bar and cheated on me. She wouldn't tell me the guys name because she couldn't remember his name or face. If I'm being honest.. as pathetic as she is.. why am I still in love? Why would I ever give her a second chance? I mean I feel like I never listened to God because I need your opinions her... the day she moved out I should of divorced her right? And if not then definitely when she cheated on me? I have done nothing more.. and every couple fights. And I know she can't be over me because of my looks because she's not shallow and neither am I. We are both very insecure but if we are going based off looks does she really think she's going to leave me because I'm not good looking? (( sorry I'm not conceited but I'm trying to believe in God telling me I am a handsome man )) and maybe I'm just a good looking man who's just too nice and that never works out. Do women like men who are too honest and too caring and protective or do they like the bad boy? Because when she first met me I was a "rebel" fighting, drugs.. and 6 years later I don't fight.. I don't hang out with my biker buddies or do anymore drugs. I guess she tamed me so bad that I stopped being fun. It's not like she was ever fun though. I'm just confused. By the way I hope this isn't going to get my account deleted right away.. if I have said to much please allow me to apologize. I just don't have anybody.. like at all! No friends to go to or anyone. I deleted facebook for her.. changed my phone number..got rid of all my friends for her. I really am a fool. Stupid me huh?

And when I asked why after a year now she wants the divorce she says because she feels guilty about cheating on me and being a bad wife and whatever but I even told her if it was that she couldn't tell me the fact that she just needed freedom and I proved her that I was right that she thinks I'm too overprotective because she misses going out with her girlfriends. She can try and fool me again like she did making it seem like she loved me but I just think she misses going out, so is God really allowing her to do this without a care in the world and it's fine with him? She can do whatever she wants and smile when I cry and be numb to everything just like that? She changed.. as if the devil is coursing through her veins. I'm honestly scared/depressed/tired of being alone and I wouldn't want to sleep with her anymore and I think you guys could all agree I need that divorce to set me free from that wicked women.. any advice cuz I'm honestly.. I've never been more crushed for someone tricking me into her thinking she was a Christian.. a real Christ follower wouldn't do these things. Here I thought she was a real woman!
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Welcome to cfs! We are glad to have you with us. You certainly have been through the ringer, and I pray that we here at this site can provide a tender loving family for you to be apart of.

When you get the opportunity please review your welcome pack and look over the topics that cannot be discussed. This will ensure your time here will be profitable and peaceful.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask any active moderator, and we will be happy to help you in any way possible.

Your in our prayers
so is God really allowing her to do this without a care in the world and it's fine with him? She can do whatever she wants

I can guarantee you that God has been trying to get her attention, and its not in His desire that she hurts you. But if she will not submit to His ways then there is nothing He can do until she does.

The devil has her trapped in a life of sin right now, and I will be praying that God grant her the gift of repentance. For until she repents God cannot move in her life.

We are deeply saddened that you have gotten caught in the crossfire of your wife's seeking ungodly things. The best thing you can do is really connect with God (for this is not His fault) and find out what He wants you to do. Build your relationship with Him and allow Him to heal your hurts and pain. Allow Him to come in and fellowship with you, filling your every need. The Holy Spirit is our comforter, and He is awesome at helping us to find peace in the midst of all our pain.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. [Jer. 6:16.] For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good–not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.
Matthew 11:28‭-‬30 AMPC

God bless you sir! May the Lord surround you with His peace that passes all of your understanding.
so is God really allowing her to do this without a care in the world and it's fine with him? She can do whatever she wants and smile when I cry and be numb to everything just like that? She changed.. as if the devil is coursing through her veins.

This is from a devotion I got today.

You Must Control The Devil

JAMES 4:7 NKJ 7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Most believers expect God to control the devil, but God gave you that responsibility.

EPHESIANS 4:27 NKJ 27 nor give place to the devil.

Would God tell you not to let the devil have any place, if you had no say about it? If the devil does have a place in your affairs, it's because you allow it.

The devil will take over -- if you let him.

Jesus won the victory. It legally belongs to you. But the devil is a criminal, who doesn't obey the law unless forced to. You must enforce Jesus' victory and Lordship in the situations of life, or the devil will take control by default.

No human being, in themselves, is any match for the devil. So you can't resist him in your own ability or name. You are not more powerful than the devil, but you do have more authority as a believer in Jesus Christ.

Just as a policeman in uniform has the backing of the entire government and all its forces, so believers have the backing of God and all His forces, when we stand against the devil in Jesus' Name.

God gave you authority to resist the devil, and expects you to use it. If you disobey God by not using it, things will not go very well in your life.

Praying to God to stop the devil's operations is no different than my son asking me to take out the trash, after I told him to do it.

God told us to resist the devil and he would flee. We must believe and act on God's Word.

I want to point out a few things
Submit To God and Resist the devil. Most forget about the first part, (Submitting to God) and think they are smart enough to out wit the devil. Fact is....that's what he wants you to think and do.

When Jesus rose, He said I have been given All Authority and Power......then He gave it to man, (His born again Spirit filled)
He said You go and cast out devils.

So God is not going to do what He has already told us to do But will back us when we do what He said.

So What any of us do is Not up to God.
We have the freedom to choose to obey or not. God does not Force us.

