how to deal with unfair treatment

how to deal with unfair treatment

Dear all,

I have a little "coping" problem. The setting is at work. I did a job together with a colleague. Most of the work has been done by me (90% I guess), but he acquired the job so we could do it. Now it's about who should be named with the impressive results, or better, in which order our names should appear. It is a quite prestigous project, so it would be nice to be named first for both of us.
Now, a little surprising for me, he said he would be "not unhappy" with me being first. But he also would be happy with being first as well because of his importance of getting that job. And then suggested to put our names alphabetically (which would, as it happens, put him first ;))

now, as a Christian, obviously I would step back and let him go first if he is so keen after it.
But anyway, I feel treated unfair and have that bad feeling about it. I am not happy with that decision yet.

Could you help me here? Is that thinking of mine appropriate? Would you support me stepping back? Or should the "others first" approach not be applied here?

It's not a rational issue for me, "just" an emotional one. I feel bad about deciding for the other because I think it's unfair. Why is that? How to deal with it?

Thank you so much for your help!

If you really feel you did 90% of the work, tell him straight up. "I did almost all the work, so my name is going first" Being a Christian is about being kind and loving to others, however being a pushover and being kind are different things. This is your career, this is your life, don't let others take the credit for all your hard work.

being a christian doesn't mean letting others walk on you. it means telling the truth in love. I think your name should go first. however if it doesn't. is he capable of doing the work if not they will soon find out he is not the guy.
God is your provider that is what to keep your eye on. also remember we are to pray for our enemies. ask God to bless him. when ever some one starts to give me trouble I look at it in two ways one.Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
and two Jesus sits one the thrown of my heart the things that come at my are just trying to get my King(Jesus) to bow to their king. that is sitting on the thrown of their might be envy striff, jealousy , lust ect.
the works of the flesh
Galatians 5

19Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
I say let him go first...your name will still be on the project. Humble, meek, slow to speak and quick to listen. The truth always comes out, if that's what concerns you. If this guy tags his name to projects in which he only does 10% of the work, eventually that's going to catch up with him. People will notice. One day he's going to be trusted to eat the whole apple pie; and he'll only be able to finish a few slices.

Meanwhile, don't blow your own horn. God has given you a great gift, He deserves the credit and the glory. If I were you (and I have been a lot lately) I'd rejoice in what God has given you, it's amazing! I'd let this guy go first if he wants to be proud. It's obvious that he needs the spotlight on him, maybe he's insecure about other areas of his life that other people will never understand?

I'd take things quietly, and let my rewards build up in heaven. :)
The first will be last and the last shall be first. Don't worry, the people who really need to know who did the work already know. This doesn't just mean you either.
This will happen in life all the time. Just remember if you are ever given credit for something you didn't do to make sure you set things straight.
I wouldn't really call this being a push over. You are not out a bunch of money or losing a job.
Chin up bud. You are honourable and have integrity. These are qualities of the few.:dance:
I tend to agree that it is God who gives promotion and the last shall be first. However if you are really upset about the situation you might do well toask to be transfered to another project or department . If your "friend " has to stand on his own he may well falter. I had a supervisor who once told me " the cream always rises to the top".
Oh boys, you are so great! Thank you for all your opinions! It really helped me a lot to live with my decision.
My first thought was just what DaveS wrote. I did the work so I should be mentioned first. But then, reflecting on it, I felt that this doesn't really sound like how God askes us to think: earthly reward doesn't count as much as pleasing Him. But still I had doubts: do I please God when I subdue myself? When I allow others to adorn themselves with my plumes? I wasn't sure about it, and together with the frustration I still had in me that made me feel really, really bad.

DaveS's fast answer helped me to get my chin up and get back my self-esteem. Thank you so much for this DaveS!

But somehow I didn't feel comfortable with emailing that colleague pushing me first (we work at different locations). Something held me back.

At home I finally decided to let him know that I would decide differently but would accept him putting his name first if he thinks that is reasonable. So let's wait for his decision.

You others, whose advice I read just before I sent out the email (I had to check if someone else answered ;)):
thank you for supporting me in this decision. I now really feel good with it. If he sticks to his decision - fine by me, this is just one project of many to come, as you said. If he changes his mind - I would be glad.
In both cases I will thank God, for trying me. I already thank God for having me making such considerations. And I am so grateful for Him having led me to this wonderful place in cyberspace to meet such wonderful people!

Thank you all. I love you.


Dear friends,

I just want to let you know about the develepments:

My colleague finally decided to share my view on the things and suggested me being named first. He even seemed to be relieved in some way after that decision (if you can infer this from email texts). At least his wording is much more friendly now and even chatty, quite different from before!

So things finally developed as I thought it should be!

Thanks again for all your advice and for keeping my head up!

I am so thankfull for God making me think about this and for bringing me to this place. Praised be the Lord!

Chris I am so happy for you- praise God , He had a plan the whole time:

Mat 19:30 But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first.

I am brother Larry but you can certainly thank Jeff as he is responsible for this entire fourm!
Many blessings on your day- BL
Come on Larry. You know how less I contribute and yet I get praised. :p Chris, Larry deserves the thank you here.


Oh well, sorry. Thanks to both of you then :rolleyes:

So Jefff is Jeff, that's easy. And Boanerges is Larry, o-kay. Does Boanerges mean something? Do tell a poor outlander, maybe I can remember it better then...

Have a nice day,