How Does One "fully Surrender?"

@followerofchrist72: How kind of you to be so candid and forthright in your message. God bless you for that! I wont go into detail, but we seem to have very similar stories for a number of reasons. I too went the medication/psychologist/self help books route with no success. It was only until I found God when my heart softened, which is why I am confused as to why my ED surfaced again. Yes, there were a lot more stressors in my life from last year, and I suffered an abusive childhood, but I didn't think I would still be dealing with this at my age.

I as well do not have a TV (have not for years) listen primarily to Christian music on the radio, and don't order magazines. The problem lies when I begin reading the bible and come across things that don't make logical sense. I doubt and I don't want to doubt. The whole purpose of reading the bible is to bring me closer to God, but it actually tends to pull me farther away which I don't understand why...

My profile picture was taken at a healthy point in my life. However, the problem with bulimia is that many look "normal" because they are either average or above average in weight. I struggle from anorexia and bulimia and am considered "too thin" to my family and friends right now (again, that is not a current picture of me), but either way, eating disorders are far less about weight and more about feeling out of control, worthless and helpless.
 
My name is Steve. Thought I would introduce myself.

I feel your pain. I really do. You seem to be feeling alone, scared, and the only way you deal with that with your eating disorder as a way to cry out for help? personally I see you are crying for help, and see that no one knows your life and experiences, only your eating disorder. This is a problem covering another one. At least that is how it was in my case.

For many years I would blame myself for what happened to me. Thinking I could of done things differently to change the situation when I was a child. The problem with this way of thinking is I was a child. I was was under the power of someone who over powered me. Helpless...

I didn't know any better, but I would beat myself up daily because of it. I would drink a lot as a teenager into my twenties to numb my mind to stop thinking about it. I didn't become an alcoholic, but when I sobered up the problem was still there and still remains untreated. In my mid twenties after I was married with my first wife and had two children, I admitted myself into a depression center at a local hospital. They gave me zoloft (didn't like the effects of it) and prozac (which gave me a numbing of my feelings, and tunnel vision). We had talks with groups of strangers to express my feelings, which helped some, but I still I was broken. I fought this for years. My focus was ALWAYS on the past and feeling sorry for myself and always asking for help.

When I was 28 years old I accepted the Lord into my life. The Lord started molding me like a lump of clay into a vessel as I read the scriptures. There is still more to be done I am sure in the present of course. There were some things I had to face within myself in order to overcome them, and there was no way around it. It was my 40 days in the desert so to speak. The Lord was there to guide me. Looking in the mirror is the hardest thing for me to face.

Finding myself again wasn't easy. It helped me build confidence, loving the person I am and not let my past make me something else because it was slowly destroying me and taking over my life. My thoughts of the past came and went, but now I have overcome. It takes time, and itshowed me i was building patience which is one of the fruits of the spirit. It showed me love ( love myself, love the Lord and people around me) which is another fruit, peace within myself (I overcame the problem), longsuffering and so on. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. It helped me to be more kind to myself because my body is the temple of the Lord which dwells within me.

For several years I devoted my thoughts and studies to the Lord, wanting to see the truth in Him. Fighting the battle by focusing on Him and understanding what He desires us to be. I was like you in the beginning. Nothing made sense. It was like going to school and learning algebra. I didn't see or understand in the beginning and I didn't see the answer until I learned how to figure out the problem/equation with guideance from a teacher.

The key thing for me was keeping the Bible in the context and timing of what happened. Just like you would read a history book. Many people like to make it present tense. Meaning, people take a verse out of the bible and take the whole thing out of context in turn making their own doctrines. If I have trouble reading something I listen to it being read. I go to a website and listen to the Bible and follow along too. It helps me. Here is the link: http://bible.christianpost.com/

I want to say I am hear to listen... There is help out there, but you have to be willing tolean on Him as I did and he will help you cleanse the temple in which the Lord dwells. That temple being you. You are the church. I am here for you is you need me. We all have our crosses to bare. I shared a part of my life as a witness to you in hopes this will spark the flame so your light will shine and witness to others as I am doing for you.
 
Major said:
Good point! Agreed.
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"Your issue is a problem with your flesh. Your issue is not with Satan, Lucifer, the Devil, etc., but your flesh. And the kingdom of God is not meat and drink, but righteousness peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost (Rom 14:17)."

Isn't Satan the one that tempts us with the flesh? I'm confused as how this is only me Please explain, Major~ o_O
 
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