Godiswithme1922 God gave me a couple of verses for you

Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation **(salvation is defined as...Yeshua... deliverance, health, prosperity (in every are of ones life), being rescued, welfare, victory, preservation, safety and eternal life)**through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
Philippians 4:6‭-‬8 AMPC

Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.
Philippians 4:9 AMPC

For though I am away from you in body, yet I am with you in spirit, delighted at the sight of your [standing shoulder to shoulder in such] orderly array and the firmness and the solid front and steadfastness of your faith in Christ [that leaning of the entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness]. As you have therefore received Christ, [even] Jesus the Lord, [so] walk (regulate your lives and conduct yourselves) in union with and conformity to Him. Have the roots [of your being] firmly and deeply planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him], being continually built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving.
Colossians 2:5‭-‬7 AMPC

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you. Then you will seek Me, inquire for, and require Me [as a vital necessity] and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. [Deut. 4:29-30.] I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will release you from captivity....
Jeremiah 29:11‭-‬14 AMPC

For in Him the whole fullness of Deity (the Godhead) continues to dwell in bodily form [giving complete expression of the divine nature]. And you are in Him, made full and having come to fullness of life [in Christ you too are filled with the Godhead–Father, Son and Holy Spirit–and reach full spiritual stature]. And He is the Head of all rule and authority [of every angelic principality and power].
Colossians 2:9‭-‬10 AMPC

Blessings my friend
Thank you all so much this really helps! I spoke with her today to give her back our pictures. I mean I still have the wedding picture above my bed. We have great communication and I went over there and told her I was going to break it down to her and explain to her how life works and how I lived my life and the experiences I had to deal with. And it's not that I feel this way because I don't want to believe in how society thinks and waht I've been taught or what I've been told even by older women which really messed me up.

The woman wants a man to not chase after her, and if you even acknowledge her you are a fool. Or even as to ask for her name she'd lose interest. And women lose interest in men who focus on them constantly or who aren't successful people. If he has a good job or walks in a room and scopes and takes care of himself, his health and his financial stability is great then a women will be more attracted to him but if he's a lover and always asks how she is doing or his focus is always on her then she will view him as weak and move on the the next guy that doesn't really care as much and ignores her in a way or allows her to wonder if he's going to call. I don't know I mean I've heard so many crazy things like women hating nice guys. But when I was the bad boy.. I never did all that on purpose. I mean it was merely because I rebelled after high school and I was not following the path of God because I was sheltered and I wanted to know what life was really about. I loved getting into fights and even gambled illegally and made quite a bit of money fighting because I was really great at it. I channelled all my anger from the woman that verbally abused me and took it out on the men who I fought. And then sleeping around became a habit because my dream of marrying someone normal went down the crapper. But that's what i was telling me wife if she is the woman who is like these other girls that society deems worthless because we are told women are leeches who are lazy who get bored easily of men and just want them for their riches and their malicious ways as they ignore their lady and that is what keeps things interesting. It's just a sad world and makes me want to stay away from all women if that's the case because I'm not that guy. I mean I can try to be and i have been but I then become too aggressive and i'm not trying to scare a woman. I've never laid my hands on a woman nor would I ever. I'm the guy that will nearly kill a man and have a few times because nobody was doing anything. I know it's not my place but it really gets me angry to see that. But.. my wife said that she's not one of those people and she just feels guilty for doing everything and she admitted to me that everything could of been handled better if she was more open to me because she used to write in her journal almost everyday whether downstairs or in another room. But she took her anger out on me through writing in her notepad talking to God. I told her how much I didn't like the fact that I was open one who talked about my feelings and she was a closed book. I mean it sucks that we have to divorce and she even told me if it's too difficult to stay friends then she'd understand. I told her I'll always be her friend. And after the divorce I will do my best to stay her friend but if we are even going to consider EVER getting married again down the line.. we have to for sure commit to God and put ourselves first to build ourselves up because somewhere down the line all these relationships with women.. they sucked me dry and I lost part of myself and because I focused too much on their needs I didn't know who I was as a man and I could see why my wife might of lost interest there but she told me she is still attracted to me and it has nothing to do with anything like that but she was blind to see how much I loved her I guess. I mean I am still scared of any other woman and I told her as long as she tells me if she is dating other guys then I guess we could still stay friends. I want God to change me and I don't want to be stuck in my own ways where if she ever dated another guy I would break his nose because it's not that i'm jealous. But my whole life I've went from relationship to relationship and even though those women were so wicked and evil that I knew they didn't belong to me. I'm probably one of the few guys that still tried to make it work. As if I was dating misses lucifer.. I would do my best to allow that woman to see the good quality she has so that she can be a better woman.. but they take my kindess and burn it with so much hate.. whether it's calling me names or just itch to almost come close to cheating on me because I scare the hell out of them and say something dark and twisted that will get them stay quiet. Not that i would do anything evil in any way but yah.. I guess I will trust that whatever God has planned.. let only his will be done!
Here is something to think about.
All that is in the past.
We forget the past and move toward the goal of Jesus, God's plan for our life and becoming All that God created us to be.

We are born again and All things are new and the past is no more.

So act on this.
Devote your time and energy seeking God and find out what you should do.

Forget all that other junk.