I Have a Spirit of Arrogance / Pride. Please Help

Otetiani

Otetiani

Inactive
I Have a Spirit of Arrogance / Pride. Please Help

I understand humility. I am humble in my mind. I actually am quite insecure. But for some reason I come off as very arrogant. It is a real problem. I have trouble with everyone everywhere because of it. I am kind and forgiving to all and I am very generous with my help, praise, assets etc. but people still come to hate me.

I suspect it has something to do with me being abused, humiliated and rejected as a child. I am guessing it is some sort of defense mechanism I developed. I offend people often and I am usually totally baffled. In my heart I love them but somehow I display contempt or hostility.

I need help. I get fired and laid of from jobs because of it, I have no friends, Relatives seem to like me after they get to know me well, but I went through trouble with them at first.

I know G-d hates the proud and I know it affects my relationship with him too. I need as much council, scripture and prayer as you can bring to bear. I appreciate anyone who can help.
 
Otetiani sometimes it is important to remember the basics when dealing with people-
1. Stand up straigth and tall, don't slump.
2. Look them in the eye.
3. Smile .
4. When starting a conversation expect the person you are talking to to like you (after all you are a nice guy with many likeable qualities) , this puts you at ease and that puts the other person at ease.
5. Ask plenty of questions about the other person, this will usually get a conversation going and demonstrate that you are genuinly interested in them.
6. If you have trouble with the smiling part spend ten minutes a day smiling at yourself in a mirror- I'm not kidding you will be smiling the rest of the day.

Some of this may sound simple or even silly but take it from a person who normally has a stern look without even meaning to- it works

Pro 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

Make these things a habit, show yourself friendly , relax and enjoy

By the way- I like you my friend!
 
Thank you, I believe the things you say are true. I have been listening to Dennis Prager for years. He often discusses this stuff in his Happiness hour. Unfortunately I have trouble with this stuff. I'll tell you I think it is deeper. One more thing I could ad that may help you understand the depth. I feel like Saul. I can relate to the man more than any other in the Bible. This worries me. Strangely enough, I also can relate to David with his trust in G-d and fear of no one when G-d is with him. I am a strange duck I think.
 
Otetiani, I think I can relate to what you're saying. Humility is easier said than done. Although my case is different, I'm having a hard time being humble myself. This normally happens when I'm driving or riding. I tend to have this aggressive feeling or mood whenever I drive or ride. Worse, I curse others who unethically cross my path on the road. Then when all things are said and done, I feel so bad about myself. I don't know where it is coming from. It's like I'm a different person. Or maybe... my old self comes back.
 
Otetiani , as founder of the odd duck club I would like to welcome you ! If being different was a crime half the people on the planet would be locked up and after all God's Word declares:
1Pe 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

Peculiar people yes that is what we are but this is not a bad thing- God has made each of us for a particular job in His Body the church-I find it helps when I am going into any situation to stop and thank God for His favor and then relax beleiving Him to handle the situation. This always makes a world of difference and when coupled with the steps I mentioned above can make a real change in how people react to you. Remember people can't see whats going on in your head and heart but can and do read your body language. I am certainly not one of God's more graceful children either but even people who don't intially react favorably to me generally will eventually like me- so in those situations I just take it in stride and let time take it's course. Then there is always someone who just won't like you- this should be considered their problem and their loss- pray for them they probably need it.
This type of problem like all others gets bigger and bigger the more we focus on it. Concentrating on it creates fear and doubt both of which are the opposite of faith- LET US HAVE FAITH IN GOD MORE THEN IN OUR PROBLEMS- He is more than willing to help- our individual weaknesses can be the strongest area of our lives because these are the areas we depend on God the most! Allow your problems to drive you closer to the Lord and they will be your friends and no longer shortcomings at all!
One other thing I would like to add- I am by nature the shyest human being on God's green earth and left to myself would easily introvert- but I was able to overcome much of this by doing some street witnessing on a crowded New Orleans street- I was very difficult at first but then I started to relax and it became easier all the time- soon it was easy to walk up to a stranger and tell them about Jesus. So one cure for social problems is to expose yourself to alot of people and after awhile your fears and/or discomfort will subside. Yes I still have old tendencies but now I have a stronger faith to overcome them.
All the things I am sharing with you come from my personal expierience and I hope that they will benefit you.
As a wise man once said" smile and the whole world smiles with you"
 
I offend people often and I am usually totally baffled. In my heart I love them but somehow I display contempt or hostility.
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You know, I think it's admirable that you had the courage to post this! Oddly, after reading your description, you've actually made me want to meet you in person. The fact that this bothers you enough to post it shows me that you can find change this problem if you rely on Him to help.

I don't say this to be prideful, but to bring the perspective of the type of person you have trouble dealing with. I'm the opposite of your personality.

When I meet people like you've described, I generally do not have a problem with them initially. BUT, once people of this nature start giving unsolicited advice, that's when I get irritated. You didn't mention this at all, but do you often tell others how they're screwing up or how they can improve their lives? Quite honestly, personality might have little to do with your problem, but advising others without their requests would seem to give the responses you listed.

