Lets Make Fun Of The Clown Thread

Euphemia said:
Green, Green Grass



God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is going on down there in the U.S. What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of green.



St Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.



God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, bees, or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing there.



St Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.



God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?



St Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.



God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?



St Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.



God: Now let me get this straight....they fertilize to make it grow and when it does grow, the cut it off and pay to throw it away?



St Francis: Yes, sir.



God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.



St Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.



God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's natural circle of life.



St Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them up into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.



God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?



St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.



God: And where do they get this mulch?



St Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make much.



God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?



St Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about....



God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis!
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HAHAHAHA great joke! You're alright in my book.
 
Mitspa said:
what?
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He yelled out with his accent, "did you lock the doors, there is a lot of Russians around here!"

I thought that was a crazy thing to yell out, but for him it was normal. I know Russians heard him too, but it seemed like it didn't bother them. It reminded me that the culture I am accustomed to is not the same everywhere.
 
Where is the Messiah said:
He yelled out with his accent, "did you lock the doors, there is a lot of Russians around here!"

I thought that was a crazy thing to yell out, but for him it was normal. I know Russians heard him too, but it seemed like it didn't bother them. It reminded me that the culture I am accustomed to is not the same everywhere.
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Now why in the world would you relate this to me?
 
This thread reminds me of the value of a chat room. :LOL:




globalwarmingEPJ.jpg

found @ Bing = "free to share and use" license
 
:confused: I'm still trying to imagine the taste combination of cookies and bacon sandwiches.




A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."
 
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