Jesus sent me a Christian Girl (story time) Need life advice

[Alang]

She is the same religion, so this is a plus. She is divorced, so this is a downside. She already has children, this also will be a downside. She is not your cousin, so this is also a downside - should you have much in common with most middle easterners.

You have to go on the fact that she is the same religion. Up play all her good attributes, and respect your parents wishes and stop bringing her around for a while.

Your good grades in college will help. If you see her and start doing poorly in your studies they will blame her. I think by the time you have a degree you could get them into allowing marriage.

Possibly.

If you cannot, you will be choosing between her and your parents.

Yea see im an americanized middle eastern person. I dont do the whole cousin thing thats disgusting to me lol. Yea theyll allow it if I got a degree which Im about to get my associates but they want me to go to a university and im not doing that .... but yea its gonna end up like that in the end im positive .... choosing between her or parents...

 

[Alang]

I know you are thrilled to have finally met a young woman who is serious about her faith, but I am actually very concerned about your situation for several reasons:

1. She seems to already trust you and is practically giving you her heart. No doubt she is as thrilled as you are to feel like she's found a good guy, especially after her past. This may seem like a good thing, but once things reach this point you have the potential to completely devastate her emotionally if things don't "work out." In other words, go slowly!

2. You are setting yourself up for an inevitable conflict with your parents. I don't know how to avoid this, but again I think you will have to go slowly! Hopefully others will have more wisdom about this situation.

3. I am not a fan of your "test." Do you really want to bring a woman who is not your wife into your bedroom in the middle of the night or at any other time? First of all, you are practically begging for temptation. It is like someone on a diet going into the donut shop to look at the donuts without breaking his or her diet. It would be much easier to stick to the diet by avoiding the donut shop. Furthermore, anyone who sees a woman going into your house, much less your bedroom, in the middle of the night is going to draw conclusions about what the two of you are doing. You don't have to do anything for her reputation, and yours, to be damaged.

When you are alone with a woman, you are responsible for her honor! I repeat, you are responsible for her honor! Even appearances of impropriety can damage her honor. My biggest regret from my relationship with my wife prior to getting married is that I didn't protect her honor as much as I should have. I rationalized my actions by telling myself that we weren't sinning based on technicalities, but I was really deceiving myself. Some people might think it's not a big deal because we got married anyway, but it's a big deal to me.

I'm not trying to imply that you are a terrible person here, I just want you to be careful.

Yea true but in our generation its really impossible to find some decent people ... trust me ive been on thousands of dates with girls its the same old stuff ... they talk to me about how much shopping they did or how drunk they got at a party .... this girl is not materialistic or any of that ... im just happy man. Ya the test might sound dumb but I did it because my ex dumped me because I stopped having sex with her ... also most girls ive been with always try to put out on the first night .... this girl was telling me she was good so I wanted to see if it was all talk or not. Seems a bit forward but it was a good move on my part and def put more trust in her.

 

[New Man 78]

Yea true but in our generation its really impossible to find some decent people ... trust me ive been on thousands of dates with girls its the same old stuff ... they talk to me about how much shopping they did or how drunk they got at a party .... this girl is not materialistic or any of that ... im just happy man. Ya the test might sound dumb but I did it because my ex dumped me because I stopped having sex with her ... also most girls ive been with always try to put out on the first night .... this girl was telling me she was good so I wanted to see if it was all talk or not. Seems a bit forward but it was a good move on my part and def put more trust in her.

I understand that you wanted to see if she was really telling the truth about her values, just be careful how your actions appear to others who are watching you.

 

[Chris1]

Yea see im an americanized middle eastern person. I dont do the whole cousin thing thats disgusting to me lol. Yea theyll allow it if I got a degree which Im about to get my associates but they want me to go to a university and im not doing that .... but yea its gonna end up like that in the end im positive .... choosing between her or parents...

The more you fight with your parents over something so simple as a university degree - which is excellent for you in YOUR future especially when you are looking at a wife and many children, since you would be adding a few of your own to the ones already existing - the more they will see this "American" as the cause.

You don't want them to see her like that. Seriously. Decide what is more important to you, giving some with your parents in the hopes that they will be giving with other of your choices, or fighting them all the way. Which will cost you much in the end.

Also, 99% of middle easterners, regardless of how Americanized they think they are, in the end usually respect their parents wishes. So you need to decide now, if your parents say absolutely not on a marriage, who will you really choose, I mean really.

Because as the poster said, you will absolutely break her heart if you wait any longer.

 

[LanceA]

The one thing I am not hearing on this thread is giving it to God. If God put you and your girlfriend together then it is blessed. Keep in prayer and follow the path God has put forth.