Here's a hypothetical example. PLEASE don't think this is the case, because I assure you it is not. On this site, there is thread about different religions and baptism. Very appropriately in this case, you posted a seperate topic about the Jewish view of baptism. Remember, I'm glad you did this and do not think for one second this is an actual example, your post was very enlightening and completely appropriate for this forum--THIS IS HYPOTHETICAL!

But suppose you were in a worship service and someone just realized the joy of baptism. Would you be tempted to step in and say, "Yes, but, are you familiar with the Jewish perspective?" You would probably have meant this in a loving and enlightening way, but unintentionally rained on the parade. This example could be far from what you're describing, but in my experience in dealing with people who are what you've described, this is the #1 characteristic that makes them seem aloof and arrogant: unsolicited advice and raining on others' joy.

My boss has this same problem. I know he cares for us, but sometimes he just grates on us. Perfect example. My co-worker just returned from a trip to Paris that her husband earned through his job. It was a relatively quick, 5-day trip. She got back, excited about her trip and ready to tell us all about it. When she was done, our boss said, "Well, it was only a 5-day trip...you didn't see everything." That cut her deeply, though he meant no offense. He completely rained on her joy. Of course, being the boss, I sure didn't bring that to his attention.

This is just a thought and offered in sincere brotherly love. I must say, Otetiani, your presence here is a breath of fresh air, thanks for joining us.
 
Again, Thanks

You all have seen have recognized in my words something you can personally relate to. It comforts me to know other good people that struggle with this same problem. I had not concidered things from quite the angle that each of you approach this. Your thoughts will be helpful.

Boanerges,
You seem to always respond in very enlightened ways to my threads. It amazes me how your words always seem to cut strait to the heart of the matter. Your advice is always fitting to me personally even though you do not know me and we have never met. This leads me to believe that the Holy Spirit speaks through you. May the Lord bless us all with such a gift!
 
Otetiani you are way to kind brother- but thank you- togeather we will give God the glory as He moves in our lives and in the lives of those He priviledges us to touch in His Name.
 
wow... great answers from everyone.... I have been encouraged as well....

in my situation, when I was young I was a very laid back person.... used to be that when I differed from someone, I didn't bother to bring it up that I thought differently.... I thought.... I have my views, they have theirs.... its not worth arguing about or really even discussing… they won’t change their views, I won’t change mine.... then.... I became a Christian.... I was naturally very very shy.... but eventually I was deeply hurt by Pentecostals who insisted I wasn't saved because I didn't speak in tongues (I know now not all Pentecostals say this) then I left this group of churches and suddenly found myself drawn to this very small group of Christians.... I was only 19 at the time.... still a very new Christian.... well this guy leading the group had me totally fooled.... he had used up an entire blackboard with what looked like a huge mathematical equation saying that Jesus would be returning June 14, 1982.... well I was totally freaked out.... so there we all were.... praying that night.... all expecting Jesus to return.... and... as you might have guessed by now, He didn't.... well that was it for me... the last straw.... I walked completely away from Church and Christians.... though I always had this nagging feeling however, that God was real.... I just thought He didn't want me, something was wrong with me personally... however, I eventually severeally hurt my back in 1988, and my whole world was rocked.... I was losing everything, the best job I ever had in the Pipefitters Union, my home… my whole way of life was gone….. so I thought I would go back to church... give it one more try…. I was very tentative, and while going there (a mildly Charismatic church, a child hood friend was attending there, that is why I decided to go there) I actually also went back because even after hurting my back I was “self medicating†because the pain was so intense…. And so I went back also because I was pretty much constantly drunk, using cocaine all the time, and one morning I tried to go to work after being up all night partying... I lost control of my car at about 65 miles an hour and hit a truck head on... and the thing was... no one was even hurt.... in fact.... after my car came to rest in a cornfield, I looked down and I still had a hold of my beer to make sure I didn't spill it!!!! At 6 ‘clock in the morning no less!!!!) anyways.... after hurting my back and realizing I could never go back to my very physical pipefitter job, I got to go to college and there I really began to question my faith.... I looked at New Age, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormonism, lots of stuff.... I did not come from a Christian home so there was no “family background†in this or that church… they could have cared less what I believed as long as I didn’t tell them about it…. my parents had divorced when I was 16 after my mom had left me, my 3 younger sisters and dad for other men repeatedly starting around when I was 5, she was even doing drugs with me as a 15-16 yr old!!! .... so anyway…. Back to when I was going to school…. I start checking all these religions out.... secular philosophy as well... and gradually become more and more convinced of the truthfulness of Christianity, I transferred to a conservative Christian school graduating with a degree in biblical counseling and a double minor in apologetics and systematic theology.... so what does all this have to do with your OP? just this.... I often have been perceived in the same way you have, as being arrogant, prideful, narrow minded, dogmatic, you name it, because I know what I believe and why.... and my confidence in this turns people off... we live in a pluralistic age where if you are somewhat confident in religious or metaphysical beliefs, unless of course it is agnosticism, atheism, secular humanism, pluralism, you are automatically pegged by others as being a jerk, too dogmatic, too whatever.... so I encourage you to look at every situation you face with an eye towards what exactly it was that you think made them feel the way they do about you… what is something you said about your beliefs? Its ok to be confident about them, but we must always hear others out even if in the end, we know that in all likelihood we will still disagree….....so even if we are confident in our beliefs we must treat other people's beliefs with respect and dignity... but try to see if the problem isn't so much you as it is perhaps your confidence is what you believe, and that you are simply “guilty†for thinking you are right, remember, they think they are right too!!! Even if they don’t think about this fact :) .... anyway, that alone (confidence in your religious beliefs) is enough to scare people away because in our culture one the greatest taboos of all is to dare to voice your opinion that someone is <GASP> wrong.... often, ironically enough, these same sorts of people fail to realize that they are being just as dogmatic when they claim that you can't be sure of this or that religious belief!! lol.... they may be unaware of their confidence in their religion, even if they think they don’t even have one!!! …. be it agnosticism or some kind of atheistic materialism or physicalism..... and they sure seem to have no problem coming across to you how very confident in their confidence that you should not be confident in what it is you believe!!! lol!!!! so I am just saying... watch out for those sorts of people, you may be getting some false guilt manipulation being thrown your way just because of the confidence you may have in some of your beliefs.... this confidence never excuses arrogance or anything on our part.... but don't let their dogmatic confident zealous agnosticism or atheism (or whatever belief they embrace) rob you of your certainty and joy..... so we have to be busy trying to maintain a balance of hearing others out, respecting them, and then finding a way to let them know… as respectfully as possibly, why it is you think they are wrong…. Some people will never receive the idea they may be wrong, we must be careful MOST OF ALL that that “somebody†is not us!!!!! ….. but in most cases it is best to do your duty before God, share what you take to be the truth, and then shake the dust from your Nikes or Converse and walk away if you are not received….

