Is Something Wrong? : / "psa 22:2 O My God, I Cry By Day, But You Do Not Answer"

Well, I was on FB .. and i just thought of a certain friend of mine..and decided to search for her..and found her on the first go around ^-^ I remember last time I was with her she was saved and headed in the right direction.

And when i looked at her page , her life only seemed to have gotten better .

I saw pictures of her in the phillipines and india helping children..doing what God calls us to do... and it just made me feel soo bad. She, imo is living the life God died for us to have...she has family,friends, she's in school, working..and still serving the church and has a beautiful relationship with God :)

But when I look at my life, shoot if anyone else looked at my life... you couldn't tell God is with me : /
Even though I desire God..he ignores me..he barely talks to me..its so frustrating b/c I try to seek God but I get no-thing in return..... and its like those that were in my church that just abandoned ship..they hear his voice clearly, he blesses them with work and you can see the changes he made in their life..well the changes he did make when they did come to church.

Yet.. I felt I showed how much i wanted God by catching the bus and train ect just to go to church... when it was cold and raining.. and its like I don't have anything to show for it : /

I ask God to change me, to the point others can see it too, ..that didn't happen.. im still riddle with anxiety to the point of being reclusiveand just feeling crazy in general :( more alone then Ive ever been.. its just crazy ..bc ..I just feel cursed.
My life w/o God was hellish and my life with Him is no better.. I just do not understand.. im trying to seek Him but he hides , I ask to be changed and he ignores me..but my memebers who don't want him at al..He goes after them! uhg(not saying he shouldn't..its just aggravating)

I just don't get wha Im doing wrong, I know as a christian things won't go hunkydorrie all the time..but your life shouldn't be filled with sorrow ALL the time! gaaasssh lol..

when i looked at her page ..and even what I remebeer abt my friend....She has that live you know Christ is in, and I know she's probably not happy all the time..but from what she's doing ect.. you can just see God in her life..and w/ me ... I just honestly wish I'd evaporate. I haven't made the slightest impact on anyone's lives outside my family... and it hurts so much b/c I truly want God but He just ignores me. Or just doesn't give anything abt my life.

And its not just my life ..
and its not just my life but my pastor's too, she loves God more than anyone i can think of.. she's been battling seizures since 2012 I think ..and she still does what God wants her to do, she preaches, studies... anddepite being prophesied abt that she'd be healed it still hasn't happened... or other memebrs left the church and we still don't have any new members.. and it just seems our church is going to hell in a hand basket.

Im just like if god is trying to crush our hopes and dreams ,well mine.. He's done it. '
I just don't know what Im doing wrong, If I knew Id fix it or atleast try : ?

I just never knew God could be so heartless,ruthless and just ..mean... Im so close to givng up its..unbearable.
Im just like if God is trying to crush our hopes and dreams ,well mine.. He's done it. '
I just don't know what Im doing wrong, If I knew Id fix it or atleast try : ?

I just never knew God could be so heartless,ruthless and just ..mean... Im so close to givng up its..unbearable.

Rom 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
Rom 8:39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psa 22:24 For He has not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; Nor has He hidden His face from him; But when he cried to Him for help, He heard.

oh dear heart .. God is love ..
if He didn't love us, He would not be busy perfecting you ..
you see if you focus your heart on what is below, then you do not on what is above ..
all that is of this world (even the body) is that which is of the world ..

ALL are spiritually afflicted (all have sinned) and healing the soul is what is important for an eternal salvation ..

Mat 16:26 “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

Psa 25:18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble, And forgive all my sins.

if you are chastised by affliction of any sort (for His sake/as to draw you closer) then you are blessed .. Jesus told us that He will be persecuted and killed, and so would some of us .. the Jews were looking for an earthly deliverance, to which that is NOT what Jesus came to deliver us from ..

Isa 48:10 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

also remember the story of Job ..

ENDURE in His love, and do not waver in your claim to the promise available ..

and do NOT let yourself be counted in this way ..
Mat 13:21 yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he falls away.

so "hold fast" to His promise of spiritual life, not to a temporary fleshly life ..
those afflicted are most often our best encouragement .. I know spiritually beautiful people who have been born with defects or acquired them who's love for God truly is a beacon in the night, like placing the lamp on the table where all can see ..
and these are good role models/mentors to all in placing the proper significance on the proper things ..

God Bless you ..
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thnx... Im really trying to focus hard..and just strain to concentrate on eternal life... its hard when , you feel alone and god seems to withdraw..and then people saved and unsaved enjoy more in life hmm

Im am glad this is only temporary.