Is It Normal?

I would really appreciate some honest feedback.

My mom and I have always been close. When I had my second child, I had a scheduled c-section that was scheduled months in advance. The day before, my mom asked me how long it was going to take bc she had other things she needed to do. She had to supervise her housekeeper who was helping her lack to move that same week.

I can't tell you how much that hurt my feelings that she didn't want to be there.

2 weeks before my third child was born, my mom left town. I didn't ask her to stay bc I didn't feel like I should have had to. I called her when she was away and told her that I was very afraid bc everyone else I knew close by left town, too, and I had no one to watch my older two kids. I was afraid that if I went in labor and couldn't find anyone to watch the kids then my uterus would rupture bc I'd had two c-sections already. I was hoping she'd come home :( but she told me to leave my hubby at home with the kids and call ambulance.

My fourth child was born in the middle of the night and she didn't come see her until the next afternoon. Mom lives across the street from me and we are about 3 minutes from the hospital.

I am pretty much at her beck and call all the time bc I love her so much. We see each other several times a week. She gets really depressed if I don't see her a LOT. But it feels very "one-way." Am I expecting too much to think she should have been a little more supportive?
Hi Christy Lou; sorry to learn this; it's sometimes hard to figure how other people, even family members, are thinking; I guess it just proves that for the believer, the need to keep 'looing unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12:1-2) is so important, expecially when faced with disappointments such as you describe. Blessings.


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Relationships mean different things to different people. There are plenty of legitimate reasons that your mother may not want to be there. She might really struggle with seeing her daughter like that. She might just have a crippling fear of wrinkled, wet, crying, bundles of joy with her eyes. She might just not handle stress, or there could be any number of other deeply rooted issues that we aren't aware of. The only way to know is to sit down and talk with her, but don't be surprised if she isn't overly cooperative at first. It's impossible to know what kind of inner struggle another person might be going through.
No its not normal.

Its painful because in your midnight hour experience, there are just certain people who you expect to attend. Failure to do so would somehow compromise your relationship.

As the closest person (one of) - it was a given that she was going to be there, through your excruciatingly painful experience right?

One of two things. Something your mum is having a hard time to come to terms with. It looks like also its a pattern - her absence at your labours. So for a mum, who loves her daughter so dearly (she loves you believe me) - to not turn up must bring questions to you - which you have raised.

Someone said, only way is to confront her. Though you might not hear what you want or she might not tell you anything. It could be deep rooted and personal.

Off the top of my head?
1. Maybe she doesn't want you to have any more babies (you mentioned 4)?
2. Maybe she herself could not produce enough and cant bear to watch you?
3. Maybe she suffered a baby loss back then that you don't know about and she cant bring herself to watch you

I can tell you one thing though, a looming baby in the picture for 9 months before, and even with adequate warning, one fails to turn up on that day (after you and her seeing each other for tons of times during preg) - for whatever reasons

is umh, how can I say this...