Blessings,
Ken
 
You hit the nail on the head

Bassmasa said:
You know, I think it's admirable that you had the courage to post this! Oddly, after reading your description, you've actually made me want to meet you in person. The fact that this bothers you enough to post it shows me that you can find change this problem if you rely on Him to help.

I don't say this to be prideful, but to bring the perspective of the type of person you have trouble dealing with. I'm the opposite of your personality.

When I meet people like you've described, I generally do not have a problem with them initially. BUT, once people of this nature start giving unsolicited advice, that's when I get irritated. You didn't mention this at all, but do you often tell others how they're screwing up or how they can improve their lives? Quite honestly, personality might have little to do with your problem, but advising others without their requests would seem to give the responses you listed.

Here's a hypothetical example. PLEASE don't think this is the case, because I assure you it is not. On this site, there is thread about different religions and baptism. Very appropriately in this case, you posted a seperate topic about the Jewish view of baptism. Remember, I'm glad you did this and do not think for one second this is an actual example, your post was very enlightening and completely appropriate for this forum--THIS IS HYPOTHETICAL!

But suppose you were in a worship service and someone just realized the joy of baptism. Would you be tempted to step in and say, "Yes, but, are you familiar with the Jewish perspective?" You would probably have meant this in a loving and enlightening way, but unintentionally rained on the parade. This example could be far from what you're describing, but in my experience in dealing with people who are what you've described, this is the #1 characteristic that makes them seem aloof and arrogant: unsolicited advice and raining on others' joy.

My boss has this same problem. I know he cares for us, but sometimes he just grates on us. Perfect example. My co-worker just returned from a trip to Paris that her husband earned through his job. It was a relatively quick, 5-day trip. She got back, excited about her trip and ready to tell us all about it. When she was done, our boss said, "Well, it was only a 5-day trip...you didn't see everything." That cut her deeply, though he meant no offense. He completely rained on her joy. Of course, being the boss, I sure didn't bring that to his attention.

This is just a thought and offered in sincere brotherly love. I must say, Otetiani, your presence here is a breath of fresh air, thanks for joining us.
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What more can I say? You got this very correct. I will avoid being rain on parades and offering unsolicited advice. Thanks
 
I can very much relate to you

Thanks for sharing your story. I too fell away for awhile after I went through a major event in my life concerning believers. I will post the story at another time.
epistemaniac said:
wow... great answers from everyone.... I have been encouraged as well....

in my situation, when I was young I was a very laid back person....
Click to expand...
 
Let me give an amen to Ken- If you stop and listen to what the other person has to say they will be much more likely to listen to you- any opportunity to share the truth in love is a good opportunity to do so!
 
What more can I say? You got this very correct.
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I don't think I've ever heard that directed at me before. Would you care to talk with my wife.....;)

Seriously, I hope my post was not offensive in any manner. One of my very best friends sounds very similar to your personality and we've had this discussion many times. He's offered me some great advice on my personal issues, as well.
 
Awsome thread. Found it very helpful. I have the same problems. It can be difficult to constantly keep ones self in check. When the guard comes down, stupid things happen....and then it's real easy to get humble again, heh.

"Remember me", did God say that? I find things are easier when I keep my eye on the ball. So to speak.

Great adivice thru and thru this thread. Thanks for posting everyone.
 
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