Hello. My name is Jeff and I'd like to tell you my story. While it isn't quite as amazing as those people who have actually stood face to face with Christ and were sent back to tell the tale, it is a big deal for me, and a life changer.
Warning: This will be a long post.
I'm 27 years old and until recently I've never been much of a believer. On my best days I "didn't know" if God existed, on my worst days I was a full blown atheist who wasn't afraid to tell believers how I felt. In other words, I could be a real dirt bag.
I became a heavy drinker around the age of 20, constantly wanting to be at bars, nightclubs, and parties. Whenever the subject of religion came up, I was fast to make it clear that not only was I not a Christian, but that I also had reasons that would make you think otherwise as well. I was one of those people who placed all of their trust in the scientific community to discover the natural processes of the universe and ultimately, prove evolution and natural selection. And of course, the more that alcohol became involved the worse the conversations would get. This went on until last year.
In October, 2013 I was working a 2nd shift job in a factory. My shift ended at 11:20pm and on my way home from work that night, I went through the scariest thing I've ever went through. Out of the blue, my face, hands and stomach started tingling as if they were falling asleep. After 10 or 15 minutes it was only getting worse and I started to panic. I pulled over because I felt if i could just lay down it would go away. I stepped out of my car and sat on the curb and not even a second later i was laying on my right side while my hands tightened into fists uncontrollably and I couldn't open them back up. My facial muscles tightened so much that when I tried to speak, my lips couldn't get the words out properly. My thoughts were racing...am I having a stroke? Am I dying?After what seemed like an eternity, it all went away and I was extremely shaken up. I had an ambulance take me to the local hospital where i continued to have these episodes on and off until they gave me some kind of medicine to relax the tension in my muscles. I was sent home around 5am the next morning and was told that I had a few panic attacks.
At first, i was relieved because after thinking i was dying all night, hearing that I had panic attacks was very reassuring that I was Ok. But....this was only the beginning. Over the next few months I became very depressed and absolutely ridden with fear. The fear of dying and the unknown, the fear of further panic attacks, the fear of responsibility, the fear of having to quit drinking because it triggered the attacks, and sometimes, i just felt fearful and didn't know why. Every day my thoughts were centered around fear and panic. I couldn't drive my car, i lost my job, i never wanted to leave my room. I was completely shutting myself away from the world. Fear consumed my life and I was completely drained.
One night, earlier this month I had had enough and began to get teary eyed under the stress. I just couldn't take it anymore. Without much hope of it actually working, i was finally so broken that I prayed for forgiveness and peace. I prayed for my brother (more on him below) I asked God to the best of my abilities to please forgive my hard-headedness and show me he was there.
After a few moments of praying, I tried watching a little TV to get my mind off things. I then remembered an old bible my grandmother gave me some years ago. I accepted it because I didn't want my grandmother knowing I was an atheist. Anyway, I hadn't thought about this bible since it was given to me. The bible came inside of a wooden lock box and when I opened the box a small note fell out of it with a very encouraging message on it that said:
"For Your Comfort...
May God be very near you at this time of deepest sorrow,
To comfort you and grant you strength to meet each new tomorrow"
In very small lettering at the bottom of the note I seen "The lord is my shepherd
23rd Psalm"
Naturally, I scoured through the bible to find the 23rd Psalm and when I read it I could no longer deny that God was reaching out to me, and that this was his reply to my prayer.
This alone made me feel better than I had felt in months, but as I finished reading, I received a text message from my mother telling me my younger brother was in jail. In any normal circumstance, this would be a negative text msg, but my brother is heavily addicted to heroin and was living on the streets. He will now have to undergo rehabilitation after doing a significant amount of time in jail. He will have 3 meals a day, and a place to sleep at night. And I feel this may save his life...and I'm thankful.
If you're still reading this, thank you. I don't belong to a Church, so I don't have anyone to share this with, which is why I've come to this forum.
Even though I feel stupid for not realizing God's presence sooner, and feel unworthy of an answered prayer because of all the years I spit in the face of Christianity, I do feel a sense of calmness and peace, and God is all I can think about.
In the past, I've heard people say that God doesn't give you what you can't handle. But after what I've been through the last few months, I have to think that God will definitely give you more than you can handle if it's the only thing that will open your eyes.
Thank you for reading, and may God bless you all.
Warning: This will be a long post.
I'm 27 years old and until recently I've never been much of a believer. On my best days I "didn't know" if God existed, on my worst days I was a full blown atheist who wasn't afraid to tell believers how I felt. In other words, I could be a real dirt bag.
I became a heavy drinker around the age of 20, constantly wanting to be at bars, nightclubs, and parties. Whenever the subject of religion came up, I was fast to make it clear that not only was I not a Christian, but that I also had reasons that would make you think otherwise as well. I was one of those people who placed all of their trust in the scientific community to discover the natural processes of the universe and ultimately, prove evolution and natural selection. And of course, the more that alcohol became involved the worse the conversations would get. This went on until last year.
In October, 2013 I was working a 2nd shift job in a factory. My shift ended at 11:20pm and on my way home from work that night, I went through the scariest thing I've ever went through. Out of the blue, my face, hands and stomach started tingling as if they were falling asleep. After 10 or 15 minutes it was only getting worse and I started to panic. I pulled over because I felt if i could just lay down it would go away. I stepped out of my car and sat on the curb and not even a second later i was laying on my right side while my hands tightened into fists uncontrollably and I couldn't open them back up. My facial muscles tightened so much that when I tried to speak, my lips couldn't get the words out properly. My thoughts were racing...am I having a stroke? Am I dying?After what seemed like an eternity, it all went away and I was extremely shaken up. I had an ambulance take me to the local hospital where i continued to have these episodes on and off until they gave me some kind of medicine to relax the tension in my muscles. I was sent home around 5am the next morning and was told that I had a few panic attacks.
At first, i was relieved because after thinking i was dying all night, hearing that I had panic attacks was very reassuring that I was Ok. But....this was only the beginning. Over the next few months I became very depressed and absolutely ridden with fear. The fear of dying and the unknown, the fear of further panic attacks, the fear of responsibility, the fear of having to quit drinking because it triggered the attacks, and sometimes, i just felt fearful and didn't know why. Every day my thoughts were centered around fear and panic. I couldn't drive my car, i lost my job, i never wanted to leave my room. I was completely shutting myself away from the world. Fear consumed my life and I was completely drained.
One night, earlier this month I had had enough and began to get teary eyed under the stress. I just couldn't take it anymore. Without much hope of it actually working, i was finally so broken that I prayed for forgiveness and peace. I prayed for my brother (more on him below) I asked God to the best of my abilities to please forgive my hard-headedness and show me he was there.
After a few moments of praying, I tried watching a little TV to get my mind off things. I then remembered an old bible my grandmother gave me some years ago. I accepted it because I didn't want my grandmother knowing I was an atheist. Anyway, I hadn't thought about this bible since it was given to me. The bible came inside of a wooden lock box and when I opened the box a small note fell out of it with a very encouraging message on it that said:
"For Your Comfort...
May God be very near you at this time of deepest sorrow,
To comfort you and grant you strength to meet each new tomorrow"
In very small lettering at the bottom of the note I seen "The lord is my shepherd
23rd Psalm"
Naturally, I scoured through the bible to find the 23rd Psalm and when I read it I could no longer deny that God was reaching out to me, and that this was his reply to my prayer.
This alone made me feel better than I had felt in months, but as I finished reading, I received a text message from my mother telling me my younger brother was in jail. In any normal circumstance, this would be a negative text msg, but my brother is heavily addicted to heroin and was living on the streets. He will now have to undergo rehabilitation after doing a significant amount of time in jail. He will have 3 meals a day, and a place to sleep at night. And I feel this may save his life...and I'm thankful.
If you're still reading this, thank you. I don't belong to a Church, so I don't have anyone to share this with, which is why I've come to this forum.
Even though I feel stupid for not realizing God's presence sooner, and feel unworthy of an answered prayer because of all the years I spit in the face of Christianity, I do feel a sense of calmness and peace, and God is all I can think about.
In the past, I've heard people say that God doesn't give you what you can't handle. But after what I've been through the last few months, I have to think that God will definitely give you more than you can handle if it's the only thing that will open your eyes.
Thank you for reading, and may God bless you all.